The film "Xifuhui" is adapted from the debut of the same name by Chinese female writer Tan Enmei, the director of the film is Wang Ying, a Chinese director who is known for delicately depicting female characters, and "Xifuhui" tells the story of mothers and daughters from four Chinese families in the United States.
In "Happy Blessing Society", the mode of mother-daughter getting along is typical of the oriental mother-daughter model. Four families, three generations of mother and daughter, more than a dozen women, almost every female audience can find their own shadow in this film. The director uses a happy way to mix these delicate emotions into a pot of joy, and every family has hidden scars.
I don't know whether it is the limitation of space, or the director's kindness, the inner pain of each daughter in the story will finally be whitewashed by a sentence from the mother, "I understand you, I understand you".
However, movies are movies after all, and in real life, many women are trying to use their lives to soothe the pain brought to her by their mothers. Many of these pains come in the name of "love", and it is precisely because of intimacy that people are defenseless. Let's take a few mother-child relationships in the film as an example, and count all those "original sins of love".
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > abuse of matriarchy and alienation from family members</h1>
Lin Duo was born in rural China, due to family difficulties, when she was very young, she was sold by her mother to the Huang family as a child bridesmaid, and the young master of the Huang family was a small child who was much younger than her and did not know anything but to play. The clever Lin Duo took advantage of Mrs. Huang's superstitious characteristics to get rid of the Huang family under the guise of a ghost, gained freedom, and later came to the United States via Shanghai.
The brave experience of childhood made Lindo free and strong, and he also used some inappropriate methods in the education of his daughter, Wei Li.
Young Willie returned late because of trivial matters and her mother Lindo gambled late, Lindo not only did not educate the child or comfort the child in a positive way, but said: "This girl does not care about this family, and this family does not care about her." ”
A cold word, but forcefully tearing the emotional bond between the child and the family. Escalating the mother-daughter conflict into a daughter-family conflict, he uses his power as a mother to force other family members to alienate Willie. Thus firmly controlling the family's right to speak.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" > cold violence, an escape from educational responsibility</h1>
Willie is very talented at playing chess, but she is dissatisfied with her mother Lindo always bragging to others about her results in the game, so she gambles not to play chess again. Willie's behavior is not because she has any prejudice against playing chess, but because of her mother's misconduct. Her mother, Lindo, turned a deaf ear to Willie's cessation of playing chess, as if nothing had happened.
This reaction of her mother made Willie very mad, and she constantly lost her will in the tormented wait. The reason why Lindo responds to her daughter in the form of "cold violence" is ostensibly confined to the image of a lady and cannot fight with her daughter, and another deeper reason is that she does not know how to resolve her daughter's rebellion, and there is no better way to educate her children in her mind, so she can only remain silent and carry out spiritual revenge on her daughter.
The "cold violence" from the mother is using the child's dependence on herself to force the child to obey, which is obviously not the performance of a mature parent. "Cold violence" transforms the conflict between family members from low-level physical torture into escalating mental abuse; transforms the conflict of force into an intellectual, endurance confrontation.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" > contradictory, suppress self-confidence, and strengthen possession</h1>
After a period of mental struggle, Willie finally decides to bow to her mother, who tells her that she wants to regain her playing chess. At this time, the mother Lindo sneered at her daughter: Do you think you can get off when you want to go down, and you can stop at any time if you can't think about it? Talent has left you in your negligence!
This sentence was like a spell on Velley's head, and every time she played chess, it echoed in her ears, and from then on, "Young Chess King" Velnie never won a game again, until she completely gave up the hobby.
This sentence may just be a complaint or excessive worry of the mother, and once it is expressed, it cannot be recovered. Until Veli has grown up, these scars are still unforgettable. One day after Verie grew up, she cried to her mother: "You don't understand your influence on me, every word and every look in your eyes... I'm like going back to the night when I was four years old and crying and falling asleep, no matter what I do, I can't get your pleasure. ”
In the parent-child relationship, the child's world is very small, the parents account for a large part, the child is so fragile, just because of the absolute trust and dependence, every unintentional word from the parents may plant a thunder in the child's heart.
The same anti-cliché happened when Willie grew up. Willie got along with an American boyfriend, Richard, and in order to satisfy her mother, she taught Richard the etiquette of Chinese, and showed her the fur coat richard bought to her mother, but her mother Lindo still showed a look of criticism and scorn for Richard. In fact, the mother was very fond of Richard and secretly prepared for Richard's daughter's wedding.
The audience in the play is as confused as Willie, since the mother likes Richard, why should she be picky? What is the purpose of such "contradictory"? In fact, a sentence from the mother herself explains the answer.
She said: "I wish I could be like my mother.
Lin Duo's mother originally wanted her daughter to have a good home in the future, no longer suffer and starve, and endured the pain to promise her to the Huang family, while she took her brother away from home. She can do it for the sake of her daughter's future and cut off the mother-daughter relationship.
And Lindo's picky behavior towards his son-in-law is actually a continuation of his unreasonable possession of his daughter. This person could not be Richard, it was anyone, and it could not hide from Lindo's pickiness. Because Lindo did not want to lose his daughter, it was a mother's somewhat deformed possessiveness.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > over-expecting, kidnapping in the name of love</h1>
Let's take a look at another mother and daughter in the film, mother Su was young in China, because of the war, she abandoned her twins. So the second half of his life has been living in guilt and suffering, and all his expectations for life have been projected on his daughter Jun, who was born in the United States. She let her daughter learn to practice and wanted her to become a great pianist. However, the daughter is talented and does not like it, and practicing the piano is very painful for her.
Too high expectations and too low investment often accompany the appearance, too high expectations often bring unlimited pressure to children, children long for parents at this time to be able to listen to their inner voice, give guidance and encouragement, and parents at this time usually do not give corresponding companionship and guidance, but blindly ask for it.
Some parents will say: I spent so much money to sign you up for cram school, is it not investment?
However, material input cannot completely replace spiritual support. Parents cannot legitimately ask their children for grades just because they have paid. We should also pay attention to "teaching according to aptitude", reasonably assess the ability level of our children, and guide our children's hobbies, rather than just satisfying our own wishes.
The four mothers in "Happy Blessing Society" are all typical traditional Chinese women, their minds are full of traditional Chinese etiquette, and in the process of taking root in the United States, they strive to become standard Americans, but they cannot get rid of the influence of Chinese thought. Such contradictory ideas also affect the identity of the daughter. On the one hand, let their daughters receive Western education, on the other hand, they hope that they will retain the traditional Chinese etiquette and unconditional obedience to their parents.
Through four families, the film presents the audience with a group portrait of overseas Chinese women growing up, who break free from the shackles of their own rugged fate and family, and reinvent themselves under the collision of Eastern and Western cultures. It is because of their suffering that they see their daughters as a continuation of their own lives, or as the rebirth of their own lives. At the end of the film, the daughter Jun finally takes the place of her dead mother Su and sits on the main seat of the mahjong table, and instead of her mother, she comes to China to find her lost twin sister. Let the audience see that she not only continues her mother, but also has a complete and independent personality.