#Article Debut Challenge##Character Story##Second Marriage##Transnational Marriage##Laos Daughter-in-law##海外生活#
This is the 3,146th real story we have told
Lao sister-in-law's younger brother went to school, but she called and unceremoniously ordered: "Are the Chinese here? My brother needs 5 million Lao dollars to go to school, you prepare it for me." ”
I am the "Chinese" in the mouth of my sister-in-law in Laos, and I came to Laos to marry a daughter-in-law 14 years younger, which seems lucky, but in fact I have a lot of troubles. Marrying a Laotian daughter-in-law is equivalent to marrying a family, and everyone uses me as an ATM.
Even the family of the "married" uncle came to me to buy firewood, rice, oil and salt, charge phone bills, and even give birth to children. Usually I was so scared that I didn't dare to go to my uncle's house, and as soon as I entered the door, his children asked me for money.
Before we returned to China, my Lao sister-in-law was already planning to bring my washing machine and refrigerator to their house. He also said that if I kept my father-in-law, I would have to give his family 5 million Lao Yuan (equivalent to 4,000 yuan) every month.
How should I be good with such a mother's family? When and when can I bring my wife and children home?
(At the age of 37, he married his daughter-in-law in Laos and gave birth to a daughter)
My name is Lao Xu @ Lao Xu's Lao daughter-in-law, born in Puyang County, Henan Province in 1982.
I have 4 siblings in my family, two older sisters and one younger brother. In the early years, my parents did a small business, mainly selling fruits, and they sold for more than 20 years.
I was a very introverted person when I was a kid and even had severe social phobia. I dropped out of junior high school after a year. Because I was young and didn't have a high degree of education, it was not easy to find a job after dropping out of school, so I wanted to start my own business.
I sold honeycomb coal and cold skin, but because of my personality, I failed to start a business, and then I went to learn to drive a forklift.
When I was 19 years old, my mother died of gallbladder cancer. It was then that I vaguely realized that I had to walk on my own.
In 2004, at the age of 22, I reached the age of talking about marriage, and I was introduced to my first wife to marry, and I had two daughters after marriage. Originally, the life of the family was quite happy and happy, but later because of family trivialities and the lack of emotional foundation between the two, they often quarreled.
It will take 12 years to have a complete family for the child. In 2016, my first marriage came to an end. The eldest daughter followed my ex-wife, and I took my 4-year-old younger daughter to run Didi in Zhengzhou.
(When I was 33 years old, I was in Lhasa, Tibet)
At that time, I didn't make money running Didi, I was in debt, and I was carrying my little daughter, so my life was very stressful. Later, a friend said to me: "Lao Xu, don't you know how to drive a forklift, you can follow the Belt and Road project to Laos to drive a forklift, not only the work is reliable, the salary is also high, but the work is harder." ”
As soon as I heard that this was a good idea, as long as I could make money, it didn't matter if I was tired and tired. So I entrusted my little daughter to my second sister to take with me, and in June 2017, I came to Laos with the national Belt and Road project and drove a forklift on the construction site.
In my first year in Laos, my family advised me to find a daughter-in-law in Laos. But at that time, I saw that Laotians generally had dark skin and did not understand the language, so I had no plans to start a family there.
But at the end of the following year, I changed my mind. Through a friend's introduction, I met a girl from Vientiane, Laos, and met her parents, and the wedding date was set. But my father and relatives disagreed. Because the Laotian girl is 20 years younger than me, she is still underage. And I was the same age as her mother, and my family didn't think it was reliable.
I didn't think much about it at the time, but I still went to the girl's house with the bride price. However, it turned out that the girl's mother loved to play cards. Playing cards is a bottomless pit, and I don't want to be used as an ATM by my future mother-in-law, so I gave up.
(My current Lao daughter-in-law, Ali)
Later, in Luang Prabang, I met my current Laotian daughter-in-law, Ali. I had been in Laos for two years at the time, and I knew Lao more or less. It's not very good, but it's a little bit understood.
At first, we chatted online through translation software, and after chatting a few times, I felt that Ali was a simple and kind girl. She is from the old dragon clan, born in 1996, 14 years younger than me.
At that time, I was 37 years old, and I had a marriage and two daughters in China, and I was worried that Ali would mind, and I kept struggling with whether to tell her the truth.
After struggling, I decided to tell Ali that she was a little surprised, but she said she didn't mind. I immediately proposed, "Ali, let's have a meal together when we have time!" Unexpectedly, Ali readily agreed.
The first time I had dinner with Ali, she was so shy that she didn't even dare to look me in the eye when she spoke. In fact, I was also very nervous, and I seemed calm on the surface, and my hands under the table were sweating. I've been looking for topics to talk about, and we're chatting with each other.
I glanced at Ali from time to time and noticed that although she wasn't amazing, she was the kind of girl who was good-looking. He has black and bright hair, thick eyebrows and big eyes. Seeing her blush to the base of her ears, I think she's quite cute.
(Ali selfie)
Later, I invited Ali to dinner a few more times, and she gradually let go of herself, without the shyness she had before. Before we could confirm our relationship, Ali offered to take me to meet her family. The first time I went to her house to meet her parents, I bought some gifts according to Chinese etiquette, only to find out later that they Laotians are not used to this Xi.
Ali's family is poor, and she has an older brother who has been "married" many years ago. In Laos, on the contrary to us in China, boys marry out, and girls stay at home to recruit sons-in-law.
On the day she went to Ali's house, her parents, brother and sister-in-law were there. Ali's sister-in-law just met me and asked me to buy Ali a mobile phone, and I agreed. Not only did I buy Ali a mobile phone, but I also bought a TV for her when I saw that she didn't have a single decent piece of furniture in her house.
Unexpectedly, the mobile phone she just bought for Ali was lost after 5 days. Seeing her crying sadly, I couldn't bear to feel sad for her, so I didn't hesitate to buy her another one.
Ali's family was very satisfied with me, so they let Ali continue to get along with me. After that, I took her to our construction site and asked her to work in the construction site canteen.
(I went out with Ali to take a selfie)
At the beginning of 2020, I suddenly received a call from my hometown in China, saying that my father had passed away, and I was very sad on the other end of the phone.
Before I was 40 years old, my parents passed away. Thinking that in the future, there will be no one to discuss with the big and small things in the family, and my tears can't stop rolling in my eyes.
I couldn't wait to fly back to China to keep my father's filial piety, but because of the epidemic, I couldn't go back, so I could only work on the construction site every day with a heavy heart.
Because I didn't go home to see my father off for the last time, I was scolded by the villagers so much that I couldn't raise my head. But who can understand the bitterness in my heart, on the day of my father's burial, I slapped myself more than 30 times, each slap with deep regret and guilt.
Fortunately, having Ali by my side, crying with me, and talking to me, made me feel better.
Three months after my father's death, Ali's mother also passed away from liver ascites. Her mother had no money to bury her, so Ali cried and asked me to give her 5 million Lao coins.
Actually, we weren't sure about our relationship at the time, but I still gave her the money. With her mother's funeral out of the way, we finally formalized our relationship. Then she and I went to the mines, and then we had a daughter.
(Ali and our daughter)
Because Ali and I were not married, we were fined for having children. From the conception of my daughter to the birth of my daughter, Ali and I really lived together in the morning and evening, and many contradictions gradually emerged. One is because of the language barrier, and the other is because of cultural differences and personalities.
After having children, basically all the money I earned had to be handed over. Ali is very strict with money, and sometimes my father-in-law asks for money, but she doesn't give it.
Laos is a matriarchal society, and in many things, Ali is too strong and wants to call the shots. In addition, she does not know Chinese at all, and I only know a little about Laotian, so we often quarrel over small things.
I was annoyed many times, and I wanted to give up this relationship, but because I had children, I could only insist.
Now I have been with Ali for 4 years, the children are three years old, and we have not yet had a wedding, not even a marriage certificate, because the Lao village chief does not allow the wedding. For a wedding in Laos, I need to give the village chief a red envelope of 50 million Lao Yuan (equivalent to 3~40,000 RMB), and I don't want to give it.
I plan to go back to China to get a Chinese marriage certificate and then have a wedding. However, I have already given 50 million Lao coins as requested by my mother-in-law when my mother-in-law was there, and I bought a gold necklace and ring for Ali, and I also bought a ring for my father-in-law.
(We are a family of three)
My father-in-law is 75 years old this year, and his ears are still a little back, and most of our communication relies on Ali's translation.
The old man is a simple and thrifty person, his clothes have been worn for more than ten years, and he is reluctant to throw them away if he breaks a few holes, even if he throws them at him, he will pick them up. My wife and I often buy him new ones, but he is always reluctant to wear them.
My husband doesn't talk much, but he likes children very much, and after Ali's daughter and I were born, he was very good to my daughter, and my daughter was very clingy to him.
The old man is always idle, either going out to chop firewood, or weaving some bamboo supplies at home. But now that I am older, and the Laotians always like to sleep on the ground, they have fallen into leg problems, and they get sick at every turn.
His leg hurts, so I prepared the footwash for him and brought it to him to soak his feet. For the convenience of my father-in-law, we brought the food to his bed and ate with him.
I also often cook some Chinese food for them to eat, and I always let my husband try the first bite. He didn't talk much, but he could tell he was happy.
Some time ago, my father-in-law was sick and had difficulty moving, I took him to the hospital, and I carried him in and out, and people who didn't know thought I was his own son.
Now that my father is gone, my father-in-law is my father, and I do my best to make him eat well, dress well, and have a good time.
(My husband and my daughter)
In the past few years with Ali, I feel that I should serve my father-in-law, but my uncle's family always uses me as an ATM, which makes me bored.
After the eldest brother "married", he usually didn't take care of his father-in-law, and he often asked his father-in-law for money. After my mother-in-law died, I first gave my father-in-law 1.6 million Lao Yuan (equivalent to 1,000 yuan) every month, and then my uncle asked me to go.
The eldest brother came to ask for money when he ran out of money. For example, the mobile phone has no phone bill, and the child should buy clothes, and the father-in-law helped him solve it, and the father-in-law really spoiled him.
The eldest brother works to earn some money, and he goes to drink, and he doesn't care about anything at home. Sometimes the family was so poor that they didn't have money to buy rice, but the father-in-law asked us to send money to his family.
My brother's wife went to the hospital to give birth, and he called us first. Then he was like an idler, empty-handed, he didn't bring anything, I bought bottles, milk powder, diapers. He also waited for me to pay for the child.
(Wedding photos taken by Ali and I in Laos)
But my money didn't come from the wind, so I was very unhappy. My wife also told me to leave it alone and let him figure it out on his own. Unexpectedly, the next day my father-in-law called me and asked me to go home, and when I got home, I saw that my uncle was also there, and he said that he couldn't borrow money and forced me to pay. I had no choice but to hand over the money to him.
As soon as his wife gave birth, his eldest brother gave her boiling water to make porridge. I couldn't stand it, so I went to buy him a chicken, bought a pot, and let him stew it in the hospital for his sister-in-law.
The eldest brother "gnawed" on me, and his family came to me to ask me for money. When I went to his house, my uncle and mother-in-law asked my children to ask me for money. Even my sister-in-law's younger brother came to me when he went to school and had no money. It seems that the family is using me as an ATM.
We can still make up for the small money, but my wife won't let me out the big money, and my wife said that she can't get used to them, so let the eldest brother go out to find a job to earn money. But my father-in-law is soft-hearted and always gives him money, so I don't dare to give my father-in-law too much pocket money now.
(Wife and daughter take a selfie)
In 2021, due to the epidemic, it was difficult to find a job, so I took videos at home and became a video blogger to share some experiences in Laos.
I actually don't recommend that you come to Laos in order to find a wife, after all, it is not your own country, and you don't understand the customs and Xi of Laos, and it is easy to be deceived when looking for a wife here. Although there are more Laotian girls, because of the small population of Laos, the government does not support Lao girls to marry outside.
Even if you do find it, it will be very troublesome. It takes two or three months to get a marriage certificate, and it can take a month at the earliest. It takes 25,000 yuan to find someone to apply for a marriage certificate, and you can save some money by doing it yourself. However, the language barrier also requires various procedures, the village chief signs, and goes to the public security bureau and the provincial capital to go through various procedures, which is very cumbersome.
Moreover, Laotian girls also want a bride price, 50 million Lao yuan (equivalent to 3~40,000 yuan), and some ask for higher, even hundreds of millions. In addition to the bride price, some Laotian girls will even ask you to buy land for their family to build a house here.
Fortunately, my wife never asked me to buy land for her to build a house, and I will not do this, because I am Chinese, and I will definitely return to China in the future.
There are also many netizens who say that they want to come to Laos to make money by shooting videos, I want to say that this side is really not as good as everyone thinks, and it is not so simple to shoot videos.
You don't know Lao, and besides, it's not a casual shooting here, and many people have suffered losses on it, either being beaten or robbed.
If you come here to shoot a video, in this case, you can only eat coptis dumbly. Because in Laos, you don't expect to call the police to solve the problem, the police here are not like us in China who will call you in 5 minutes, and he may not be able to come to the police in 50 minutes.
Not only is it useless to call the police, but it may also cause trouble for yourself, make those people anxious, and maybe even worry about your life. So it's best to stay in China as safest of all.
(Go out to play and take pictures of your wife and daughter)
If it weren't for the situation, I would have gone back to live in China a long time ago. I have been in Laos for 6 years, and every time I hear my daughter on the other end of the phone saying that she misses me so much and hopes that I will return to China soon, my heart will break.
I must go back to China to live, so every day I teach my Lao daughter-in-law and daughter to speak Chinese, sentence by sentence, and teach not to teach.
My wife can now understand a lot of Chinese and can speak some of it. My daughter Jiajia is still young, and many times I am reluctant to speak, so I can only be more patient.
Recently, I have been going through various documents and preparing to return to China. Before we returned to China, my sister-in-law in Laos was already planning to pull the washing machine and refrigerator in our house, completely ignoring the life of my father-in-law.
Before returning home, our only concern was my father-in-law. If we're gone, he's so pitiful to be alone. It is precisely because of this that my wife is hesitant to go to China to live.
I wanted my father-in-law and my eldest brother to live together, but my sister-in-law agreed, but there were prerequisites for us to give him 5 million Lao yuan every month (equivalent to almost 4,000 yuan).
Even if he lives in China, an old man in a rural area can't use that much money every month.
Therefore, in the future, I plan to take my father-in-law to China for retirement, and the visa will be handled for my father-in-law. My husband lives with us, and Ali is more relieved.
In just a few decades of life, I have reached middle age in a daze. I've been confused, helpless, and troubled, but I've survived. Despite the setbacks, I am grateful for every day of my life. Strive to move forward, and hope that the future will be better and better!
(Welcome to follow the protagonist account "Lao Xu's Lao daughter-in-law")
[Dictation: Lao Xu]
[Editor: Yi Cai]
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