Our family education, human problem nurturing is more important, and he is the first step, the path of psychological development we divide it into four steps, these four steps, first of all, emotions, emotions, is in the case of him completely unable to move, every call you take care of him is not in place? How does he react when you take care of it? He will remember your smell, remember your voice, and then remember your appearance, and when he begins to recognize people from 4 months to half a year old, then an attachment relationship is formed, and this attachment is the initial starting point of emotions. It is one-on-one emotions for a person, when his emotions are satisfied, he establishes trust in the outside world, and this trust is satisfied, and he can extend it to family affection on this basis and is a partner and child affection.
This is actually the core problem of human nature, then the second stage is 3 to 6 years old. 3 to 6 years old is also personality, this personality is the focus, so what is personality, we know that this is the key period of the establishment of the acquired person's social behavior mode of people, all social behaviors have the first time. For example, if I want something that must be satisfied by my parents, how to ask for it, when a child cries in a way? Parents give satisfaction, then this is a way of personality, and there is also a situation where when you can speak, you have to speak up. When I say it, I want to tell you why I can meet and why I can't be satisfied, then this 3-year-old or so said no, and we do a series of character development, which is very important.
Studies have found juvenile delinquency results. Many children at the age of fifteen or sixteen, their parents have said that he has no way to use the words of his parents' father, I have advised him, I have said him, I have beaten him, I have scolded him, but I said that he still does not listen and I can't take him. Why? Because you didn't say no to him before you were 6 years old, say no before you were 6 years old, he didn't have to roll around in the ground, but you can't wait until you're 12 years old, he can pull out his legs and run away from home, he can drink a bottle of pesticide, he can pick up the building and say, if you don't promise me, I'll jump off the building. Therefore, character development must be as early as possible, that is, before he is 6 years old, when he has very little ability to resist, give him a behavior model, then in the process of establishing a behavior pattern for him, let him know what is right and what is wrong.
Well, ideas are actually forming ideas at the same time, I think it is also a psychological phenomenon of nurturing, it is not a psychological phenomenon of education, that is, we sometimes talk a lot of knowledge, it needs a process. However, the concept is not, the concept is one thing, and if you react properly to this matter, this child will form this thing? Is it right or not, but if you didn't stop him at the time. Once he repeats this behavior, then we know what happens after three repetitions? Our psychology is called stereotype, which includes perceptual fixation, thinking fixation and a behavioral fixation. So behavior stereotype I, we all know that it is a habit, but many people do not know that we will also have a fixed attitude in perception, in fact, selfishness is a fixed pattern of social behavior, but he has become a mindset, so the upbringing before the age of 3, that is, we correct with the world. Very important, then this involves a companionship, so the child's company in the early years is extremely important, then by the age of 6 we start school, in this process, if the family does the first 2 questions well. And you have a psychological influence on him, then you are very important in the back, one point is to establish his good study habits, then I think on this issue, we should recognize that people have personality, and the most important part of personality comes from genetics. There is also a part of the day after tomorrow, then a considerable part of the intelligence depends on genetics, and the skill is acquired, so our parents are often communicating, when reading parenting books, the book will tell us that intelligence is innate, when you find that the child is not very sensible in a certain aspect of learning, you have to study whether he has other advantages? Born to be useful, many of us parents now have a misunderstanding is to often tell their children. Why can others take the test 100 points, why can't you take the test, why can others learn so well, why do you not learn well, in fact, I think this is actually related to the child's ability problem, so for the ability problem, it is precisely to identify his personality. In this process, we have to help the child find the specialty of his ability, and you find the specialty of his ability, which actually helps him find his own value, which is his future positioning in society. So this is the child's 3rd stage, so when you do a good job in these 3 stages, after the age of 18, the child basically his cognition is also mature, he can be adjusted through cognition, so we often talk about cultivation, cultivation, a lot of self-cultivation. What 3 people must have my teacher, this is also a kind of social activities, how to cultivate yourself.
This is the path of spiritual development, and we can see the relationship between nurturing and educating them, where the first 2 are all in the process of nurturing, and the last 2 are teaching, including a kind of maturity of the self. So, what about parenting, summarized here are the following points?
First:
Parenting is the hard work of parents, the process of accumulating capital to educate him
We talk a lot about psychological capital right now, I think. The real psychological capital is the control that parents gain control over their children in the early years in the process of hard parenting and personal upbringing, and this control is psychological capital.
Second:
Parenting requires a stable one-to-one relationship. Form an attachment parent-child relationship
If the child does not form a good attachment relationship in his early years, he will form a lot of his potential psychological problems, because we know that the attachment relationship is the child's relaxation of himself, that is, he is very relaxed in the internal organs, and at the same time he relies on a trust around him. If he does not form a good attachment relationship in his early years, he will even have problems of anxiety, tension and even depression in adulthood.
Third:
Parenting is the process of awakening human nature, the starting point of emotional development
In the study of crimes found those murderous unblinking or very terrible cold-blooded crimes, such as some serial murderers, you will find that he is very unfortunate, he has not been hurt since childhood, has not been loved, so if a person has not been treated well when he is young, you don't expect him to become an adult. He treats this society well, so a criminal until he becomes an adult, then any of us who encounter him is a disaster, so we must put his upbringing process especially emotional character in the early years of man, and these problems must be in place.
Fourth:
Parenting – 3 years of companionship is extremely important
Some conference themes also mentioned accompanying children to grow up, growing up with children, that is, children must be raised personally, or you will not give birth. If you want to give birth, you must understand that the critical period of a person's life should be the first before the age of 6. Then within the age of 18.
Envy and Shi? Fact: Eun first, Wei behind
So here are a few points
If you have grace to him within three years, you can then establish power over him
That is to say, emotional cultivation is to be kind to him, character cultivation is to establish power over him, because character is to establish behavior patterns, and behavior, as long as the pattern is the way, everyone knows that there are rules and manners. Is it this rule, which is actually a matter of the law when we reach adulthood, that is, whether a person obeys the law or not? In fact, were there any rules for educating him in his family in his early years?
To grow, we need to act in a norm and form ideas
This is some of the words of our ancients, if you don't set rules for him in the early years, there will be a lot of problems, and all this needs to be done before the age of 6. So what about the efforts before the age of 6, people benefit for a lifetime, so if we raise him in place,
Efforts before the age of six: a lifetime gain
first
Have feelings for people: three years of support in place
People are the source of his happiness and joy, so he will like people. When he likes people, this person will be friendly to people, and we call social development will be very smooth.
second
Behavior is standardized: norms are in place before the age of six
So what about our character, if there are norms for training him, then what will happen to him? By the time he becomes an adult, he will have rules for doing things. Now we will find that our society has developed rapidly, especially in the 30 years of reform and opening up, many original things have disappeared, for example, in the past, we used to bind a family together with a food stamp, but now we can leave if we want, we can go anywhere. So we have a large number of left-behind children. In the past, our lives were very stable, but now for example, our common cadres are appointed in different places, and as a result, many cadres, he left when his children were very young. The child is given to the elderly to raise. When the child reaches the age of fifteen or sixteen, there is rebellion, and the mother can't manage it at this time, so these all make us discover a phenomenon, that is, we actually ignore the critical period of emotional and character development in the early years of the child. So, when parents succeed in their careers, but find that their children have begun to be uncontrollable and unable to educate him, then these are all related to the efforts I just talked about before the age of 6, so in addition,
third
Knowledge/skills: to make their lives better
The cultivation of knowledge and skills at all stages, that is, although our school is teaching and educating people, teaching is also educating people, but in the process of teaching, we more importantly hope that children can improve their abilities, including life ability and the contribution they can make to society, so this part, in fact, let the child if he wants to do a good job, is to let him. It's good to feed yourself and your family.
fourth
Only when your personal life is smooth can you be safe
So what about these problems, to sum up, we will find that if these three points are to be achieved, personal life is smooth, if everyone's personal life is smooth, is our country Guotai Minan?
Modern development: urbanization and socialization
But what do we know is the biggest problem that society is throwing at us right now?
first
The result of urbanization: high-rise and urban "pies"
It is urbanization, our population has increased from 28 to 64, and now the number of people living in the city has exceeded the number of people in remote and remote places in the mountains. Then, in this process, because of the increase in the number of people, we have to expand the city, not only to expand the pie, but also to build high-rise buildings, so the demolition of this word is also a painful origin of our social group events in the past 30 years. So, this leads us to the fact that cities are getting taller and bigger.
second
The result of socialization: eating to work concentration - synchronization
It's socialization, because in urban life, we have a problem of socialization, so we become more and more concentrated from work to our diet. Education has also become a centralized act, so what is the impact of this on us? As long as your family is in the city, our function is completely social. As a result, there are some alienations in our early upbringing, among which we will find that we have many children with high IQs, but they kill and are silent, and there are many cases of poisoning in our prestigious universities. So, callous crime, you will find that they live by crime because they have no emotion for society, and then our family is very rich, what has also appeared, rich two rich three generations lack of norms, wanton behavior. So that I clearly see a sentence, called rich but not more than three generations, so we talk about the family rich no more than three generations on a small topic, then we now consider the country, if we only think about it, what problems will we have? That is to say, although our country has money, if people's literacy is not up, what harm can be imagined? So the final summary is that all social problems can actually be reduced to human problems. And the problem of people is the problem of people's early years, how early to 6 years old is very important 4 steps, two of which are before the age of 6, then the problem in the early years is the family, the family is the process of making people, and parenting is also the process of making people. Therefore, paying attention to the family to raise is an important way or way to improve national strength, so our whole society should form a consensus, people are a basic thing that determines the strength of the country, so raising people is a major matter of the country, everyone has a completely helpless process of birth, this process is completely dependent on the upbringing of others. Well, now there is a question, who will raise it, especially in the first 3 years of life, why, because the child can express and speak clearly, and most importantly, he can control urine and urine well. This is all before the age of 3, so when he can solve this problem, it is very good to go to kindergarten, then after the age of 3 can be put in kindergarten, but who will take the best care of him at this stage before the age of 3? We know that now we have mothers in addition to grandparents, or grandparents, and the most common is to hire a nanny or confinement sister-in-law, so these 3 are compared. If it is really the best quality for people, there is no doubt that it is the mother, so I hope that after there is a consensus in our society, we can call for it together, and hope that our country will legislate. Give the mother 3 years of support, then if the real mother can have 3 years of support, it may involve women's work, employment, but I think that problem is not a problem, if we can plan well, such as the indicators of my unit, such as the rhythm of my entry. We all have a rhythm of 3 years, so what about this, we can let some women leave a gap in their time, I think this issue needs our consensus, many countries now women are raising money, that is. Raising a child at home is actually raising for the country, we need to know that the child is raised in the family, and when he comes out of the family as an adult, he is a person in society, and everyone, if he succeeds, becomes a good leader of scientists. It will benefit one party, benefit society, benefit our country, but if he becomes a criminal, then all of us who encounter him will be a disaster, so we must understand that the upbringing of the family is a major matter of the country.