Written by: Xiao Su
In the chicken baby circle, the new word "unfinished baby" attracts attention. It refers to the children of ordinary families who have studied hard for more than ten years, but due to improper education methods, resulting in a lack of understanding of society, high education but difficult to do, either unemployed after graduation, or mediocre, life seems to be in trouble.
Some bloggers on the Internet showed such a scene: at 8 o'clock in the morning, the library was full, and a large number of graduates were "pretending to go to work" here because they could not find jobs, they brought computers, water cups, chargers, and even lunch, seemingly busy, but in fact they were changing their resumes, brushing recruitment platforms and complaining. Anxiety hung over them like a dark cloud.
Why do you become a "bad baby" after studying hard for many years? Zhang Xifeng's experience may give us the answer. He has always been a small-town problem-solver, and his studies and grades are all about life. Every day, I compress the time outside of study to the extreme, get up early and stay late. I thought that if I was admitted to a major university, I would have a bright future, but after entering university, I found that I knew nothing but book exams. He studied computer science, which he didn't like, tried many activities to no avail, and eventually became pessimistic and decadent.
He Lingfeng, a psychology professor at Fudan University, has a different education for his daughter. At first, he also expected his daughter to excel in grades and go to the best school, but her self-confidence was frustrated by her classmates' high volumes. He Lingfeng once tried to improve his daughter's grades by asking for a tutor, but it backfired. Later, he changed his approach, respected his daughter's nature, explored her strengths, and found that although her daughter was not good at studying, she loved to read comics and was good at drawing.
Because of her love, she wrote 40,000 words of fandom in a summer vacation, and she also taught herself Japanese, and she was able to intern at a well-known animation company in high school and become the main creator, and after graduation, she received offers from 7 universities, and now she makes a living by Japanese and drawing anime.
It can be seen that the education that simply pursues grades may make children win the college entrance examination but lose the future, and cultivate hollow children, even if they are admitted to prestigious schools, they will not develop well. Tapping children's strengths and teaching them according to their aptitude is "advantageous parenting", which can give children direction and motivation. Every child is unique and has intrinsic strengths.
So how to do a good job of "advantage upbringing"? One tool – the SIGN model. Marcus · Buckingham, founder of the Advantage Theory, proposed,
Your child's potential is hidden in these 4 signals:
S stands for strong self-efficacy, the child is confident and relaxed in doing something; I have a strong sense of autonomy, and the child wants to do it spontaneously;
G refers to a strong sense of accomplishment and children learn quickly;
N indicates a strong sense of contentment, even when tired.
Three ways:
The first is to focus on the process rather than the result, such as Gu Ailing's continuous breakthrough because she enjoys the process of skiing;
The second is to provide scaffolding, based on the theory of "zone of proximal development", to provide children with content and help of appropriate difficulty;
The third is to give positive feedback, such as children's addiction to mobile games because of timely feedback, and children's progress should also be affirmed when cultivating skills.
Gardner, a well-known psychologist, said, "Every child is a potential genius." "A good education is about helping children to bring out their strengths, not to shape them into what their parents want them to be. Therefore, parents should abandon blind chicken babies, explore children's talents, and plan early.
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