Girls, I have recently received several counseling cases and found that after many years of marriage, life is either a stagnant pool or a war every day.
Then it may be a transgression, a marriage change, and the marriage will eventually become a piece of paper locked in a cupboard.
It has even become a night of sleeplessness, and it has become a painful torment of "can't leave, and it's not good".
But in fact, after marriage, especially after many years of marriage, a really smart woman lives with this one word - "pretending".
When you hear this word, you may feel a little confused, don't worry, read on.
In fact, the "pretending" here does not mean to make you hypocritical, but a manifestation of high emotional intelligence.
I ask you a question, "If you want your husband to be at home with the kids this weekend, how would you express it?" ”
You can leave your answers in the comment area.
It's a very practical question, but it's your own feelings that matter.
So how can you feel good?
Next, I will say three points, "pretend to be soft", "pretend to be sweet" and "pretend to be confused", and students can take a small notebook to memorize it.
First, the outfit is supple
Meekness is not weakness, but a kind of wisdom that overcomes rigidity with softness.
"Routing" is the means, and "overcoming rigidity" is the goal.
I'll give you an example, Xiaomei (nickname) has a strong personality, when she first got married, she always quarreled with her husband over some trivial things, "Can the table be set like this, should you turn on the air conditioner tonight" and so on, and so on, no one will give in.
Until her husband looked tired and said to her, "No, let's forget it." ”
Xiaomei realized that it was not good to go on like this, so she came to me and began to try to change.
I asked her to learn to "pretend" first.
When she encounters a similar problem again, she will first "pretend" to be submissive and patiently listen to her husband after he has finished his thoughts.
Actually, man, do you really care if the table is placed horizontally?
Does he really have to turn on the air conditioner tonight?
No, in fact, they care more about whether they are respected or not, and men have a desire to conquer.
The stronger he is, the more fragile his heart is, so you might as well try to follow him at this time.
Let him feel better, and it will be easier for us to get the results we want.
For example, Xiaomei didn't say anything when her husband was about to turn on the air conditioner again.
After a while, she got into her husband's arms and said, "Husband, I'm cold." ”
Let's experience this approach, are you still noisy?
Second, pretend to be sweet
"Sweetheart with a hard mouth" We've talked about it before, and it really works.
There is a saying that I believe everyone has a deep understanding, it is called "what you can do is better than what you can say".
It's the same in marriage.
I'll give you an example, if your husband comes home from a hard day's work, you may take it for granted and won't say anything thoughtful.
You've been busy at home all day, your back hurts, your legs hurt, and your heart is tired, and you hope he can feel sorry for you.
But he may not realize that after a long time, the two of them have become more and more silent, waiting for the other to speak.
It's better to try "pretending" to be sweet.
Before your husband went out, he gave you a sentence "Help me bring my bag"
Some students may think, "Why does my mother help you carry your bag, I am not your maid." ”
But ah, next time you try to say, "Okay, the emperor will wait a minute, the concubine will go and get it for you." ”
When he brings his bag, you can add another sentence, "The concubine wants to eat the shortbread of the International Trade Center, and when the emperor returns to the palace, remember to bring two boxes for the concubine." ”
Both of you are relaxed, you feel good, and you can get the results you want.
It can be said that smart women are the best, haha.
3. Pretending to be confused
At home, as long as men don't make mistakes of principle, there are some things that don't need to be taken too seriously.
Mind you, I'm not talking about unconditional indulgence of men.
Rather, it is a proper "pretending to be confused" that can make our lives easier.
One of my students, Xiaoqin (nickname), is actually a very attentive person, but sometimes she is just too sensitive and serious.
For example, her husband said that he was going to the toilet, but the sound of the edge video could be heard downstairs.
Or maybe you have a dinner and drink with a few friends, but lie that you are working overtime.
Xiaoqin is very angry, and sometimes she will quarrel with him when she is emotional.
This kind of ah, not only is he very internally exhausted, but his husband also feels very stressed, and the relationship between the two is also a little tense.
So, I told Xiaoqin that there are some things that don't need to be seen so clearly, and that you have to learn to "pretend to be confused".
When you watch the video, you send him a message, "I heard me, how are you going to shut my mouth?"
When you are drinking "overtime" with your friends, you come to the sentence "Don't drive 'overtime', pay attention to safety, and remember to hand in 'overtime pay' at the end of the month." ”
Let's feel it, and when you get to the point, you can hold that man again, how good it is.
The main thing is that this change of mindset makes it a lot easier for you.
On some issues that do not involve the bottom line of principles, we will turn a blind eye and never suffer from internal friction.
It is only by taking our attention away from men that we can begin to love ourselves well.
What's more, some men are very rebellious, "I control me every day, I don't want you to care, I want to be free", right?
Proper "pretending to be confused" is not only not confused, but also very smart.
Everyone must remember that "pretending to be soft", "pretending to be sweet" and "pretending to be confused" are not to make us lose ourselves and cater to men, but a means to make marriage better.
I hope everyone can become that wise woman and live their own happiness in marriage.
If you're having any confusion in your marriage, let me know and I'll help you.