The little one enters the park the next day

Yesterday experienced an afternoon, an hour and a half, the performance of the little man in addition to some timidity, their own play, the teacher said very good aspects (self-reliance, can speak the Tao can communicate, hands-on ability is very strong, can listen to the words, funny language, did not cry) Of course, it may also be related to the afternoon father there class, after all, you can hear the father's voice next door, the sense of security is still very sufficient.

In order to get it complete, today I discussed with the teacher and let him experience a morning, at 8:30 a.m. I left with my father, and now it's a full two hours, and I don't know how the little man is today, since he left, my heart has been up and down, nervous can't do anything, now I've been sitting in the park waiting for my dad who is about to leave class, and then go together to pick up my little baby.

In fact, don't hide from everyone, maybe I really glass heart, since last night after he slept, I cried alone for a long time, that kind of emotion contains reluctance, yes, not willing, although I know in my heart that as a mother will eventually let go, but this moment suddenly came, the heart really can not be calm. Little life is timid, and when he roars, he will be afraid, so I am worried that the teacher will yell at him when he encounters him stubborn, and then his scared expression, how helpless it would be for a person to stand there shyly, and when I think of this picture, I can't help but feel sad. Then he was not very social now, and when everyone went to class and played together, he would still stand there alone in fear, how to adjust the mood of longing and fear. I thought about it, I was a bad failure to be an incompetent mother, and before he entered kindergarten, I didn't teach him this and let him face it alone. I know and believe that the abilities of the little people must be stronger than we think, but wouldn't it be better if I could teach this in advance? Infinite self-blame.

My little one came to me at noon on December 24, 2018, and has been with me for three years and nine months. I am a complete full-time mom, I don't have a mom, and from the moment I knew I was going to be a mom, I began a journey of loneliness and burden and companionship. (Don't mention the husband here, most of the husbands everyone understands, my husband is no exception, do not prostitute or gamble, the Gu family is already a good man, other now I have not been extravagant) do not understand the pregnancy reversal, routine examination, high blood sugar in the later stage... , the only hospital after childbirth with the baby (only the husband accompanies the bed, will not breastfeed, a night called the nurse several times to help, the nurse saw that they are sad), but fortunately after all, in the hospital, there are nurses in the bath, feeding nurses will help, I only need to be responsible for rest. Seven days back home is the real beginning, a person stayed up late to feed the milk, the novice parents did not dare to move the baby, stunned is a month of white to give the baby a bath (also just to the New Year, I insist on having to take a bath and haircut, there is a full sense of ceremony), the baby's sense of ceremony has, my sense of ceremony is indeed empty, the mother-in-law does not want to eat together, the husband is angry, and his mother quarrels, and then I take the baby back to the house, all night to the New Year's Eve, the husband is in the mother-in-law's house, I myself in this room, alone to coax the baby, called the relatives at home to pray for the New Year, My husband came back and started a collapsed quarrel, the whole time only the two of us, waiting for my mother-in-law to draw the "victory and defeat", it has always been a luxury. There are many more in the back, with the little people, we have spent three years together, every year is the same unexpected different "surprises", in short, this unfortunate childhood I have always had the luxury of having a sense of ceremony every year a new year is a dream that cannot be achieved in this life. Including later, I didn't even want to go to my husband's grandmother's house, (because their family is a big family, four aunts, an uncle, and naturally there are many brothers and sisters, like the New Year in my grandmother's house when I was a child), after all, there are many aunts, right and wrong cannot be less, I am surprisingly weak, after everyone has thought it through, they always expect me to do what they hope to be "a good wife and a good mother". Forgive me for not being a saint yet, I have been alone for so many years, who has helped me make any demands? Don't say I'm rude, I'm polite at my age and I don't know myself anymore. These people will naturally make up for it, and more is tears.

Because there has been no bath, coupled with the high temperature at home, the child has been eczema when he returns home, intermittently until six months before it is good, or because my cold infection gave him to go to the Chinese medicine hospital to see the cold after the cold is completely good, so that he is sick and alone with the experience of the sick baby, people who have not experienced it really can not understand how difficult it is, when they are single, they are sick, they can lie down after taking medicine, they can not eat for a day, but they have a baby's day, because breastfeeding can not take medicine, in addition to hard resistance, You also have to feed the child medicine, feed water, monitor his temperature change of the day, play with him when he is in good spirits, sleep, night milk, once can not be less, the scene of every struggle to get up can not be forgotten now, maybe this life will not be forgotten. Later, when I was one year old, I had a cold, a sudden rash in children at one year and three months, and a high fever and convulsions, which frightened me at that time, and then I had a cold at the age of two, and now I have not been sick for two years and nine months. So I am worried that he will be caught several times in winter, the teacher said that it is a necessary process, too, or who can take good care of him on your behalf, maybe only the teacher.

In the blink of an eye, two years and nine months, the little man will soon be three years old, and recently various changes have also shown that he is becoming more and more sensible and cute, the small mouth will say, the small hands are really super able to play, and the little brain melon is also super moving. In the past three years of face-to-face contact, I have had a breakdown in my little man, there has been a roar, and there has been a happy laugh, at this moment, all the laughter has become my best and most unwilling memories, all the collapse and roar have made me completely regret and blame myself, really how much I hope that time can start again, no matter how tired, I am in the best state to accompany him, take care of him, I really feel that I am too far away from a good mother, I swear that I have not had the mother's love to double to him, But I also collapsed countless times because of my own incompetence and fatigue to roar at him, at this moment my heart is like a knife, tears like rain, I know that my little people will forgive me every time, love me more than once, but also in order not to make me angry, adjust their bad temper, mom is really a sick mom, here mom just wants you to know, mom also loves you more than you think.

At half past eleven, Dad was also out of class, and the two of us had met, and the little man who was ready to pick me up in the afternoon was ready to meet me immediately, happy. Wait for us.