Author: Insight Ciyu
When people's hearts are gathered, everything can be accomplished, and when people's hearts are harmonious, family fortune is prosperous.
The writer has told a story several times.
Ten years ago, my parents opened a tile shop.
At that time, people in the city renovated suites, and people in the countryside built their own houses, and tiles were in great demand.
It stands to reason that as long as they make a living steadfastly, they can eat this wave of dividends.
But it didn't take long for their tile shop to go out of business.
Why?
The couple quarreled at every turn.
Once, my father wanted to sell to an acquaintance for a small profit, and my mother reprimanded her face to face, saying that you might as well close the business directly.
Another time, because the two of them were angry, they accidentally remembered the type of tile, and the customer quit the business in a fit of anger.
Minds were all on the dispute, and their tile shop was soon unattended.
This reminds me of a concept: the prisoner's dilemma of the bottom family.
Not only can family members not provide emotional value to each other, but they will also consume each other's energy, causing the family to be trapped at the bottom for a long time.
The family is uneasy, and the wealth is not lost.
Once the family is caught in internal strife, it is difficult to prosper.
01
There is a plot in Yan Zhen's "The Water of the Waves" that impresses me deeply.
The protagonist Chi Dawei gave a gift to the leader, accidentally said the wrong thing, and his wife disgusted him for "can't spit out ivory in the dog's mouth".
He ran all over for his son's kindergarten place, but in the end it didn't work, and his wife chattered about accusing him of incompetence and cowardice.
No matter what he does, his wife will accuse him, and Chi Dawei is disheartened by this.
Isn't this scene familiar?
Even, we are the protagonists in it.
Your wife is busy with this family, and you not only pretend to be blind, but you often throw your face.
When your husband's business failed, you didn't have good words to comfort you, but instead made a sarcastic sneer.
Harvard psychologist Daniel once said: Family life is the first school we learn about Xi emotions.
But how many people can't learn this lesson well.
Family members are pouring into each other and transferring negative energy to each other, which can easily drag the whole family into the quagmire.
David Barney, a British healing master, shared a case.
There is a family of four, the father is violent, the mother is alcoholic, the two never talk well, and when they open their mouths, they are accused and abused.
The relationship between the two daughters is also very tense, and they will fight for a piece of clothing, and even in a fight, the elder sister stabbed the younger sister with a fruit knife.
In the end, it ended up being a broken family.
The father disappeared inexplicably, the mother went crazy, and the two sisters interrupted their studies early and wandered at the bottom of society.
Many times, the tragedy of a family stems from the internal friction between family members.
The grinding wheel of life is already very heavy, and if the family presses each other again, everyone will be crushed.
02
Now there is a saying: running a family is like running a company.
If you put the responsibility and anxiety on one person, there will be all kinds of problems.
Division of labor and cooperation with each other, hand in hand to tide over difficulties, the small boat of home, in order to sail to a farther future in the wind and rain.
When Wang Gungwu, the former president of the University of Hong Kong, and his wife, Lin Huanting, studied in the UK, they had no plans to have children.
But the wife suddenly became pregnant.
This time, the arrangement of the two of them was disrupted.
On the one hand, they are not ready to be parents, and on the other hand, they are not yet working.
Faced with such a problem, they did not mess with themselves, but discussed how to solve it together.
The wife bought a book on raising a baby to learn and Xi, and learned some pregnancy knowledge through various means.
While preparing his dissertation in the hope of winning a scholarship, Wang Gungwu is looking for a job to relieve the financial pressure on his family.
The two worked together to safely complete the major event in their lives, having a child.
Home is always a matter of two people, and it is difficult for one person to support it alone.
Under the same roof, family members can only run their homes well if they perform their duties and work hard in one place.
The family is a carriage, and the whole family needs to plan the direction and pull the cart in the same direction in order to run fast.
At the beginning of the relationship between the poet Yu Guangzhong and his wife Fan Wucun, they were not favored for a while.
But the two still entered the marriage hall and dealt with the problems of life together.
Yu Guangzhong is not only busy with university teaching, but also works hard to publish poetry collections to earn royalties and manuscript fees, so as to provide a stable source of income for his family.
Fan Wucun took the initiative to take on all the housework and tidy up the house in an orderly manner.
The two don't let each other worry about it, they don't interfere too much with each other, and work together to run a good family.
What really determines the temperature of a home is the way family members get along with each other.
If they tear each other down, the family will collapse, and if the two of them build a stage together, their lives will flourish.
Husband and wife are of the same heart, major matters are carried together, and chores are shared, there is no hurdle that cannot be overcome, and there is no catastrophe that cannot be overcome.
03
In his book "Intimacy", Roland Miller proposed the theory of interdependence.
We all want to get two kinds of reward value from our families.
One is material value, that is, the material security given in life;
The other is emotional value, that is, whether it can bring a sense of pleasure and accomplishment in getting along.
In the family, whether a person can provide emotional value to the other party largely determines the success or failure of a relationship and the rise or fall of a family.
After Lai Shengchuan and his wife Ding Naizhu got married, they decided to study at the University of Berkeley in the United States.
In Berkeley, the annual tuition fee was several thousand dollars, and they took out all their savings and their family's financial support to barely make up for the tuition and fees.
Just as the two started a new life, they encountered an accident - their money was swept away.
The two mistakenly believed a friend and handed over the money to the other party to take care of, hoping to earn some interest every month.
As a result, two months later, the friend evaporated from the world with all their savings.
When Lai Shengchuan was panicked and anxious about this, Ding Naizhu smiled and comforted: Now we have to find a way to make money ourselves.
In the decades since, Ding Naizhu has stood firmly by Lai Shengchuan's side.
When she graduated with a master's degree, she was already pregnant, and she refused the school's invitation to let her study for a doctorate, and took on the dual responsibilities of childbirth and work, just so that Lai Chuansheng could finish the doctoral program in the next three years with peace of mind.
She is willing to hide her light and silently supports Lai Shengchuan's career behind her back.
Lai Shengchuan said more than once about this: "In my heart, my wife will always come first." ”
The road of life is full of twists and turns, and there are many obstacles, but with the strong backing of our families, we have the courage to go forward step by step.
You understand my hardships, I understand your hardships, as long as the two of them support each other, no matter how poor and difficult it is, they will make a fortune.
▽
In Buddhism, there is a bird called the Symbiotic Bird, a female and a male, who share the same body.
They advance and retreat together, share honor and disgrace.
It's not the same among family members.
When people's hearts are gathered, everything can be accomplished, and when people's hearts are harmonious, family fortune is prosperous.
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