Author: Kaede
来源：女儿派（ID: nverpai）
The pattern of the father determines the way the child lives.
Zeng Guofan said: "Those who seek great things are the first priority. ”
Grid is personality, and bureau is vision and mind.
A father must have a sound personality, a broad mind, and a broad vision.
Because the father is the most important person on the road of children's growth, his pattern has a profound impact on the long-term development of children.
As the famous British psychologist Alver said:
The father's influence on the child is huge, and it will seep into the child's blood bit by bit and be embedded in the child's soul.
Only a father with a pattern can become the real leader of his child, point out the direction of life for his child, and illuminate the way forward for his child.
01
- The pattern of the father shapes the quality of the child.
The English writer John Hubbert said, "A good father is better than 100 principals." ”
The father is the benchmark on the road of children's growth, and having a father will never lose their way in their children.
In Douban's 9.2-point novel "To Kill a Mockingbird", the protagonist Atticus is a white lawyer and a single father.
But he never neglected to discipline a pair of children, and tried to spend time with both children as much as possible, giving them respect, and teaching them to read reasonably.
Once, Tom, a black man in a small town, was forced to get involved in a rape case, and no white lawyer was willing to risk a lawsuit on behalf of a black man in an era of rampant racism.
When Tom was at his most difficult and helpless, Atticus stood up bravely.
Because of this, the residents of the town began to taunt him and hinder him.
Mrs. Dubose, a neighbor who was already scathing, said in front of the two children that their father defended the and was a disgrace to the white man.
Hearing someone insult his father like this, his brother Jem could no longer control his anger, and in a hurry, he broke all the camellia flowers that bloomed in Mrs. Dubose's yard.
When Atticus learned the truth, instead of being angry or harsh on Jem, he said to Jem gently:
"Don't pay too much attention to it, she's an old lady and still sick, no matter what she says, don't be angry, show your gentlemanly demeanor. ”
and firmly told Jem to go and apologize to Mrs. Dubose.
For this lawsuit, Atticus is in a huge predicament, threatened by racists.
But this did not make him give up his integrity as a lawyer, and he did not change his position and insisted on defending Tom.
Even if Atticus lost the lawsuit for social reasons, he never regretted it.
He used practical actions to tell the children that what others think is not necessarily right, and the last thing a person cannot discard is conscience.
Son Jem and daughter Scout were taught by their father not to be corrupted by adult prejudice and indifference, and the more they grew up, the more they understood that no matter where they are, no matter what their status, they must respect others, be brave and kind, and stand up for justice.
Huang Jingjie, a parenting expert, said: Educate people with a big vision, not with a small vision.
Fathers with patterns will practice their actions to make their children become educated and virtuous people.
He will not let the child be coerced by worldly ideas, but use the right words and deeds to encourage the child to accept the tempering and grow wings that can fight in the sky by his own strength.
The pattern of the father shapes the quality of the child.
The pattern of the father determines the way the child lives.
02
- The pattern of the father predicts the achievements of the child's life.
Someone on Zhihu asked: In this era of fighting for fathers, how much money do you have to save so that your children will not lose at the starting line?
Netizen @泠之 said: The so-called spelling of the father, the spelling is not how good the material life of the father is for the child, but the pattern of the father.
She was born in a remote rural area, with four sisters and siblings, and in her village, many children go out to work before finishing junior high school, and only her father has to provide them with school, no matter how difficult life is.
Life was difficult, but my father never complained, but took them to the university in the big city every year to make them firm in the future path.
My father didn't have much knowledge, but he added books to the house every week, so that they could go further into the world through reading.
She said: "Although my father could not enrich us materially, he gave us the best spiritual wealth. ”
Yes, fathers have a long-term vision, and their children's future has a direction. The father has hills and ravines in his chest, and the child has the opportunity to see the sky.
A father with a big picture has never only been an ATM for his children, but has injected a steady stream of spiritual nutrients into his children.
reminds me of the experience of the well-known educator Jia Rongtao.
As a father, he entrusted all the education of his children to the school and his wife, and he was only responsible for earning money to support the family.
But the result was not as he expected, first his son's grades fell all the way to the bottom, he was also addicted to online games, participated in group fights several times, was almost dissuaded from the school, and there were constant conflicts between father and son.
Then the relationship between the husband and wife broke down, and at one point they were about to divorce.
Why is this the failure of the godson and the breakdown of the family?
After some deep introspection, he found that his son's problems were all the product of his own wrong education.
"You can work hard in your career, but your child's growth can't be repeated, and no matter how much money you make, you can't make up for the failure of your child's education. ”
So he made up his mind to change himself, decisively closed the factory, worked as a full-time accompanier, and read a lot of books to learn about family education.
In the past two years, he has read more than 200 books of various kinds, written more than 800,000 words of reading notes and teaching his children's experience, and insisted on evaluating his words and deeds every day.
He found that when his knowledge continued to grow and the pattern became larger, many family problems were easily solved.
For example, when his son is addicted to games, he no longer preaches, no longer scolds, but respects and understands, and helps his son develop other interests and hobbies, so that his son takes the initiative to stay away from the Internet.
When his son made a mistake, he did not come up and reprimand, but looked at the problem from his son's point of view, guided him to think, and learned to learn a lesson.
The son did not obey the discipline, he no longer fought hard, but looked for common topics and hobbies with his son, the parent-child relationship improved, and the son was willing to listen to his opinions.
The most gratifying thing is that when he continues to work hard to improve, the child is also quietly changing, starting to learn, and finally succeeds in counterattacking and is admitted to a key university.
Now, his son has followed in his footsteps and devoted himself to education and has become a family educator.
Yang Lan once said: "The pattern of parents is the way parents live, and how you want to live your life will also affect the pattern of your children." ”
Only when fathers dare to self-examine and change themselves can children learn to face up to their mistakes and be positive.
Only when the father's vision is broad and his mind is mature can the child stand tall and look far.
The pattern of the father is the ceiling of the child's growth, which determines the upper limit of the child's life.
03
- The father's big picture is the most expensive asset of the family.
There is such a sentence in the "Three Character Classic": Dou Yanshan has a righteous prescription, and teaches five sons, and is famous.
It tells the story of Dou Yanshan's godson during the Five Dynasties period.
Because he pays attention to the cultivation of children's quality and talent, as well as the inheritance of family style, his 5 sons have become famous in the imperial examination, and 8 grandchildren are also very accomplished.
Like such a large-scale father, modern times also have one.
In the 60s of the 20th century, in rural China, the "theory of the uselessness of reading" was prevalent, but a father trained 5 doctors and 1 master with his foresight.
The father's name is Cai Xiaowan, and when talking about the success of his education, he said: "I run my father's role as a career. ”
He is a clinic doctor, with a meager income, and he has to raise six children, and eight people live together in a dilapidated house of more than 30 square meters.
Life is difficult, but it is difficult for him to cultivate his children into talents.
He plastered portraits of scientists such as Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, and Newton all over the wooden walls, and told children stories about these scientists whenever he had time.
From an early age, the seeds of ambition are planted in the hearts of children.
Every night after nightfall, when others were entertained, he took his children to study and read under the lights.
For more than ten years, he insisted on it.
In addition to reading thousands of books, he also has to travel thousands of miles, and every year he also takes his children to travel around to broaden their horizons and increase their knowledge.
Cai Xiaowan believes: "People's intelligence is almost the same, and what really determines success is the non-intellectual factors that are often ignored by people." ”
All along, he has been paving the way for children with his own big picture and leading children with his own values.
Today, several children have grown up and left home, but they have never forgotten their father's teachings and passed on their father's education to the next generation.
The eldest son continued his education and sent his two children to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in the United States.
The youngest daughter joined hands with her brothers to launch the "Cai Xiaowan Magical Tutoring Method" across the country, and set up a 1 million scholarship fund to help poor students with excellent character and learning.
There's a good saying:
"The pattern of the father, invisible and intangible, seeps into the blood and bones of every offspring of the family, becomes the spiritual bond between the family members, and even becomes a part of their character and even destiny. ”
Whether it is Dou Yanshan or Cai Xiaowan, although they failed to materially enrich their children, they left the most precious spiritual lifeline for their families.
The father, who can influence the children and even the generations of the family, is the most valuable and priceless asset in a family.
04
I like the saying: "Standing on the 20th floor and looking down, all you see is beautiful scenery, and when you stand on the 2nd floor and look down, all you see is garbage." ”
It can be seen that if a person has a height, a colorful background color can also be found in the chicken feathers;
If people do not have height, they can only see darkness in the fertile land.
A person's pattern determines whether a person can stand tall and see far.
The big picture of the father is the real estate of a family, and it is also the ceiling of the child's growth.
With a father at the helm and leading in the front, the family and children will go more smoothly and prosperously.
May you become a structured father, bringing silent nourishment and a steady stream of motivation to your family and children.