I am Donglin Xiting, you have a story, come to me.
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After a love breakup, there will always be someone who will never forget it and hold on to it. Whether you can't stand the pain of breaking up to disturb the other party, or you think alone, in the end, you will become a mediocre self-disturbance. After the breakup, let love sway your emotions, then you become a slave to love, you don't want to get rid of this identity, then you will always be unhappy. Knowing that you should let go or not letting go, you are fighting with yourself, and in the end you will not get anything. For example, the following reader, this is the case.
<h1>Teacher Donglin:</h1>
She and I met at a friend's wedding and fell in love with her the first time we saw her. I wasn't sure if it was love at first sight or a momentary liking, and I was afraid that I would surprise her, so I decided to get along with her as a friend first. Here we need to explain that we are not in the same city, and after the wedding of our friends, we separated and returned to our own cities.
However, although not in the same city, we would contact every day at that time. In order to verify that I really like her, I took the initiative to talk to her every day. Gradually, I discovered that my feelings for her were real. If I didn't like her, I couldn't have as many common topics with her, and I wouldn't have been talking for months without getting bored. I liked everything she said, and every word made me laugh. In fact, what she said was not so coke, just because I loved her, she said it, so I would be very happy when I heard it.
My pursuit of her, from the initial euphemism to the final bluntness, took two months. Judging from the fact that the topics she talked to me were getting deeper and deeper, and she was more and more open, I felt that she had accepted me in her heart. When I realized this, I confessed to her and became a lover with her very smoothly.
It's just that the reality of long-distance love makes her a little less determined. She said, "A lot of long-distance relationships end up breaking up, will we end up breaking up too?" If you're going to break up, it's better not to be in love at first. ”
She said that these words were originally very objective analysis, but I felt very uncomfortable when I heard them, in fact, I was afraid, afraid to go down the road of breaking up. Without showing timidity, I told her, "We won't break up, I'll always love you, and you just have to be loved by me all the time." When the time comes, you come to me, or I go to you, and we get married. ”
After that, we officially started our love. Although it is a long-distance relationship, with the relationship of love, I feel very beautiful. Because I think we will live together in the end, I just take the current long-distance relationship as a test on our love road. We still talk and talk every day. I still like the way she talks, and I am still amused by her words. Although her tone was that cold state, I knew that her heart was fiery.
My favorite thing between the two of us is every time she asks me for help. She was like a fool, she didn't know how to convert the audio format, didn't know how to download the video from the website, didn't know how to convert the PDF to PPT, and asked me to help every time. I was happy to help, and I felt happy to be able to do something for her. And, every time she asked me for help, she would coddle like a little kid. We would joke with each other, destroy each other, joke with each other, and make me feel that love was close to me.
However, one thing that bothered me was that I wanted to go to her and live with her for a while. After all, we are in a long-distance relationship, and if we don't see each other all the time, it's really painful. However, she was busy every time, either working all the time or traveling on business, and every time I said I was going to find her, she said she didn't have time. Then one day, she was unwell, and I simply told her, "Honey, let me take care of you!" I'm going to live with you! "She always avoids the question, every time she runs away, shifts the subject.
She didn't have time to meet me or let me live with her, so I kept pestering her, and I felt that since she loved me, she would say yes sooner or later. Kung Fu lived up to the pain, and I finally waited until the day when she agreed to let me go to her. I was excited and fantasized about a lot of pictures of meeting her. Because it was the second time we'd met since we'd met, the first time we'd met since we'd been in a relationship, I decided to present my best self to her. I packed myself up and was on my way to her city, my heart pounding. I'm about to meet my loved one, and I think everyone has had that experience.
However, the first time we met since we fell in love became the last meeting. After I went, she broke up with me and said, "Let's be friends!" I kept asking her why, she kept saying nothing, and finally I was asked anxiously before saying, "We are not suitable, habits are not suitable, conditions are not suitable, many are not suitable." ”
She is the kind of woman who is very strong, and after she said this, I did not dare to refute it, but only euphemistically expressed that I loved her, and euphemistically kept her. However, in the end, we did not succeed, and we broke up.
I wanted to meet, love that was more important than my own life, and I broke up like this, and I was very painful and wronged. I gave so much sincerity, in exchange for a really cruel breakup, I am not willing. When I went back, I became depressed and couldn't be interested in anything.
Everything was like a dream, although I accepted the reality when we broke up, but when I came back, I felt in a trance that we were still in love. Talking to her every day has become my habit before, I can't quit, I don't want to quit, I'm afraid of quitting these habits, and I will completely cut off contact with her.
During that time, I would always think wildly, I would take care of myself, and smoking and drinking would not make me feel better. Finally, I couldn't help it, and I went to contact her, but in exchange for her coldness. She either didn't reply to my message or didn't reply until several days later. I knew it was impossible between us, but I just couldn't forget her.
One day I sent her a long message saying, "Can you please not reply to my message?" Don't be so cruel to me okay? You have also lost love, you have also loved, you also know how painful it is to not let go of the other party after the breakup, you know this, why do you still do this to me? I don't force you to get back together with me, I just want to keep in touch with you, aren't you saying we're still friends? Where do you feel like friends with me? Don't reply to my message, just give me a buffer process, let me slowly accept the breakup, okay? ”
This time, she replied quickly, but in a not friendly tone. She said, "Some messages I don't return because I'm too busy, and some messages I don't return because I don't want to return them." You don't count me down with your own emotions, I have the right to decide whether to reply to the message, I haven't done anything wrong. You have to be so pretentious, that's your own business, it has nothing to do with me! ”
I asked her, "Then the message I sent, you just don't want to reply?" ”
She didn't reply again, and it seemed that she really didn't want to reply to my message. I don't know what I did wrong, I've always loved her, she mentioned the breakup, and now it's doing this to me, don't you think it's too much?
After that, the message I sent her was still a stone sinking into the sea. Slowly, I didn't want to message her, I felt that I was too sentimental, she was doing that to me, why should I beg her to reply to my message?
However, she did not let me go, where I need help at work, she will still look for me, as before, either to the audio format, or to convert the PDF to PPT. I didn't want to help anymore, but every time she asked me for help, she was like a child like before, so I softened my heart, helped her get it right, and sent it to her. I had hoped to talk to her for a while after sending it to her, but she accepted the documents and disappeared.
Over and over again, I feel like a monkey in a circus, being played all the time.
Not long ago, she asked me for help again, and began to coddle again, so I asked her, "If you don't need my help, I guess you've forgotten me a long time ago, right?" ”
She made a squeamish expression and said, "No!" ”
I told her, "Why not?" Haven't you done it all the time, and haven't you always done this to me? ”
She started coddling again, making some cute expressions. I couldn't help it, and I talked softly again, obediently helped, and then watched her disappear.
She probably never knew how much pain I was in, and I looked forward to it again and again, and disappointed it again and again. She gave me hope again and again, and let hope fall short again and again. Why are you torturing me like this?
<h1>Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:</h1>
What I want to say to this reader is, "It's not that she's torturing you, it's not love that's torturing you, it's yourself that's torturing yourself." It is you yourself who have been immersed in the lost love and cannot extricate yourself, you are not willing to come out, you are not willing to come out, you are already an ex, but you do not know how to switch your roles, then all the pain is your mediocre self-disturbance. ”
Everyone should remember: after a breakup, don't let love sway your emotions, otherwise you will become a slave to love. This reader is a typical case, because he has been thinking about it, has been expecting to compound, and has been waiting for her reply, so he will not be able to put it down. All his emotions that make him unhappy are actually self-inflicted troubles, all caused by his obsession with that love. Love is no longer there, you are still worrying, still thinking, still holding on, what is that slave who is not love?
A love breaks up, you have to learn to switch your role and state, don't bother yourself. This reader apparently didn't do it either. In love, you are the identity of the boyfriend, you can love as much as you want. But break up, you're the ex. The conversion of this role, if you do not do well, if you are not willing to convert, have broken up and still think of yourself as a boyfriend, can it not be painful? If you don't know how to change your identity, then your state will be very bad, and you will always carry negative emotions. Just like this reader, even after the breakup, the other party asked for his normal help, he can involve a lot of emotions out, which is a bit undeserved. If you don't want to help, then say no, just a little bit. But if you agree to help, then just help, don't be too pretentious.