Recently, you must have heard that a well-known screenwriter has been accused by many women of sexual harassment.
Every time I hear about a similar incident, the parents with girls in the family are particularly worried.
Although my family is a boy, as a woman, I also know firsthand. Especially when I grew up, few people paid attention to sexual harassment, but the reality was much more serious than it is today - every day when you come home from school, you must go with you, otherwise you will be easily pestered and harassed by street hooligans. Moreover, the 80s and 90s of the last century were also an era of high incidence of women and children being abducted, sexually assaulted, abused, murdered and other criminal offenses, and it was not easy to solve cases.
Although the party to the news is not a superior-subordinate relationship, it should still be sexual harassment in the workplace. The essence of sexual harassment in the workplace is the asymmetry of power.
Although the incident has not yet reached a final conclusion, I must also give them a lot of credit just to see that those girls were able to overcome shame, self-doubt and public scrutiny and bravely choose to speak out collectively.
They have raised society's attention to sexual harassment, deterred more potential sexual harassment, opened up their privacy and reputation, and opened up a healthier and clearer workplace environment for women.
With the increasing exposure of these incidents, it should be said that social concepts, especially the concept of women's groups, have greatly improved compared with before.
It is added here that in fact, sexual harassment occurs not only between men and women, but also between men (which is also a high percentage), women and women. But since we are still in a patriarchal society, today I want to focus on the plight of women and the upbringing of girls.
In terms of gender equality, China has made progress more than many countries, thanks to the women's liberation movement at the beginning of the founding of New China and equal pay for men and women for equal work.
However, even today, even in large cities, girls who have been valued by their families as much as boys, given the same educational opportunities, and who enter society with the same excellence as boys, still encounter various forms of discrimination, either overtly or invisible.
Many girls are just bent on doing things well, expecting a simple work environment and a fair upward path, but they can always find that whether it is a workspace, a place to socialize, or a social network, there is always a type of "roadblocker" type of man between them and work - objectifying, despising and bullying women. The matter of sexual harassment is difficult to define and prove, and it is often mixed with drinking, jokes, jokes, and seemingly inadvertent touches of these "daily little things".
If you are serious and careful, it is easy to be branded as "unhappy", "too serious", "unsociable", "can't even joke" these "judges" from men. There are even women who actively cooperate with the male group to embarrass women, such people, there are vested interests, there are "Stockholm syndrome patients", or just out of fear of being excluded from the circle by men.
Therefore, it must be objectively said that the workplace environment is not friendly to women.
The more this happens, the more women need to awaken and speak up. It can be said that the status of women has always progressed in the struggle - although the country has various laws and regulations, it is difficult to identify sexual harassment after all, and it basically belongs to "the people do not raise officials and do not prosecute", and must be brought to the table to talk, rather than cover-up, in order to win more of their own rights.
From this incident, we can still see the power of education, why are young women now more daring to fight? It is because they have received more civilized and advanced concepts of equality and educational ideas since childhood, and they cannot tolerate sexual harassment and workplace discrimination, and they do not want to endure.
This is the progress of the times.
On the one hand, we would like to call on society to pay more attention to sexual harassment and punish it according to law. On the other hand, as parents, we have to discipline our children well so that they do not cross the line when they grow up; At the same time, we need to teach them to protect themselves.
Especially in the upbringing of girls, parents should re-examine some traditional concepts to see if there are any suspicious areas in them, and eliminate or improve them. Parenting styles also need to evolve with the times so that girls can be better protected.
Today I think of four points, and you are welcome to add them.
1
Obedience and obedience are not virtues, first of all, we must distinguish between right and wrong and dare to say no
As a parent, it's easy to have a mantra – "Baby obedient." ”
When children cannot distinguish right from wrong when they are young, most of the words of parents and elders are naturally to be heard. But when the child is a little older, it is not possible to blindly emphasize obedience and obedience, but to cultivate the child's ability to distinguish between right and wrong and assertiveness -
Obedience is not important, thinking and judgment are important.
Listen to the right words, and not only can't listen to the wrong words, but also have the courage to say no.
Therefore, as a parent, I will try to avoid saying the word "obedient", but first ask the child: Do you think this sentence makes sense, should you listen to it?
Doing this may be a little troublesome for parents, but it is better than letting children form an inert and flattering personality and encounter more trouble in the future.
2
Your own body is in charge of itself, establish a sense of boundaries, and respect your own feelings
First of all, whether girls or boys, at a very young age, parents must educate them to be protective of their bodies.
You can refer to this map of body parts, the red zone is strictly forbidden to touch, yellow is debatable, and the green part is touchable.
The newly revised Law on the Protection of Rights and Interests of Women in 2022 clearly defines the concept of sexual harassment for the first time: "It is forbidden to sexually harass women against their will by words, words, images, physical behavior, etc." "This means that sexual harassment includes not only physical behavior, but also words, words and images.
This can also be popularized to children as early as possible, and tell children (including boys) that once a similar situation occurs, parents or teachers must be informed immediately.
Secondly, we must respect the child's feelings about his body, encourage and guide the child to say physical and psychological feelings from an early age, have uncomfortable feelings, and learn to express them in a timely and accurate manner.
In addition, a large proportion of sexual harassment occurs between acquaintances, and acquaintances, including relatives and friends, should not be careless, and parents should do a good job as guardians.
3
Women should learn from men's confidence and solidarity
Compared with men, women pay more attention to emotions and relationships, and are more likely to have a tendency to please.
Moreover, women are always more likely to reflect on themselves and find reasons from themselves when they encounter problems; Men, on the other hand, are much more confident, less likely to engage in self-reflection, and less easily trapped by emotions.
Although it is still necessary to try not to be humble or proud, but because women are more likely to be "humble" than men, from overkill, I will encourage women to be more confident, do not wear out - always find fault in themselves.
Tell your child that it is someone else who is at fault for sexual harassment, not you!
In addition to self-attrition, as a group, women should also learn from the unity of men.
The problems faced by many individual women are actually social problems, that is, the problems faced by women as a whole. Therefore, sisters must be clear-headed, not to be PUA by men to become defenders of male interests, but should huddle more to warm up, be considerate and help each other.
This is definitely not advocating the opposition between men and women, and only when the status is truly equal can we talk about opposition, okay? This is still a patriarchal society where men are strong and women are weak, and the status of women needs to be more confident and united to fight for.
4
There will be circles before there is ability, not the other way around
We must see that sexual harassment in the workplace is only the tip of the iceberg, and most women will still choose to swallow their anger and settle down.
There are reasons for face, and a large reason is the fear of male retaliation, exclusion by the circle, and obstruction of job opportunities and rising channels.
In fact, from my work experience for so many years, the ability to work has never been obtained through mixed circles, and only then will there be circles if there is ability. Even if the opportunities obtained in the short term through the mixed circle layer, if they do not do it, they will still be original for a long time and cannot be maintained.
Whether it is studying, working or dealing with people, we need to teach children to bravely refuse and stay away from villains, take the right path, and walk the road. Although it is a little hard, but the real moral and talented people, the road will go wider and wider.