After his son died, Qin Yi couldn't believe it.
Everyone told her that this time, Jin Jie was really gone. But she shook her head, said I didn't believe it, turned her head, and locked herself in her son's room for days without anyone.
More than twenty years ago, her husband Jin Yan, who had been in bed for many years, left, and everyone told her that now you can rest, she said no, I still have my son to take care of. When the golden flame was there, a pot of small white flowers was planted on the balcony. The golden flame was gone, and no one watered the little white flower anymore. One day she went to the balcony to see that the little white flowers had withered. Qin Yi's tears came down at once, fluttering: "Little white flower, little white flower, do you want to bloom again no matter what?" I will serve you well, and whenever you ask for water, I will water you whenever you want..."
In the long lonely night, when the moon was empty, Qin Yi told the flower plate her heart alone.
As a result, the next day, the small white flowers really bloomed, and there were 40 of them.
Qin Yi smiled, she knew the meaning of the little white flower.
When Jin Jie was still there, Qin Yi was busy outside during the day, and when he returned home, he had to be busy with his son's eating, dressing, drinking water and taking medicine. In winter, Qin Yi personally knitted sweaters for her son, and in summer, Qin Yi had to wipe her son's body.
The reason why Qin Yi is so meticulous to her son is because her son Jin Jie has a very serious schizophrenia. Qin Yi often tells others that my son has this disease, in fact, the most painful thing is himself, and the most worrying thing is his mother, I am his mother, so I must redouble my most sincere love and care for him. In her words, she was not at ease that someone else took care of her son.
Qin Yi and son Jin Jie
People always say that the child is old enough to leave her parents, but this kind of thing will not happen to her. From the moment his son got sick, his son was a chick with folded wings, and Qin Yi was like a mother sheep, taking a mouthful of milk on this son. She was trapped by this child, but she did not complain to heaven, but just used her not wide shoulders to tie the child to her body, step by step, very steadily.
Jin Jie liked to draw when she was a child, and Qin Yi bought her a paintbrush and wanted to cultivate her child's interest in drawing. But one day, Qin Yi suddenly received a call from home while filming, "It's not good, you come back soon, the child has an accident." Qin Yi put down the matter at hand and rushed home.
As soon as she opened the door, all she saw was shredded paper on the floor, and Jin Jie sat at the table, holding a pen and paper to scribble, and when she was finished, she tore off the paper, and then began to talk to herself, and shouted for her mother to buy him again. Jin Jie's abnormal behavior made Qin Yi frightened and scared, she rushed to take her son to the hospital, but let her get a regretful news for a lifetime, only 16-year-old Jin Jie suffered from schizophrenia.
Schizophrenia is now an insoluble terminal illness.
Qin Yi felt that his sky had collapsed, and later when Qin Yi learned that all this was related to the growth of his neglected children, Qin Yi was even more bitter.
It turned out that because Qin Yi was a famous big star in the country, and the child's father was a golden flame with the title of "Movie Emperor", the husband and wife were very busy at work, and usually the child was entrusted to the grandmother to take care of. But this care took care of the accident.
Jin Jie has been introverted since he was a child, does not like words, especially after falling in love with painting, he has put all his emotions into the world of painting. But his silence gave the bad boys at school the opportunity to bully him. He often bullied him when he was caught, and threw him at him with a basketball, but Jin Jie never just resigned, never resisted, and did not tell anyone in the family. And the grandmother who takes care of him can make Jin Jie eat and wear warm, and he will not realize that he must always pay attention to Jin Jie's mental health.
Qin Yi and his son
When Jin Jie was bullied and felt lonely, no one told him and could not be discharged, and in the long run, his mental illness developed to an irreparable point, and Qin Yi, as a mother, deeply blamed himself. Qin Yi's child was extremely upset and painful after she fell ill, she couldn't imagine why such a thing would happen to her son, if there was any torture rushing to her, why did it come to her son's body?
This incident has made Qin Yi always grumpy, even after Jin Jie's death, she always feels that she is sorry for her son and owes him too much.
She often said to friends and reporters who interviewed: "At that time, we were filming outside all year round, lacking love for him, and did not perceive the hidden dangers of the little brother's introversion, ignoring the troubles of my son's growth." No one to talk about, loneliness has led to his autism, if not, spend more time on him, maybe the little brother's personality can be channeled and transformed, we owe him. ”
In fact, we can imagine the kind of pain that Jin Jie felt. Qin Yi said in his recollection: In Jin Jie's childhood and adolescence, it was difficult to see his mother. How many times, Jin Jie looked out the window, hoping that his mother would be able to come home today, but the answers he got were all disappointment.
That day, Qin Yi returned home, collected the picture books and easels that his son had thrown away, and put them in the cupboard, which could not help but feel sad. She originally hoped that her son would use this brush easel to develop his painting talent and learn some specialties, but now her son has become a mental patient, and all his hopes have been dashed for a while.
Since then, the brush easel has been shelved and gradually forgotten.
When his son fell ill, Qin Yi pushed away all his work and took Jin Jie around to seek medical treatment, but the answer he got was that there was no way, there was no treatment. But Qin Yi didn't believe it, and she felt that she had to pay back all the debt she owed to her son. Since in the son's previous ten years of life, she had been waiting for her mother's regrets, now she had to make up for this regret.
This power of compensation has become a determination, a responsibility, it coincides with the tough female figures that Qin Yi plays in film and television, her artistic image carries a real power, and when everyone is marveling at the vitality of her artistic creation, no one will think of the suffering she carries.
If we associate such a family background with so many of Qin Yi's films, we will really have an unbelievable illusion. What kind of strength was supporting her to walk alone, and every evening when she came home, the image of her smaller and resolute back pushing open the door of the house, how could it not make people cry.
What kind of greatness can a confused spiritual vortex emerge that can be stretched?
Tears, not because of compassion, but because of greatness.
This greatness is colloquially called motherhood.
After Jin Jie fell ill, Qin Yi took his son with him, even if it was filming, he had to take care of the child before going out before performing.
But the treatment of mental illness is not simple, the biggest obstacle is the fear of recurrence, fear of stimulation. In order to treat his illness, Jin Jie constantly took medicine, was hospitalized, and even tried cruel electroconvulsive therapy, and his condition finally improved under the careful company of his mother, and he returned to school at one point. Jin Jie, whose condition had improved, unfortunately received great stimulation during Qin Yi's business trip and during his absence from home, and his condition recurred.
Since then, Jin Jie has never been able to return to school and can no longer live a normal life.
Qin Yiwan could not imagine that the child's condition would one day deteriorate again under her care.
When filming "Overseas Naked" in Hainan, Qin Yi always wore a long sleeve and never dared to show the part above her wrist to others. In fact, if someone has the heart to roll up her sleeve, she will find that it is a lot of scars, and it is her son Jin Jie who causes all this.
It turned out that because Jin Yan was bedridden and unable to take care of her son, Qin Yi had to take Jin Jie, who suffered from schizophrenia, to Hainan, where she was filming. Unexpectedly, one day, Qin Yi returned to the residence after filming, and just after opening the door, Jin Jie angrily slapped Qin Yi's face.
It turns out that the climate in Hainan is too hot, the average temperature can reach 40 degrees, long-term living in this kind of sauna day, ordinary people will be made hot and uneasy, not to mention a mentally ill person.
The heat of the heat, the original lack of violent tendencies of Jin Jie suffered from mania, when the onset of the disease, he forced him to take medicine every day as the object of the attack, often hit Qin Yi. Jin Jie's condition has become more serious since then.
During that time, Jin Jie acted against Qin Yi almost every day, and when Qin Yi couldn't hide, he could only let his son scold.
In order not to delay the progress of filming, Qin Yi had to hold her head and shout with her fist back to her son: "Don't punch your mother in the face, your mother will shoot tomorrow, you can't punch your face." ”
"You can't punch your face, tomorrow mom is going to shoot!" When we admire Qin Yi's dedication, we are also moved by her maternal love. Every time her son moved, she endured it alone, and she blamed this pain on her own neglect in those years. She took these as her own punishments, and she accepted them openly, and the only thing she had was that everything come to her. She said to Jin Jie more than once: "You must not hit others with your hands." ”
But what scared Qin Yi still happened. Once, when Jin Jie was ill, he accidentally hit the nanny at home because he couldn't see clearly because it was dark. Although the nanny was only a flesh and skin wound, Qin Yi was afraid after thinking about it. The child's illness finally worsened.
Helpless, Qin Yi could only send the child to the hospital.
Jin Jie knew that he was in trouble, he looked at his mother pitifully, Qin Yiqiang endured the reluctance in his heart, and handed over his son to the hospital. Just when Qin Yi settled down and Jin Jie was preparing to leave the hospital, Jin Jie looked at his mother's eyes very uneasy, this look, Qin Yi was very understanding, she understood that Jin Jie was very afraid that he would be abandoned by his mother from now on.
Qin Yi was also very reluctant to give up on her son, but for the sake of her son's illness, she could only leave with a cruel heart. And Jin Jie stayed in the hospital for five months. In five months, Qin Yi ran to the hospital every time there was a gap in filming, three times a day, but even like this, Jin Jie still couldn't let go. He was used to his mother's care for him. When he went to bed at night, he was always coaxed to take medicine before going to sleep. However, in hospitals, doctors and nurses have a large number of patients to take care of, and it is impossible to take good care of every patient.
When she was at home, Qin Yi treated her son with all kinds of careful care, but now in the hospital, Jin Jie could only lie alone in bed every day, watching the busy backs of the medical staff back and forth. Loneliness, a feeling of abandonment haunted him all the time, and he knew that he should be punished for making a mistake, so he was very cooperative with the treatment. His illness gradually stabilized, and five months passed in the blink of an eye.
Five months later, Due to the obvious effect of treatment, Jin Jie was allowed to be discharged from the hospital, and he was finally relieved. After Jin Jie was discharged from the hospital, he couldn't wait to make a request to Qin Yi, he said: "Mom, let me go home, I promise I will never hit anyone again." ”
Qin Yi's tears came down at once. She was willing to leave her son in the hospital, looking at her son's pitiful eyes, Qin Yi's heart was also soft, she stretched out her little finger to hook her son's finger and said: "As long as you don't beat people, your mother will not send you to the hospital." ”
In this way, the mother and son made a commitment to each other by pulling the hook. However, it was for this promise that Qin Yi began a more difficult path to treating his son.
After all, Jin Jie was a mental patient, and Qin Yi was not a professional doctor. Jin Jie could not control his emotions at all, and his mania flared up, and he did not remember his original promise.
Do you want to send your son back to the hospital? Don't say you don't want to, your son's condition may get worse again. But Qin Yi was not knocked down by the difficulties, he had been sorry for his son before, and now he could not live up to him anyway, Qin Yi began to consult doctors everywhere and read medical books, but with little effect. Until one time when Jin Jie's mood began to be unstable, and when he saw that he was about to move again, Qin Yi hurriedly said to Jin Jie: "Little brother, don't do this, so you have to go to the hospital again." ”
When these words were spoken, Jin Jie's mind was still awake, and he immediately remembered the agreement with his mother and immediately became quiet. This incident seemed to point out a way out for Qin Yi, and Qin Yi began to gradually explore a way to treat Jin Jie.
Qin Yi also mentioned this method in a later interview.
No matter how wrong he is, I will not scold him, because I know that after scolding him, he will be in a bad mood, and a patient like this cannot fight with him, nor can I scold him. You have to reason with him, don't make trouble, don't make trouble, you have to go to the hospital again, and it's not easy to deal with.
Qin Yi's method, in a simple sentence, is to take care of Jin Jie's emotions bit by bit, and to keep Jin Jie in a happy state.
Under Qin Yi's careful care, Jin Jie's condition improved little by little, and the next surprise was finally waiting for the mother and son who were suffering.
Once Qin Yi took his son to play in Hengshan Park, his favorite when he was a child, and as he walked, Jin Jie, who was originally as wooden as usual, suddenly became excited and took his mother's hand and excitedly held it: "I came here when I was a child, and I painted the trees here." Jin Jie's words surprised Qin Yi, his son had not been so excited for a long time, let alone opened his mouth, and then Jin Jie's words made Qin Yi surrounded by great joy, he said: "Mother, I want to paint." ”
Qin Yi was stunned for a moment, and immediately took her son's hand and rushed home, taking out the brush easel that she had shelved from the layers of objects. Although more than twenty years have passed, the once healthy Jin Jie still remembers the way he painted with them, and now the hope of his son regaining his health has reappeared in front of Qin Yi's eyes, and Qin Yi is excited. That day, Qin Yi took a paintbrush and easel and took her son back to the park again. Jin Jie saw the long-lost brush and easel, and he seemed very excited, as if he had returned to his youth, and he was unwilling to put it down when he picked up the paintbrush.
His son was born to paint, and Qin Yi looked at his son in front of him and secretly made a decision. She hired a painting teacher for her son and taught him to draw. Jin Jie's talent for painting is very high, and his paintings have a unique taste, perhaps because Jin Jie's heart is less of the constraints of the real world, and although his paintings do not have too many skills, they are full of flexible colors.
Qin Yi sometimes draws two strokes together, and every day with the companion of painting, Jin Jie has no anxious look, nor has he ever been sick or beaten. Qin Yi often took her son around to paint and sketch, and later in order to encourage her son, she also took her son's paintings to the charity sale.
Jin Jie did not understand what a bazaar was, but when he learned that the bazaar was to help people with obstacles like him, Jin Jie would always agree to come down and paint seriously.
In 2000, at the Portman Hotel in Shanghai, a gouache painting by Jin Jie called Hengshan Park was exhibited and auctioned, and the painting was eventually bought by Schwarzenegger for $25,000. After getting the painting, Schwarzenegger was so excited that he took Ginger's hand and shouted, this is a miracle. It's a miracle.
Yeah, it's a miracle, a miracle created by a mother.
However, behind this joy, Qin Yi's eyes often carried a trace of worry. In the eyes of others, Qin Yi is now bitter, but Qin Yi himself knows that the time he spends with his son may not be too long.
How much suffering she has endured over the years to take care of her sick son is known only to herself. Due to the perennial illness, Jin Jie's main task is to receive treatment, so he does not have the ability to take care of himself. And due to the perennial use of psychotropic drugs, Jin Jie's body has been seriously affected, suffering from diabetes and constipation, and his kidneys are not very good. Sometimes there is even incontinence. All of this needs to be personally cared for by Qin Yi. But it is not only Jin Jie who needs Qin Yi, as early as before Jin Jie fell ill, Qin Yi's husband Jin Yan had gastrectomy surgery because of a serious stomach disease, and he was bedridden and also needed Qin Yi's care.
After her daughter grew up and had her own family, Qin Yi's life was to take care of two patients in the family in addition to work.
On December 27, 1983, her husband Jin Yan died, and everyone thought she could breathe a sigh of relief, but she took up the burden of treating her son.
Before Jin Jie fell ill, because Qin Yi was busy filming, it was very difficult for Jin Jie to see his mother, not to mention his mother's love. But since he fell ill, every day of his life has a mother Qin Yi, in addition to taking care of Jin Jie's diet and living, will always keep him in a happy state. The little brother was afraid of thunder, so whenever it rained, Qin Yi would develop a habit, and she would immediately rush to Jin Jie's room to comfort him. On the way, when he met Jin Jie's favorite snacks, Qin Yi always forgot to bring one home.
After Jin Jie fell ill, he experienced the maternal love that he had never experienced when he was young, and Qin Yi redoubled his love and concern for his son at this moment, and secretly made up for the maternal love that had been missing for his son in this way.
However, Qin Yi's own body is not good, she has had 4 serious illnesses, 7 times of surgery, 44 years old, has bowel cancer, was asserted by the doctor that "life is not long..."
The shadow of death was always lingering in her mind. She is not afraid of death, she is afraid of what her son should do after she dies?
After she died, who will take care of Jin Jie, Jin Jie can't take care of herself in life, from taking insulin, to taking a bath, cutting her hair, cutting her nails, all the trivialities of life, who can take care of him like she does? If you take a step first, where should you leave such a son?
She once tentatively asked her son, little brother, mother is dead, what do you do?
Jin Jie didn't know what death was, and he replied without thinking, you won't die. But after answering, Jin Jie bowed his head and was silent for a moment, and he added, You are going to die, and I can't live.
His son's answer made Qin Yi sad, those five months of hospitalization, Jin Jie was so inseparable from himself, but now if he was really not there, what would happen to him?
Qin Yi wanted to hold up a piece of heaven for his son, but how long could this piece of sky last? I know my age and body, but life still has to go on, and the days still have to go on. Maybe one day Jin Jie will not need his own care?
However, on this day, Jin Jie still did not wait after all.
In early 2007, Jin Jie was hospitalized for diabetes and kidney disease. Qin Yi thought that this time, as usual, Jin Jie would not be discharged from the hospital for a long time, but what he did not expect was that not long after being hospitalized, Jin Jie was unconscious because of his aggravated condition.
Qin Yi was very worried, she sat next to her son, shook his son's hand and said: "Little brother, little brother, look at your mother, don't always sleep, this is not good for your health, you open your eyes and look." ”
She did not dare to leave her son for a moment, she was afraid that she would not be able to sleep as soon as she left him. There was a vague worry in her heart, and she felt that her son might really not be able to survive this time. But she immediately put aside this worry, her son was still young, and he would never go first.
But Jin Jie didn't seem to even have the strength to open her eyes at this time, but she still insisted on talking to Jin Jie. Finally, one day, Jin Jie woke up, he opened his mouth, and said with almost all his strength: "It doesn't matter, without me, you can save some effort." ”
Qin Yi was like a sculpture that had suddenly dried out, and she said in a trembling voice, "We treat, child, it doesn't matter, we treat." ”
She knew that Jin Jie's illness was powerless to return to heaven, but she still had even the slightest hope, and she felt that miracles might suddenly come again, just like all these years, hadn't her son become a painter under her care. It's okay, it's going to be okay.
Jin Jie seemed to understand his mother, and the resentment that his mother was not around in those years seemed to have suddenly disappeared. He understands more clearly in his heart the hard work of his mother over the years, maybe he is gone, his mother may not be so tired, and he will live more freely and more worry-freely. It was also because of this that he would say such words to Qin Yi to comfort his mother.
During the season when Jin Jie was hospitalized, the weather was still warm and cold, and Jin Jie's hand would become cold when he put it outside the quilt for a long time, so Qin Yi would always help him cover his hands after Jin Jie finished playing the bottle. But at this time, Jin Jie, who was in a coma, was still able to consciously slowly pull out his hand, hold his mother's hand again, and gently stroke it, and his son's words and deeds seemed to be in Qin Yi's heart. Jin Jie seemed to have a premonition, using this way to comfort her mother not to be sad, Qin Yi knew that she was not capable of saving her son, all she could do was to accompany her son at all times, and keep talking in his ear, so that he would not feel lonely in the last moments of his life.
In the middle of the night of March 7, 2007, Jin Jie, who had struggled with the disease for more than forty years, died peacefully, and in Jin Jie's words, he could finally save his mother effort. Perhaps Jin Jie hoped in the dark that his departure would make his mother let go of a burden and live more easily, so he walked so calmly.
After Jin Jie was buried, Qin Yi shut himself in his room all day. For the advice of others, she refused to leave it all. From the beginning of her son's illness, Jin Jie and she were inseparable, for more than forty years, her son became her life, and now that her son is gone, her half life is also lost.
Qin Yi has been married twice. Her first husband, Chen Tianguo, was a colleague in the film studio. Once Chen Tianguo asked her to go to the top of the mountain, Chen Tianguo said to her, "Since seeing you, I have liked you." The days without you are simply too painful. Marry me. ”
Qin Yi's eyes widened in shock, and she subconsciously said, "No, I'm still too young, please be cool." ”
Chen Tianguo instantly rushed to the edge of the cliff like crazy. He pulled Qin Yi along: "If you don't agree, I will jump off the cliff." ”
Qin Yi was forced to reluctantly agree. However, Chen Tianguo was an alcoholic, and he was also violent, and after giving birth to a child, Qin Yi divorced him.
Later, she met the Shadow Emperor Golden Flame. At that time, the film studio was far away from Qin Yi's house, and Jin Yan said to her, you can live in my house, I sleep on the floor, and you sleep in the bed. But Qin Yi was very embarrassed, because she often worked until two or three o'clock in the evening for fear of disturbing him. Jin Yan said it doesn't matter, you came downstairs and shouted old Jin, I came out to pick you up.
Qin Yi agreed. The two grew closer and closer, and in 1947, they were officially married. However, Jin Yan also drank heavily, and later underwent gastric resection surgery because of excessive drinking, and he was seriously ill. Qin Yi had to take care of her son and serve her husband for so many years.
For so many years, Qin Yi swallowed all the pain and all the pain in the world. She was used to it, but now that these burdens had suddenly gone, Qin Yi was not accustomed to it.
Jin Jie died, Qin Yi put away her son's paintings, and her favorite Portrait of Hengshan Park was framed by her and placed in the living room. She also has a son who paints her portrait, which she cherishes very much. Qin Yi on the portrait is still the appearance of his youth, but the technique is very rough and naïve, which was painted by Jin Jie to his mother before finally entering the hospital, and in his heart, his mother will always be young and beautiful. Qin Yi understood that her son was reluctant to herself, why not, the furnishings at home, the position of the table and chair bench, the son's brush easel, the favorite recliner, the furnishings in the son's room, all of which had not changed, everything seemed as if Jin Jie was still alive.
It's just that things are not human.
She worked on the set during the day, and when she came home at night, she still called out to her son, little brother, and mother as usual. But the son will never come out again. At night, when it was raining and thundering, she would go to her son's room to see if the windows were closed, but when she reached the door, she remembered that there would be no one in this room again. She sometimes felt that her son was still walking around in front of her eyes, but when she looked up, the room was empty only herself.
She had always worried that she would not be able to adapt to her son leaving, but she did not even consider that she would not be able to survive without her son, and even could not survive for a while. Qin Yi could only constantly persuade himself to be strong and brave.
Until one day, she saw the picture of the Wenchuan earthquake being played on the TV, looking at the collapsed houses, looking at the children who had lost their parents, Qin Yi suddenly cried. Although my children were sick, he lived to be 59 years old, but these children were so old that they left at an age when they should not have gone. How can I be immersed in the little love of losing a child, I have the ability, I can help more children.
Qin Yi donated the money originally saved for Jin Jie to see a doctor to the Sichuan disaster area.
She said: "I'm so old, I can't do much, the only thing I can do is donate..."
Someone praised her monthly salary of only 2,000 yuan and donated her life savings, which she immediately denied: "My life is not affected by donations, there is no savings, and next month's salary." ”
Qin Yi seemed to come back to life. At the age of 93, she wrote and directed herself in the movie "Qinghai Lakeside", and at the age of 95, she starred in the old palace girl in "The Legend of the Demon Cat", just sitting there, there is a kind of poetry and vicissitudes of "the white-headed palace girl is here, sitting idly and talking about Xuanzong". Now she's 99 years old, living in the hospital, and sometimes sneaking out to film while the paramedics aren't paying attention. She couldn't sit idle, and she always wanted to go out and find something to do.
Shu Xiuwen once said that she was as beautiful as a carnation blooming in a vase, and both men and women liked it when they saw it.
Qin Yi, I really don't know how to praise this great woman. She has eaten all the sufferings of the world, and she has an indescribable great power in her, a great power called motherhood, and I think that with this unspeakable greatness, she is not ashamed of anyone.