01
Screenwriter Li Fan once said such a sentence:
"I just think that sadness is the most inspirational thing, and if you can even resist sadness, then inspiration is not a problem." Inspiration can also be called a positive self-hypnosis in a way. I think people stand up more bravely in despair and sadness. I think the greater inspiration is the ability to witness grief. Optimism may not purify the human heart, but sadness can. ”
Perhaps this is the case, when you dare to face the sadness and expose the problem, people are more courageous.
People are like this, they have experienced some things, and after seeing the vicissitudes of the world, they can better understand the hearts of some people. People shed tears when they are in pain, but tears also wash away their eyes, so that we can see the world more clearly after crying.
When it comes to marriage, it is not so, when you are in it, you can't understand it, you have experienced it, you have escaped, and you can really understand and understand some things more clearly.
If you ask Tan Yan what is her biggest feeling after divorce? She will tell you that she finally understands that women should live a little "selfishly" in marriage.
Tan Yan is 35 years old, just divorced not long ago, in fact, the marriage has reached the step of breaking, and she herself has an unshirkable responsibility. Thinking back to when she was not divorced, Tan Yan felt that she had done a lot of things wrong. After getting married, she seems to have been living for others all the time, her own small family is so, her in-laws are like this, even if it is still true for her mother's family. Tan Yan has been paying for others continuously, but she has forgotten that she should love herself the most.
You are not God, and you do not have the ability to reach heaven, so how can you make yourself perfect in everything? You have done so much for others, and you have gained something in it.
Women must not let themselves blindly pay for others in marriage, you also have to think about yourself, sometimes do too much for others, you want to get more from them, when you don't get it, hope becomes disappointment, and your heart will accumulate layer after layer of cold ice.
"I really should have been selfish in my marriage, even if I thought about myself more, maybe the marriage wouldn't be like this." 」
Tan Yan's "selfishness" is mainly to treat these three kinds of people as "selfish".
02
<h1>The first type of person: you should be "selfish" to your husband</h1>
Tan Yan seems to have lost herself after marriage, she surrounds her husband all day, and her life is centered on her husband. When her husband came back late, she would be worried, and she would keep talking on the phone and then shed tears while waiting. In fact, Tan Yanda does not have to do this, the man does not come back and you can sleep with confidence, but she can't, you have to wait for him to come back.
Life is also, completely accustomed to "husband". She keeps the home very bright and tidy, where her husband's things are, you just need to ask her where it is, you will know its exact location, even what clothes to wear to work every day is Prepared by Tan Yan. But what did the man do for her? Maybe she can't even remember her birthday, if she hadn't taken the initiative to say it, men might have forgotten it.
No one can always let themselves forget to love someone, you spend too much thought on him, you will be eager to get more from him in return. Love is a trade-off, maybe you don't think of the trade-off when you give, but when you don't get it in return you will ask yourself if it's worth it, especially when the other person is cold to you.
Tan Yan asked herself many times when every time a man came home drunk and spoke ill of her: "Is it worth it to do this so well for him?" After asking, I shed a lot of tears. The heart seems to be cold layer by layer, even if there is a word of concern and greeting, the heart may not be so cold, but there is not.
I thought that as long as she was good enough, men would be devoted to her, but when she found out that he had changed his mind, she asked him again and again: "Why?" Am I not good enough for you? The man said, "Very good, just too good, good so that I can't find any shortcomings, but don't you feel tired?" I'm tired."
In love, she was still let down, Tan Yan didn't know what to say, she only knew that if she didn't spend too much time on men, she could also do something for herself. Sometimes you focus on your husband, you are eager to get something in return from him, but you have unconsciously become his appendage, so what about yourself?
Have you ever thought about it for yourself. Don't be so generous with a man and care about everything that causes him to take it as he should be. Women should also pay more attention to themselves in marriage, don't be a vassal of men, you can also have your own career, your own circle of friends, and what you want to do.
<h1>The second type of person: you should be "selfish" to your in-laws
</h1>
Tan Yan is a very filial daughter-in-law, and every time her mother-in-law is sick, she will let herself take good care of herself, but it seems that no matter what she does, her mother-in-law will eventually prefer her sister-in-law. Sometimes even Tan Yan herself is thinking, is it too good to be true, so it will be "good to be bullied", everyone thinks that you are very good at bullying, there is no temper, they will not care about your feelings.
But not caring about your feelings doesn't mean you won't put pressure on you, your weakness will only allow them to want more from you.
If after marriage, Tan Yan can be "selfish" and take less care of the in-laws' broken things, maybe there will not be so much trouble. Women in front of the in-laws' affairs must not rush to their husbands, you manage too many things, accidents are responsible for you, can you afford it?
Don't let yourself be a "good abusive person", or have a little temper of your own, and the abusive good person is the most unpopular.
Every time the mother-in-law encounters something bad, she always thinks of Tan Yan, but if it is a good thing, there is absolutely no Tan Yan's share.
If Tan Yan hadn't paid so much attention to the affairs of her in-laws, perhaps there wouldn't have been so much trouble.
Women should remember that the affairs of the in-laws are left to your husband to deal with by himself, but don't really treat yourself as a mother-in-law, you can manage your own small family, and manage so many things.
<h1>The third kind of person: should be "selfish" to the mother's family
Another important reason why Tan Yan is looked down upon by her mother-in-law and her husband is that she is too generous to her mother's family. When her brother got married, she, the sister, gave a lot of money, although this money was the bride price given to her by the in-laws, but it was impossible to say that she could not help her brother with the bride price given by the in-laws.
However, what results were obtained by paying money to help her brother prepare for the wedding, people thought that she was out of less, and her mother also said, "Just out of 100,000 yuan, then a little money, this wedding you don't participate in, really make people faceless."
Because of this, Tan Yan and her husband also married Liangzi, "I told you long ago not to help your mother's family like this, you don't listen, now you suffer losses." Why Tan Yan will get used to her husband, to put it bluntly, or because she feels that she owes too much money to others. In addition, Tan Yan is a soft character, will not reject others, can not suffer losses?
Every time Tan Yan returns to her mother's house, she will bring back a lot of gifts, and she must also bring at least 2,000 yuan of red envelopes. If she went home and didn't give anything, her mother would definitely say it to her face.
But no matter how much she gave, her family always hated that she gave less. How much can she give? Since work, she has been taking money from home non-stop, and her parents have told her every time that she borrowed it, but the money has never been repaid. It is too generous to the mother's family, this has become a habit, and when you suddenly don't borrow it one day, people will directly draw a line with you.
For example, this time, Tan Yan wanted to live in her mother's house for a while after the divorce, but she was bombarded by her parents and brother-in-law.
Women should remember that they ask you for help in everything, and they can't help you at all times, and such people don't know how to repay favors the least, because they are not self-reliant, and they take it for granted. You should not help this kind of person at all, and the more you help, the more you will not get a good return.
03
After the divorce, although Tan Yan is a person, she can finally be "selfish", she does not have to care about what her husband thinks, nor does she care about how her in-laws look at her, let alone her mother-in-law's family saying that she is not filial piety.
In the past, Tan Yan was timid and cowardly, but after experiencing this incident, she saw that the situation was sad, and her whole person became more mature. For what I have experienced in the past, it is now light to mention.
"After the divorce, I finally understood that people should really be good to themselves, if they were selfish, it is estimated that the marriage would not end up so miserable." Before you were too weak, others did not take you seriously, you did everything well but still were provoked. If I had spent all this thought on myself, I wouldn't have had as much trouble.
I should not take care of the affairs of the in-laws, but should be handed over to my husband; I should not take care of the affairs of my mother's family, I should force them to stand on their own; I should not take care of my husband's affairs too much, I should let him be self-disciplined.
Worrying about everything all the time, worrying about everything, doing too much, who thinks of your good. ”
In fact, this is the case, women should think more about themselves in marriage, you are good at managing your own small family, how many things can you manage? You are selfish, pay more attention to yourself, improve yourself well, and maybe others will not dare to underestimate you.
You don't try to cater to others, you have to try to cater to yourself, so many people you can make who can be satisfied, it is better to please yourself, love yourself.
"After that, for a long time, I just want to be nice to myself."
Tan Yan does not have high requirements for herself, she only hopes to love herself well in the future, who will be good to her if she is good to her, and will no longer be too generous to be a "abusive" good person.
Today's topic: Should women be "selfish" in marriage? Welcome to leave a message.
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★ Author: YIBAO; emotional original author, writing about the warm emotional affairs of this world.