Author: Li Shu
In Zhang Ailing's life, she was very small, she was just an insignificant nanny.
But she plays an important role in the cultivation of Zhang Ailing's character and the most critical moments of her life.
01
In 1924, zhang Zijing was three years old and Zhang Ailing was four years old, and the family had moved from Shanghai to a spacious garden house in the British Concession in Tianjin.
As for moving, it is also because Of Zhang's father's occasional trip to tianjin to punch in.
At this time, Zhang Ailing's father Zhang Zhiyi and Zhang Ailing's second uncle had just separated from the family, and before the family property was managed by Zhang Ailing's second uncle, the eldest brother at that time was like a father, and Zhang Father did not dare to be under the suppression of Zhang Ailing's second uncle.
Later, after the separation of the family, he divided a lot of real estate under his name, and there was also a dowry when Zhang Ailing's mother, Huang Yifan, married over. If Zhang Zhiyi is not ho ho, the family should live a very happy life.
According to Zhang Ailing's later analysis: In the past, her father, Zhang Zhiyi, lived under the constraints of his second uncle and lived a very restrained life. Since the separation of the family, it is not surprising that wild horses have lost their reins and are free to debauchery.
Under the debauchery of Zhang's father, Zhang's mother could not bear it and finally ran away from home.
As Zhang Zijing said: "If my father had kept his duty and not spent a lot of time drinking and smoking, my mother would not have run away from home, and our life should have been smooth and generous." ”
After Zhang's mother ran away from home, in order to take good care of the young master and miss of the Zhang family, the Zhang family specially arranged two full-time nannies, Zhang Gan was responsible for Zhang Zijing, the only son of the Zhang family, and He Gan was responsible for Zhang Ailing.
Because He Gan took care of Zhang Ailing, he always felt as if Zhang Gan was inferior, Zhang Gan was strong in front of He Gan, and He Gan never dared to worry about it.
He Gan's cowardice in front of Zhang Gan retreated, and little Zhang Ailing looked in her eyes, and she would come forward to help He Gan argue.
Zhang Gan said: "As far as your young lady's temper is concerned, she can only live alone in the future, and if she marries far away in the future, my brother does not want you to come back." ”
He Gan also always silently took Zhang Ailing away.
When eating, Zhang Gan said: "Chopsticks are far away, and I will marry far away in the future." Zhang Ailing deliberately took the chopsticks to the top and said, "I just hope to marry far away." ”
Zhang Gan was so intimidated by Zhang Ailing that he didn't know what to say, He Gan just remained silent, just put Zhang Ailing's favorite dish into Zhang Ailing's bowl.
In the days when there was no mother Zhang, Zhang Ailing's sisters and brothers were often led by the nanny to wander around in the yard, sometimes to walk around the park, and sometimes to go to relatives' homes. Because Zhang Zijing was sick from a cold and was not in good health, she often stayed at home. The nanny often takes Zhang Ailing out to play.
Because He Gan was Zhang Ailing's grandmother's personal servant, and later He Gan managed Zhang Ailing, Zhang Ailing was almost as dependent on He Gan as her grandmother. Her father, brother, and Zhang Gan all seemed to be estranged from her, and she only had He Gan.
02
Maybe it's because of her young age, maybe it's because He Gan takes care of her so carefully. Young Zhang Ailing did not seem to feel too much regret about losing her mother. It's just that as I grow up, that kind of regret has seeped into my bones.
Once, Zhang's mother, who was abroad, sent clothes back from abroad, and He Gan quickly went forward to pick out the girl's clothes for Zhang Ailing to wear. The toy sent by Zhang's mother, He Gan also picked out the girl's one and gave it to Zhang Ailing. Zhang Ailing was as happy as she was celebrating the New Year.
Such happiness seems to be only a moment, and Zhang Ailing, who is naturally sensitive, is easy to perceive the changes in the environment around her.
Since Zhang's mother left home, Zhang's father soon brought home his aunt who was raised outside, and this aunt and grandmother brought her sisters to the house all day long, and the family was full of warblers and swallows, all kinds of noise.
Zhang Ailing stared hard at her father's room, listening to the voices of those warblers and swallows, Zhang Ailing was furious.
Zhang Ailing's nanny He Gan and Zhang Zijing's nanny Zhang Gan consciously took the sisters and brothers to the courtyard to play. Zhang Ailing began to sit on the swing and swing, swinging unwillingly. His younger brother Zhang Zijing, who was on the side, looked at Zhang Ailing, but he was too timid to go up.
Because of He Gan's weakness and weakness, he indulged Zhang Ailing's bravery and assertiveness. Because of Zhang Gan's strength and protection, Zhang Zijing was cowardly and timid.
Zhang Ailing once said in "Whispers": "My brother's nanny, Zhang Gan, is smart and strong, and she is the first everywhere." ”
After swinging, Zhang Ailing pestered her nanny He Gan to tell her stories and sing nursery rhymes from the countryside of northern Anhui. Shouldn't that be something a mom has to do? But Zhang Ailing only has a nanny He Gan to rely on and pester.
But Zhang Ailing once said: "I almost love my mother with a kind of romantic love." ”
Because there is too little contact, little Zhang Ailing's love for her mother is distant and mysterious.
And she transferred her dependence on her mother to He Gan. But Because He Gan was a girl in the Zhang family, he felt that he was weak-minded and let Zhang Gan, who had a strong brother, do everything.
Therefore, Zhang Ailing said: "Zhang Gan, I thought about the issue of equality between men and women very early, I want to be sharp and strong, and I must be better than my brother." ”
He Gan's psychological weakness has created Zhang Ailing's sharp intentions.
03
In 1928, Zhang Ailing's family moved back to Shanghai from Tianjin, this year Zhang Ailing was eight years old and Zhang Zijing was seven years old.
The reason for the move was that Zhang Father's "official position was not guaranteed", originally Zhang Father hung an official position at Zhang Ailingtang's uncle Zhang Zhitan, and Zhang Father once regarded this official position as a capital to show off in front of his friends.
As a result, Zhang's father did not go to work, even if he smoked a lot of cigarettes, and also fought with his aunt and wife, making the city full of wind and rain, and his reputation was not only infamous, which not only affected the official reputation of Zhang Ailing's uncle Zhang Zhitan.
Zhang Zhitan was dismissed from his official post, and Zhang Zhitan's father also lost his patron, the only minor official in his life, and his heart was deeply affected, so he made up his mind and drove away his aunt and wife, which wrote to Zhang Mother to ask her to return to China.
Zhang Mother's return to China made Zhang Ailing's sisters and brothers as happy as flowers. But such a day did not last long, and Zhang Father and Mother Zhang were arguing endlessly.
Zhang Ailing often hid in the corner in fright, sobbing secretly, and the nanny He Gan quickly pulled her out: "Don't care about the adult's idle business, you play with yours." ”
So He Gan took care of Zhang Ailing intently, she could play when she wanted, she could sit when she wanted, as long as there was no danger.
The quarrel between Zhang Father and Zhang Mother not only made Zhang Ailing panic, but the nanny also followed the bad heart.
Finally, Zhang Father and Zhang Mother signed the divorce agreement, and the two were cut off in two.
The divorce of Zhang Father and Zhang Mother was full of storms, so Zhang Mother fled abroad, but the sensitive little Zhang Ailing became more and more lonely. It seems that he has little influence on Zhang's father, and he continues to remarry and marry Sun Yongfan. On the day of Zhang's father's marriage with Sun Yongfan, Zhang Ailing hid on the small black balcony and cried non-stop, and He Gan silently accompanied her with a towel.
Even if she is a good nanny, she has paid the same love for Zhang Ailing, but after all, she cannot make up for the psychological supply brought to Zhang Ailing by her mother's absence.
After Zhang's father got married, he paid more attention to pomp and circumstance, and the family moved into a large house with more than twenty rooms. There are more rooms than people, more rats than people in the house, and they scurry around every day and squeak at night.
At this time, Zhang Ailing had enrolled in school and did not live in school. On Monday, her father sent a car to take her to school, and on Saturday, the driver went to pick her up again. Every Wednesday, He Gan would send her to wash clean, folded neatly to change her clothes and some food that Zhang Ailing usually liked to eat.
In order to eliminate the rat infestation, the family maid went to raise a black and white flower cat and returned.
Zhang Ailing's stepmother and grandson used a fat maid brought from home with a baby, and she liked cats, and the flower cat was fed by her, bathing it and catching fleas.
Zhang Ailing also likes flower cats, and every week when she comes back from school, she will play with flower cats, and she also put sand in a colorful ping-pong ball for her to play.
One night, in order to let the flower cat catch mice in the living room, the fat maid locked the flower cat in the living room, afraid that it would be boring, and gave it Zhang Ailing's colored ball.
At night, the flower cat only cares about chasing the color ball to play, the quieter the night, the greater the movement, the rat is too frightened to come out, and even Zhang Father and Zhang Ailing's stepmother are also woken up.
Father Zhang said angrily, "Drive away the flower cat for me." ”
Zhang Ailing interceded for the flower cat, but Zhang Father insisted repeatedly. At this time, He Gan stepped forward to help and said, "The flower cat will catch the mouse, what should I do if I drive her away from the mouse?" ”
After all, it is a person who has taken care of his grandmother, although He Gan is usually not very strong and does not talk much, but he can always protect Zhang Ailing at key moments.
04
In the blink of an eye, Zhang Ailing reached the third year of high school, and Zhang's mother also returned from abroad to negotiate with Zhang Ailing's father for the matter of Zhang Ailing's schooling. After several times, Father Zhang did not agree.
In addition, Zhang Ailing ran to Zhang Mother's house and returned home to be scolded and slapped by Sun Yongfan. Zhang Ailing's personality is strong when it is strong. She immediately returned to Sun with a mouth.
This slap was the beginning of Zhang Ailing's nightmare, she was locked up in an empty house on the first floor by her father, and sent someone to guard it, and she did not leave the house for half a year.
At this level, her father-daughter relationship was broken. She prepares for escape in the house and curses her father and stepmother for death.
Later, Zhang Ailing's aunt and uncle came to intercede, and Zhang Ailing's aunt's eyelids were also injured.
Every day after that, only He Gan and Zhang Ailing relied on each other for their lives. He Gan carefully took care of her diet and living. But Zhang Ailing still suffered from dysentery in the damp room.
He Gan reported Zhang Ailing's condition to Zhang Zhiyi for the first time, and Zhang's father, who was still angry, refused to treat her.
He Gan looked at Zhang Ailing, whose condition was getting worse day by day, and took advantage of Sun Yongfan's absence to go to Zhang Father again, this time her tone was very strong: "Xiao Ying (Zhang Ailing's name) illness does not dare to delay any longer, if I do not save it, I am not responsible for an accident." ”
He Gan gently and forcefully pushed the responsibility to Father Zhang, who thought carefully that if something happened, he would be charged with the crime of evil father.
So when Sun Yongfan was away, zhang Ailing was given anti-inflammatory injections for several consecutive days, and Zhang Ailing's condition eased up.
He Gan watched Zhang Ailing's face change from haggard to rosy, and then smiled and said, "Thank God, Xiao Ying is finally well." ”
He Gan saw Zhang Ailing suffer and secretly went to find Zhang Mu.
Mother Zhang sent a message to Zhang Ailing through He Gan: "You think carefully, you are naturally rich with your father, follow me, you must be prepared to suffer hardships, otherwise there will be no room for remorse." ”
He Gan looked at Zhang Ailing and said seriously, "If you run away, you won't be able to come back!" You have to think about it. ”
I think anyone who has been imprisoned for a long time will have a crazy yearning for freedom.
Zhang Ailing said to He Gan, "I have thought about it, I want to escape from this home." ”
In this way, with the help of He Gan, Zhang Ailing fled to her mother and aunt's house. After Zhang Ailing successfully escaped, He Gan quietly packed up some of Zhang Ailing's souvenirs and sent them to Zhang Ailing's home.
Even later Zhang Zijing said in the book "My Sister Zhang Ailing": "He Gan really hurts my sister." ”
After delivering things, He Gan hurriedly went back, Zhang Ailing looked at He Gan's short back, and her heart couldn't help but feel sour. He Gan was her only thought in that home, where she went, where she followed, she was like a pagoda, always standing up at key moments to cover her.
He Gan, in the absence of father's and mother's love when Zhang Ailing was a child, did his best to make Zhang Ailing feel a little warmth in her heart. It can be said that to a certain extent, it makes up for the lack of Zhang Ailing's maternal love.