The easiest way to teach your child: do the same thing as him
The best parents are sparring partners, not coaches, and good education is not supervision, but guidance.
Education is not a child's homework, but a parent's practice.
Author | Potato Mom
I went to a friend's house last week and witnessed an intriguing thing.
My friend and I haven't seen each other for a long time, and we have a good chat, and her son Dongdong sits on the side and plays on his mobile phone.
Suddenly, Dongdong didn't know what was funny and began to giggle.
Seeing this, my friend was a little angry and couldn't help but reprimand his son: "Can you stop playing with your phone all the time?
was scolded in public, of course Dongdong was very unconvinced: "Look at my father, don't you also lie there playing with your mobile phone? Why don't you care about him?"
I turned my head and saw that the game was in full swing. When he heard what his son said, and when he saw me looking at him, he was a little annoyed and angry:
"You little bunny, why do you talk so much nonsense every day?
I'm finally on the weekend, what's wrong with relaxing?
Besides, I'm an adult, you're a child, and children have to listen to adults, do you understand?"
Dongdong pursed his mouth, glared at his father fiercely, and ran back to the room in a huff.
My friend smiled at me awkwardly, saying that he had worked hard for his son, and somehow, the more he grew up, the more difficult it was to manage, and he could top 10 sentences in one sentence.
In fact, many friends around me, including myself, have complained about their children like this, rebellious, disobedient, procrastinating, and having bad habits......
But if you think about it, are these really all children's problems?
Education is the most taboo
It is the parents who are rotten, but they force their children to be motivated
I remembered two elementary school students' essays I had read on the Internet.
The first one is titled "Can't Blame Me".
The child only scored 78 points in the exam, only because he was stumped by the essay question "Diligent Mother": "My mother plays cards every day, and I really don't know how to write ......"
The second is titled "Dad, I Want to Say to You."
The child wants his father to spend more time with him after school, but his father only cares about playing with his mobile phone every day, and even annoys him.
The child can only cry in the composition: "You are almost not my dad anymore, you are almost my dad on the mobile phone." ”
The child's language is immature, but it reveals the truest side of many parents.
They educate their children, always say more and do less, be strict with their children, and indulge themselves.
While accusing the child of being unconscious, he held the mobile phone and refused to let go;
While teaching children to read more, he never opened the books.
They always force their children to work hard, but they always get by, and even lie down and rot.
How can parents who only talk about it convince their children?
There was a 13-year-old boy in Guizhou who beat up his father because he didn't let him play games.
The father felt that he had raised a "rebel son" and could not discipline himself, so he could only call the police for help.
But the son's accusation "snapped" the father's face.
The son said that his father likes to play mahjong very much, and often does not come home until 12 o'clock in the middle of the night.
Whenever there is something that dissatisfies his father, what is ushered in is a rough beating and scolding.
The son is about to be abolished, but the father has not realized that his words and deeds are inconsistent, saying one thing and doing another, which has already weakened his authority as a father in the hearts of his children.
When the child is young, if you scold or hit him twice, he has no choice but to endure it.
When he grows up, you feel that he has more and more problems, and then you want to discipline him with scolding and scolding, he will inevitably only do it against you.
Education has never been about simply preaching and controlling.
No matter how much you talk and how hard you fight, you can't even do it yourself.
The child will only fight back with contempt and rebellion: you can't do it yourself, why do you ask me?
Parents can't control themselves
Any education is in vain
There was a boy who was particularly rebellious, skipping school every day and stirring up trouble outside.
Mother finally found a master to give advice, but the master only asked her one question:
"If you find a typo on a photocopy, will you change the photocopy or the original?"
Mother said, "Of course, it's to change the original manuscript." ”
The master smiled and said, "That's right, the child's problem is actually 'photocopied' from the parents. ”
The longer you have been a parent, the more you will appreciate the deep meaning of this story.
Some time ago, I noticed that my 6-year-old son is very fond of talking back and speaking in a tone like an adult.
When I cook a little late, he will reprimand me: "I just asked you to cook noodles, why don't you cook them, if you cooked them just now, they would have been cooked by now!"
While folding my clothes, I didn't forget to remind him of his sitting posture and pen holding posture, and he immediately became impatient: "You do your job well!
I also found that he was used to procrastination, and he always left his homework until before going to bed, and the snack bags and fruit peels that he had eaten were piled up on his desk.
So I couldn't help but nag again: "How many times have I told you......."
But my son replied to me: "You just have to take care of yourself!"
It was also his words that made me reflect deeply.
In retrospect, I realized that the words my son had spoken to me were exactly the same as what I usually said to him.
"Why didn't you write your homework when I just asked you to do it? If you had just written it, you would have finished it by now?"
"You do your homework!
If you look at my computer desk, it's just as messy and full of garbage.
Think about it every day in the middle of the night, I will secretly pick up my phone to watch dramas while my son is asleep.
Children are really like a mirror that reflects our own laziness and flaws.
Therefore, when you feel that your child is difficult to manage and education is particularly painful, you may wish to close the eyes on your child and look back at yourself first.
Did you do what you asked your children to do?
The more parents care about something
Children value something
Dong Yuhui has mentioned many times that the reason why he likes to read is because he has been influenced by his family environment since he was a child.
Because he found that his parents loved books far more than anything else.
He was particularly impressed that every time the house was cleaned during the Chinese New Year, his parents would take out the few books they had and wipe them down over and over again.
The books were all about earthworm farming, tractor repair, sow postpartum care, etc., but my father regarded them as treasures and would take them out whenever he could.
The daily cherishing of books by his parents deeply influenced Dong Yuhui.
So in his cognition, he has always believed that books are more valuable than other things.
When mentioning the issue of educating children, Dong Yuhui also used his own experience to admonish parents:
Instead of being anxious, it is better to create a good learning environment and an atmosphere of respect for knowledge.
Because parents like it, children are also easy to like it subtly. What parents think is important, children will also think is important.
is like the host Bai Yansong, he never forces his son to do anything, but helps his son develop good habits.
When he and his wife are at home, apart from reading books and listening to music, the TV is only occasionally turned on to watch football games.
He won't tell his son what books you should read and how many points you should score.
But under the influence of him and his wife, his son became a little book lover, and he didn't play mobile phones or games since he was a child, but hid in his room to read all kinds of books.
When he was in elementary school, he was obsessed with Jin Yong and read the whole work in one go. Later, he became interested in the history of the Qing Dynasty and the Ming Dynasty, so he went to find books on this subject.
In terms of learning, the son takes the initiative and is conscious, and there is no need to urge and discipline at all. In the third year of high school, he was also sent to study abroad.
Educator Makarenko said:
"Don't think that education is only when it's a lesson or a command, it's education in every moment of life, even when you're not there. ”
If you believe that knowledge changes destiny, children will be in awe of knowledge.
You maintain an interest in learning, and your child is naturally eager to learn.
To educate children, instead of shouting at the top of their lungs, it is better to create an atmosphere and make an appearance.
Turning books often, reading diligently, and giving children a bookish atmosphere is the best edification for children.
A shortcut to education
It's the same thing as a child
The best parents are sparring partners, not coaches.
What's the biggest difference between the two?
The coach is the guide, pointing to the child and telling the child: "You are not right, you have to do it all over again, how should you be." ”
Sparring is to accompany and do it with the child, not simply let him do what you say.
There is a very powerful father by his side, and his daughter is also very playful, and her homework is not good at writing, and she is always perfunctory.
Especially after entering junior high school, the academic difficulty increases, and coupled with adolescence, my daughter becomes more and more rebellious.
Faced with a problematic daughter, this father knows that nagging and scolding will only backfire.
So he decided to accompany his daughter to "go back to school".
Since then, the first thing he does when he gets home is to turn off his phone and study and read with his daughter.
He no longer stays up late or sleeps, but has developed a regular schedule.
He uninstalled the entertainment software on his phone, deleted unnecessary attention lists, and spent his free time with his children and improving himself.
Soon, her daughter changed under his influence, she was no longer so resistant to studying, and even picked up a book to read by herself.
Dong Yuhui once said that the easiest way to educate children is to do the same thing as him.
When he was a teacher, he saw many parents who were always staring hard at their children while they were studying, and it was pointless to come in and open a door, and then come in and open a door.
There are also some parents who will come in to deliver a piece of water, and a pot of fruit will come in at the same time, but they are not much better.
And truly wise parents will hold a book next to them, even if they pretend to read it.
Good education is not about supervision, but about leading.
Let your child know that you are doing the same thing as him.
Education can only really work when you live up to what you say to your children every day.
Because your behavior and attitude have a deeper impact on your child than empty preaching.
Behind a successful education, there are never bad and lazy parents.
Your habits will be seen by your children. Your words and deeds will be imitated by your children.
Education is not a child's homework, but a parent's practice.
From today onwards, let go of nagging, surveillance, and persecution, and empower children with your own practical actions.
Encouragement to all parents.