The "new learning crisis" that 90% of children are facing has finally come......

New Oriental Family Education

2024-05-13 09:57Posted in Beijing, creators in the field of parenting

Author: The main creative group, oops

I happened to see a post by a junior high school parent, and I couldn't calm down for a long time after reading it.

My daughter is in the stage of preparing for the exam, and she has very little time to sleep steadily.

I wake up at 6:15 a.m. and arrive at school at about 7 a.m.

School ends at 6 p.m., leaves school at 6:15 p.m., and starts writing homework at 7:15 p.m. after eating.

A whole 5 classes, non-stop writing, and soon 5 hours passed.

Take a shower at 12 a.m. to catch your breath, watch two small videos, and go to bed at 12:40.

After studying at such a high intensity, my daughter shouted that she was tired and wanted to deliver takeaways, envying others for retirement, and even more envying the family dog.

Even if it is a stray dog, it is not as comfortable as the dog at home, but at least it is freer than her, and she is not even as good as a dog now.

This is a "small essay" of less than 500 words, not to mention that this mother is uncomfortable for her daughter, saying that her daughter is more bitter than 996.

Even in front of the screen, I couldn't help but sigh: Today's children are so difficult!

In the eyes of others, they are in their prime, young and energetic, and it is the best time to strive for the future road of life.

But in reality?

On the days of two o'clock and one line, the scope of activities is all at home, school, and then there is the library and cram school classrooms.

Every day, I open my eyes, not books, teachers and classmates who study together, and parents who keep urging them to do homework.

Come to think of it, it's a lot of pressure for them.

Children who are willing to confess that they are tired of learning must at least have an outlet for expression.

But those who hold back in their hearts and don't say anything will have problems sooner or later.

The "new learning crisis" is coming, don't be stupid and don't know

At the beginning of the post, there is a lot of content in the comment area.

There are children who are also in the third year of junior high school, who said that they leave school at 7:30 in the evening, finish dinner at 8:30, write their homework at least until 12 o'clock, and have their own extra information, and it is considered early to sleep a little more.

I often write homework until 2 o'clock in the morning on weekends, and I can't bear it, so I plan to take the music route in high school and not touch cultural classes.

There are also weekends and weekends that are all cram schools, and the results are in the top 10% of the city, and the parents are still dissatisfied.

The outside world's expectations for the child's future, the bitter sentence of "study hard, get ahead in the future" admonition.

Unconsciously, these disguised burdens become the burden of pain, anxiety, and despair for children, so that they can't laugh even if they want to.

Someone interviewed a class of junior high school students online and asked them "what is the biggest annoyance".

Most of them said that "there is not enough time", "there is a lot of homework", and "there is a lot of homework and it is difficult".

Feedback to parents and confiding in their pressure, but the feedback they get is "this is normal, just work hard".

No wonder when asked what they would like to say to their parents, they invariably say "nothing to say".

The whole world thinks that "papers" are normal, and if you don't study well, you should work harder to brush up on questions, do more exercises, and go to cram schools more;

If you study well, you can't relax your vigilance, and you have to make greater efforts than others in order to distance yourself from others.

However, with such a hard fight and such a fierce rush, how can children have the mind and time to slowly savor the joy of learning and the excitement of seeking knowledge?

In an interview, middle school teacher Wang Jingfei talked about a very sad phenomenon for children at present:

"Children are swept up in the fact that they have no independent interests and hobbies, they don't have what they want most, they don't take the initiative, they don't take the initiative, they don't take the initiative, they don't know what they want."

I was deeply touched by this passage. A lot of times, the same goes for the kids in my class.

Sitting in the classroom, my eyes are fixed on the teacher, but my mind is blank.

When I get an exercise, I will be in a daze, and I still don't know what to do when I come back to my senses.

Ask him what he likes, he can't answer anything, it's very exciting to play games and watch short videos, and when it comes to learning, he is immediately deflated.

Everyone vaguely knows that children are not as relaxed, free and happy as when they were studying.

But I feel that everything is normal, other children's schoolbags are heavy, there is a lot of homework, and there is not enough sleep, anyway, after going to college, it will be fine.

It's just that I never thought that the child might not have a chance to go out of society, and he would be tired at the starting line.

Crazy "involution", mass production of "hollow people"

Dong Yuhui said in a live broadcast room:

"The problem of teenagers is essentially that parents use their children as tools for exams, rather than as 'people'."

Most families feel that their parents are mainly responsible for earning money to support their families, and their children are focused on studying for exams and nothing else.

It sounds like a clear division of labor to provide the best conditions for children to study.

However, it was found that no, children who grew up in this scene have become learning tools and examination machines.

Their playful nature has been stifled, their motivation to explore the world independently has been eroded, and even their own understanding has lost their proper reference standard.

In the end, he couldn't help but think:

"If I don't study, I'm sorry for my parents."

"I shouldn't do anything that has nothing to do with studying, or I'm wasting my time."

"Who am I, I don't do well in exams, I can't get my grades, I don't deserve to be a person."

In the book "Reflections of Parents", the author shares the story of a sophomore high school girl.

The girls are doing very well. My mother's colleagues and friends often compare her with others, and scold classmates with bad grades in front of her.

I know that my parents love me very much, and I don't know how many times happier I am than those children from divorced families.

But since she was a child, she accepted her parents' brainwashing view of "grades first", and every time she didn't do well in the exam, she would blame herself, feeling that her mother should raise an excellent child, instead of embarrassing her mother.

In her opinion, every day she lives is a waste of life, she has not played her own value, and there is nothing worth remembering in life.

It's not that the child doesn't work hard and doesn't want to forge ahead, but he is urged to go and study every day, and he is caught in the whirlpool of "involution", and he is rolled into a "perpetual motion machine".

Non-stop, never stopping, I don't understand life, and naturally I don't have a sense of reality in life.

Once you can't turn around, when you stop, you become a "hollow person" - bored, empty, and completely directionless in life.

I don't know what the meaning of learning is, let alone find something I like to do, and my body is like opening a gap, and negative emotions and mental illnesses will swarm in, making parents and children unable to prevent it.

As a self-proclaimed "waste" Tsinghua scholar said:

"When I realized that I wasn't smart enough, and I was alone for a long time, and I didn't have time to react, I was already depressed."

Faced with an uncontrollable and stressful living environment, adults are still flustered and need a lot of effort to adjust.

What's more, the situation of a child who is not yet mentally mature is even more difficult, and he will fall into the abyss if he is not careful, and he is completely powerless to save himself.

Children are "unable to learn", and the wisdom of parents is the most important

None of these problems happen overnight.

Children who are tired of school and have no enthusiasm and motivation for life must have experienced difficulties and setbacks in the past, and accumulated little by little.

As a parent, you must learn to prevent problems before they occur, even if your child has all kinds of bad states and negative emotions, you must deal with them wisely and accompany your child to tide over the difficulties.

1. Lower expectations and sincerely accept the child's "not good enough".

A father in Jiangsu originally had high requirements for his 15-year-old son.

The son was disobedient and didn't study well, so he started beating and scolding and forcing his son to study.

As a result, the son became more and more rebellious and seriously tired of school, and the father realized that the problem was with him, and decided to let go of his obsession with his son's learning, adjust his strategy, and ask for leave to take his son out for cycling.

Throughout the journey, the father and son got along day and night, and the father no longer made requests, slowly saw the advantages of his son, and learned to appreciate and praise.

And the son has become more and more cheerful and has grown a lot.

Allowing children to be less "good" is a kind of educational wisdom.

When your expectations are lowered, no longer oppress children with high standards and high requirements, do not chase ducks to the shelves, and do not compare them.

On the contrary, children can move and grow freely in a rhythm that they can accept, bringing you unexpected surprises.

2. Keep the same frequency, face difficulties and challenges with your child, and help him relieve stress.

There was a girl in her third year of high school who took the initiative to ask her mother, "Can I not go to self-study at night?"

Every day at school, from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m., when she looked up, she saw the black head and the back of others, with "anxiety" written in capital letters, and she felt almost suffocated.

Instead of persuading her to persevere, her mother listened to her words.

I took the initiative to find a doctor to issue a certificate and apply to the teacher so that she would not study at night.

As I said earlier, many children ask their parents for help at first, but they can't hold back, so they hope that their parents can help them.

At this time, parents should not ignore the signals sent by their children's words and deeds, but should think from the child's point of view.

If you feel that your child cannot step over, please grab his hand and walk with him.

The support and companionship of parents is the "life-saving straw" that alleviates the pressure of children.

3. Encourage children to try and explore interests other than learning, and spare time and energy to do what they like.

Don't let your child be trapped in the cage of "learning".

In the process of accompanying your child, pay attention to what your child is interested in, whether he likes to watch anime, outdoor sports, or other interests.

As long as it is within acceptable limits, please encourage him to try and develop.

Every child has a self-drive from the heart.

When he finds something he likes, does it spontaneously, and has time to devote to it, the satisfaction and sense of value he gains from it will bring him more positive feedback and strength.

Even if it seems "useless", it can also have a sustenance and respite when the child is bored, troubled, and frustrated.

Liu Changming, former principal of Beijing No. 4 Middle School, said: "Education is a slow and elegant process. ”

I hope that we and our children can find an opportunity to pause and think about our future and a more exciting life plan.

After finding the weather vane and fulcrum that suits you, move forward without distractions.

Only when you run like this can you be full of enthusiasm and not be confused.

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