Cover news reporter Zhang Jie intern Yang Yang Fanyu
Worm is a native of Chongqing, after 70, he likes to draw since he was a child, and he majored in art education in college. She has worked as a primary school art teacher, website editor, newspaper editor, and now runs an art training institution, mainly teaching zero-based adults to learn painting online, accompanying everyone to record life and express themselves in their own way.
Bugs
Behind the seemingly smooth life and career, her body and mind have experienced a storm that lasted for a long time: since more than a decade ago, insects have been deeply troubled by anxiety, and her body has had intermittent warnings, but she is completely unaware, let alone understand and accept.
In 2015, her body and mind suddenly collapsed, and she developed severe anxiety and depressive symptoms, unable to function normally, and even unable to cope with daily living conditions. After that, she left her job and completely withdrew back to her own little world. Finally, one day, she walked into the hospital's psychology department and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. At the suggestion of a friend, she began a professional psychoanalytic healing process.
While receiving professional help from psychological counselors, worms also become their own bystanders. She wanted to know what was happening to her, so she used her inner state during psychoanalysis and psychotherapy to record her true inner state in many moments with a paintbrush.
She paints whirlpools, lions, elephants, whales, both realistic landscapes and hallucinatory sleepwalking, small people, animals, flowers, trees, mountains, cities, everything in the real world, through the artistic eyes and warm emotions brewing, rich and delicate, are the display of her inner picture. Such a graphic diary, accumulated over several years, has more than fifty notebooks.
Worm describes the process of receiving psychoanalytic treatment as a process of "picking myself up", "Every time I psychoanalyze, I am talking non-stop, and I don't know how I have so much to say... Most of the time, the counselor says almost nothing, but in these stories, I keep seeing myself, seeing others, seeing relationships, seeing the world. I disassembled myself in words, again and again. I fantasize that there are people in the world like me, in similar predicaments.
If those "dismantling" and "loading" are not expressed, no one will ever see them, and I myself will forget them. Yes, the things that happened in the river of human growth, the lessons that I thought were very profound, the epiphanies and awakenings that I had, they were constantly forgotten and ignored, so that I was always repeating the same mistakes in different forms. So, from the first day of psychoanalysis, I recorded the process in a small notebook. In the end, the traces of psychoanalysis left on me for more than four years are faithfully imprinted in these diaries. ”
Under the brush of insects, in addition to animals, the most common occurrence is a small person. The worm knew that this little man was his own inner innuendo. At first it was always in a closed and stressful state, as if surrounded. But suddenly one day, the little man came out. It seemed less confused, and slowly gained strength, and sometimes it was happy.
At first the little man is lonely, but in later paintings other things begin to appear, sometimes lions, sometimes birds, whales or elephants, sometimes peaks, clouds and trees. This little man wanders the heavens and the earth, frolicking with all things, turning the difficult spiritual trek into a journey of art and beauty. The inner world is endless, it can be said that a person's possible love and pain, longing and giving up, thinking and struggling, in this diary, in the path of this little person, all left traces. The book "There is a Little Man in My Heart" is a collection of traces.
Surprisingly, while painting, many flexible sentences appeared. Small poems, for insects, they are the same as paintings, but also a kind of release and expression. In fact, Worm worm did not write much poetry before he fell ill, nor did he read poetry collections specifically. Therefore, the appearance of a poem will make her feel happy and extremely free, because so many words and words are gentle for her to use at will.
"Don't be afraid / Say the wrong thing / Dissipate soon" "Don't be afraid / The lights are out / And the moon is bright ..." "Tell the secret to/A white orchid/The tree will blossom/That secret/Will become fragrant"; "In the darkest darkness/The brightest light/I really can't say/It's not good to live"; Worm also recorded a conversation she had with her son: "Mom, say all the words you have trapped in your heart." "What are the words that are trapped in the heart?" "There are some words you want to say, but without saying them, it is trapped. You say it, you save it. ”
Today's insects have come out of the disease. For Worm Worm, the process of painting these paintings has great significance for her recovery, because painting is expression, and expression is healing. Recording events and expressing emotions through a picture is much safer and more effective than expressing words in reality. In the history of psychoanalysis, there is no shortage of cases recorded by psychoinformators, but there are very few records completed by clients.
In the process of psychoanalysis, the worms themselves are painters, and the more than fifty pictorial diaries that have been consciously completed have also achieved a precious psychoanalytic literature, which also has positive enlightening significance for the public. From the pictures and texts in these fifty notebooks, Lefu Culture compiled a collection of pictures and texts, "I Have a Little Man in My Heart", which was published by Beijing United Publishing Company in June 2021.
The process of painting, the process of expression, the real point is only one: freedom. The greatest benefit of this freedom is the gradual harmony between body and mind. Today,Bug no longer needs psychoanalytic therapy, and her life is already on track, she draws, teaches people to draw, and does book planning.
But it has to be said that salvaging oneself and maintaining a healthy body and mind is a long-term dynamic process. Bugs said, "Like anxiety, fear, physical discomfort... It was not completely eliminated, but only reduced to a lower degree, and coexisted peacefully with me. And my inner feelings have changed from fragmented to relatively complete and pleasant. ”
Interview with Bugs ●●
"I hope this book brings not heaviness, it has a lot of brisk and pleasant parts"
Q1
Cover News: You suffered from depression a few years ago, a very painful condition. As you can see from your book, your description is very detailed and vivid, which is enough to show that you are no longer plagued by diseases, and your life has vitality and creativity. The time to paint these works, from 2015 to 2021, these paintings, should also be a great help to your recovery, right?
Bugs: Yeah, the book was drawn intermittently for six years. The process of painting these paintings has great significance for my recovery, because painting is expression, and expression is healing.
Recording events and expressing emotions through a picture is much safer and more effective than expressing words in reality.
Q2
Cover News: It's more common to hear now that a young person is suffering from depression. As an author, what kind of message do you most want to convey through this book?
Bugs: As an author, I wanted to document this journey of my life truthfully. Not only do I want people in similar situations to me to know that we have many methods available, many paths to follow, and a small action, such as picking up a pen and starting to doodle, may be an opportunity to get better.
I also hope that the public will have more understanding and understanding of the state of depression, especially see its positive significance. And, I hope that this book does not bring heavy, it has a lot of light and pleasant parts, I hope that part, can make people smile.
"So many words and words, all gentle for me to use at will"
Q3
Cover News: What would you say if you were asked to say a few words of advice or tips to young people who are now prone to rush and anxiety?
Bugs: Rush and anxiety may be the norm, but everyone's specific rush and anxiety is different, and it's hard for me to say one-size-fits-all advice, but I can say something about personal experience. I have experienced several years of personal growth in the psychological sense, and the biggest feeling is that there are still many ways and paths to combat nothingness and anxiety.
Whether it is creative work and hobbies, such as painting, writing, singing, dancing, or reading, sports, as long as you do it, they can be partially effective, and improve the state bit by bit. It is difficult not to be busy and anxious, and it is important that if you can realize that you are in anxiety, as far as possible to leave some time and space to adjust, think and examine life, you will be much more relaxed.
Q4
Cover News: The poems in the book are very well written. You said you didn't write many poems before you got sick, and you didn't read a collection of poems specifically. How did you feel when these poems happened?
Bug: You said it well, these poems are "happening," as are paintings. It is not to write poetry for painting, nor to paint for poetry, they themselves need to appear at the same time. Therefore, poetry and painting are the same thing for me, both expressions, but the carriers are different. The process itself is enjoyable.
When a poem comes along, I'm happy and feel incredibly free, because so many words and phrases are gentle enough for me to use at will.
Q5
Cover News: You're also a book curator, and the popular bestseller "Autumn Garden" was the first book you discovered and recommended to the publisher. What kind of story is this?
Bug: I actually like the identity of the book planner, unlike painting, book planning is a process of searching. Finding good works and authors is very rewarding. Around 2003, I read the first draft of "Autumn Garden" written by the writer Zhang Hong's mother, Yang Benfen's grandmother, on the Tianya Network, which was called "Rural Life and Death" at that time. I fell in love at first sight and felt that it should be a book.
I started book planning in 2009 and wanted to publish it, but I never met the right publisher. In 2019, she recommended the manuscript to Lefu Culture Book Company, and when it was published in 2020, Grandma Yang was exactly eighty years old, seventeen years after the book was completed.
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