A few days ago, I received a message from a friend:
My home is neither a "bay" nor a "port", but a "Shura field". I don't know when, a "battle" will break out that catches people off guard.
At a glance, she knew that she was in conflict with her parents again.
Every time I chat, what I hear most from her is that I am afraid of getting along with my parents.
Although I always have the desire to get along well, it always backfires. If you can't say a few words, there will be conflict.
While I was used to her complaints, I felt very sorry for her, so I replied to my friend:
I'll give you a book, maybe it will help you turn the "Shura Field" into a "family carnival".
This book is "There Will Always Be an Answer in Life" jointly completed by Mr. Jin Weichun and his two daughters, which uses more than 60 letters between father and daughter as a carrier to confess to readers how a family relationship can go from "fragmentation" to "perfection".
To be honest, I read this book 3 times before I slowly understood:
If you want to repair family relationships, you must go through the "triple door": one is to return to childhood, the second is to rewrite the script, and the third is to reinterpret it.
Source: Visual China
Go back to your childhood and find the script of your life
Regarding the "script of life", it is mentioned nearly 30 times in the book.
What is the script of life? Is it everyone's "childhood trauma"?
Mr. Jin said: Compared with the "childhood trauma", the main body of the "life script" is himself.
It doesn't matter what you say, what matters is the critical period of "childhood".
In "The Secret of Childhood", Montessori talks about a startling psychological discovery: the cause of a psychopath can be traced back to his infancy.
Many of the psychological problems and some life difficulties of adults stem from childhood experiences.
The book reads:
The outline of the life script was completed at about the age of six. If you don't have introspection, you may be affected by it for the rest of your life without knowing it.
The various parent-child conflicts mentioned in the book are hidden behind the respective "life scripts" of parents and children.
In order to resist his mother's power, Mr. Kim formed a strongman philosophy;
The eldest daughter, Jin Zhiling, because her parents divorced, thought that she was born out of hatred, resulting in a low sense of worthiness;
The second daughter, Jin Molan, has been passively "very powerful" under the spell of her father's "must be powerful".
Before the father and daughter found their own life scripts, they all endured difficulties in love, marriage, and career.
It wasn't until he returned to his childhood and dug out the script of life that his life shifted.
Source: Visual China
Mr. Kim gradually understood that his mother's strength came from all the love she could give;
Qianling knows that even if his parents are separated, he is still "born of love";
After Merlan opened up, she received a "You don't have to be very bad" exemption certificate from her father......
If you understand the transformation of the relationship between the father and daughter, you will find that healing the wounds of the original family and returning to childhood is the nearest way.
Why do you "want to communicate well, but you break up unhappily"? The root cause of this is that it is all a "life script" that is dormant in life.
Carl Jung said, "When your subconscious doesn't enter your consciousness, that's your destiny." ”
So, don't be scared anymore and don't run away.
Bravely, even deliberately, to dig out the script of his own life.
Only by finding it, confronting it, figuring it out, can we finally fix it.
Rewrite the script and keep cultivating yourself
The purpose of returning to childhood is to rewrite the script, and the key to rewriting the script is to stop targeting others, but to continue to cultivate yourself.
"There is only one thing in life, and that is to live well", this is Mr. Jin's perception of cultivating himself.
Relying on his life cultivation that he began in his 50s, he finally reconciled with his mother.
Source: Visual China
He writes:
I finally saw that all my abilities came from my mother's treatment.
The ability to write articles comes from my mother's countless recounts of her life's sufferings;
The ability to do things comes from my mother's request for me to do household chores;
Independence and affordability came from my mother's constant reminder that there is nothing to rely on in life......
These words can't help but make people sigh: if you can cultivate yourself, even trauma is wealth.
Like Mr. Kim, the eldest daughter, Jin Zhiling, rewriting the script of her life is also a process of constantly revising herself.
The life script of "born of hatred" makes the spirit often stuck in the negative state of "I am a trouble".
Until the age of 23, she even complained about her parents.
Later, the spirit discovered:
Years of resentment have not made me better. These physical and mental wounds cannot be repaired by crusading against others, and if you are unwilling to repair yourself, you will be stuck for the rest of your life and unable to move forward.
Seeing this, she began to look inward, to learn lessons, to be aware of within.
After more than ten years of hard work, she finally turned her childhood script into her own life nutrients. Now they are married and have children, and the family relationship is harmonious and happy.
The wisdom of managing relationships in the Analects of Confucius is to "seek oneself from oneself"; the key to "Qi Family" in the "University" is to "have oneself and then seek others".
So, here's the truth:
Blaming one's family of origin for one's bad life at every turn will make it difficult to find a way to happiness.
Looking outward, only complaining has no answer, and looking inward, you can give birth to strength and live more freely.
Encourage you.
Author: Drow. Source: Fan Book Yuan Fan Deng Reading (ID: readingclub_btfx), on the Fan Book, understand good books!