The Blue Book of Family Education was released: the guiding force of education that transforms anxiety into wisdom

Recently, the "Blue Book of Family Education 2024: Report on China's Family Parenting Environment" (hereinafter referred to as the "Blue Book") was released, which proposes through data collection and analysis that anxiety problems are more common among fathers.

The Blue Book collected data from more than one million families, and proposed that the family nurturing environment is an important part of good education, and the traditional family education environment is facing huge crises and challenges.

What does the "Blue Book" also reveal to us about the current situation of family education, and what are the ways to solve the dilemma of family education?

Interpretation of the Blue Book:

Six major phenomena of China's family nurturing environment

What is the current state of the nurturing environment in China?

Chinese parents have made great efforts to create a good environment for their children to grow up. In particular, he has done an excellent job of creating a warm family atmosphere, providing emotional and material support, and establishing reasonable expectations for children's growth and academics. Nearly 75% of parents prefer to express their love and care for their children directly through actions and words. At the same time, more than 65% of parents showed their open-mindedness.

Is the traditional high-pressure parenting style gradually retiring from the stage of history?

The data shows that although many parents agree with the modern scientific concept of education, this concept is not well implemented in action. About 80% of parents are anxious about their children's academic performance, 60% are constantly worried about their children's possible accidents, and 45% of parents may be worried about their children's freedom and activities.

Traditional moms and dads who are more anxious about parenting

Data shows that anxiety is more prevalent among dads than among moms. Seventy per cent of dads experienced anxiety-related issues, compared to 55 per cent of moms. Anxiety levels were generally higher among boys' parents than among girls' parents, at 64% and 55%, respectively.

In addition to gender influences, will school changes have a huge impact on the lives of parents and children?

The data shows that 64% of parents have anxiety problems in middle school, which is higher than the average for other school years. At the same time, parents are more likely to interfere too much in their children's lives due to anxiety, with 50% of parents of junior high school students falling into this behavior pattern, which is also higher than the average for other school years.

From elementary school to high school, when is the role of family education most critical?

Primary school is a critical period for the formation of character and habits. A good homeschooling lays the foundation for a child's physical and mental health and has a profound impact on the child's development throughout life. The data clearly shows that home education in junior high school can play the most effective role in protecting children's mental health. After entering high school, as children become more and more independent, the protective role of family education begins to weaken significantly.

To educate children, is it better to "sing with the husband and the wife" or "strict father and mother"?

The results show that consistency in the couple's educational style actually has a more positive and significant impact on the child's psychological development. It is recommended that both parents adopt a warmer parent-child interaction. This type of education is most beneficial for developing positive psychological qualities such as emotional regulation, resilience in the face of setbacks, and interpersonal skills.

Student Voices:

Perfection is the ideal Parents are invited to learn to let go

Student Observer: Xiao Chen (15-year-old boy, 3rd year junior high school student)

My dad doesn't have any parenting anxiety at all, and his mind is very relaxed every day. Even if he just yelled at me, "Why don't you do your homework", he turned his head and picked up his phone to study the tennis or basketball videos he was interested in, and his mood would not be affected in any way. One of his favorite sayings is, "Learning is your own business anyway." He tried his best to let go of my affairs and try not to let go of the responsibilities that he did not put on himself, so my self-care and autonomy were not ordinarily strong. Even though I didn't do my homework, I knew that I had to deal with myself and my teachers first, not just "I didn't have a good deal with my parents". I could feel that he loved me and supported me, even if he criticized me sometimes, he was just about it.

I think many parents are anxious nowadays because they always regard many things as their obligations, but they can't do everything well, and when they can't achieve the desired results, they will be anxious. For example, I hope that the child can tidy up the room from time to time, and I can't help but help the child clean up when I see the mess, and the child always has to rely on and still go his own way, but the parents can't let go of their obsession, and continue to make demands while cleaning up, which will form a vicious circle. It is the common ideal of human beings to keep them tidy all the time, but the vast majority of adults can't do it, don't they?

Expert Advice:

Start with ideas and methods to turn anxiety into wisdom and guidance

Let anxiety be transformed into wisdom in education

Invited Observer: Yin Fei (Assistant Dean of the School of Psychology, Nanjing Normal University, Vice Dean of the Institute of Family Education, Nanjing Normal University)

Mothers naturally pay more than fathers in the process of raising children, and have a closer connection with children, so mothers' anxieties focus more on the details of children's growth. However, fathers objectively interact with their children as in-depth and attentive to details as mothers, and they generally intervene when children need to make major choices or transitions, such as school entrance examinations, school choices, filling in volunteers, etc., or when children have more serious growth problems, such as mobile phone addiction, refusal to go to school, etc., they will attract their attention and passively participate. This makes it easy to conclude that fathers are more anxious about "directional" issues in parenting.

We should teach students according to their aptitude and turn anxiety into wisdom and guidance. People's anxiety about one thing usually comes from two directions, one is not knowing where the problem is, and the other is not knowing how to solve the problem. First of all, as a parent, we should work with school teachers to understand the child's intellectual potential, personality characteristics and other natural characteristics, and actively plan and choose a path suitable for the child's growth, and do not make a simple and extensive comparison between the child and other children, such as the score ranking, the school's advantages and disadvantages, etc., and on the basis of understanding the child, be the "Bole" of the child's growth, and give the child appropriate education and appropriate expectations. Secondly, we should actively understand and cultivate children's learning attitudes and habits, actively learn the relevant knowledge of family education, and constantly empower and grow ourselves, so as to avoid the anxiety of family education because of neglect of companionship or taking wrong education methods.

It is urgent to start with ideas and methods to improve the nurturing environment of families

Invited Observer: Liu Guoxiong (Principal of the High School Affiliated to the University of International Business and Economics, Beijing Special Principal)

First of all, a change in mindset is fundamental. Family parenting should change from the utilitarian concept of only scores and education to the concept of all-round development, and truly raise child-rearing from a family affair in the traditional sense to a national affair of establishing morality and cultivating people; social informatization and cultural diversification have made young people's ideological consciousness more autonomous, their personality characteristics more distinct, their parental authority has been challenged, and they are eager to be seen and respected, and the concept of parenting urgently needs to be changed from high-pressure and domineering to equality and democracy, so as to realize the transition from interference and restraint to independent growth.

Second, methodological science is key. Family upbringing should follow the laws of education and the growth of young people. In order to change children, we must first change the parents themselves, and personal parenting and parent-child companionship are the foundation of emotional education. At present, there are many divorced families, empty nest families and intergenerational families, due to the lack of main responsibility, many families have no temperature in parenting, lack of love, doting and wrong love, and it is very urgent for parents to participate and play the role of companionship of both parties;

Finally, strengthen the coordination between home, school and society to create a good environment for young people's growth. Parents need to strengthen learning and training, dispel the erroneous notion that "good parents are born", and social service organizations and schools of all kinds should provide targeted learning opportunities so that parents can master family parenting methods and improve family parenting ability. Construct a collaborative education mechanism between families, schools and communities, each in its own place, each responsible for its own responsibility, especially parents should not be absent, dislocated, or offside, in order to form a joint force in educating people.

Source | Modern Education Newspaper WeChat public account