Life is a journey that will eventually say goodbye, and the separation of life and death is a problem that everyone will face.
When your loved one is about to leave you, what way will you choose to say goodbye to him? Everyone will have and their own choices.
"Don't Tell Her", a family film that swept North America and China, tells the story of a Chinese grandmother whose children and grandchildren have been overseas for many years who have suffered from cancer, and the whole family decides to use a wedding feast as an excuse to return to China to bid farewell to the elderly.
However, the granddaughter, who has been baptized by Western culture, is deeply suspicious of the concealment of her family. The white lies reflect the different cultural colors of the East and the West, but the love contained in them has not changed.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-center-line" >, this immigrant family reflects different "birth" ideas</h1>
First of all, China and the West have different health concepts
There is a small detail that runs through the film, which is Grandma's unique oriental health exercise method: punching out in full swing and making a loud "ha" sound.
Billie, the granddaughter who accompanied her grandmother to exercise, expressed great incomprehension about the way the old man exercised. It can be seen that this is a rare or even extinct act abroad where she lives. In the face of Grandma's old age and still insisting on climbing stairs up and down the stairs, she was even more worried. This is the spirit of hardship that Chinese is deeply rooted in his bones.
If it is in the West, it must be an analytical theory of bones, muscles, etc., but Chinese pay attention to the "qi" in life. Spiritual power is sacred in the minds of the Chinese of non-religious consciousness. Although Billie could not fully understand, at the end she shouted "Ha" loudly as if she had gained the courage to live from her grandmother.
Different philosophies of seeking life
Coming to China, "dinner table culture" is an inescapable baptism. Billie's aunt asked how long it would take Billie to earn a million dollars in the West. Billie replied: It will take a long time. This caused the aunt to laugh, and then published a bunch of "money first" theories.
Billie's mother, on the other hand, satirizes her aunt by giving Billy free piano playing opportunities by the church priest. To show that Western countries are indifferent to money, but here Billie pointed out that Western countries also have serious problems such as guns and religions to be solved.
This is a debate about how to seek a life, which seems to be the attitude toward money in both cultures, but in fact, it reflects the different ways in which individuals realize their value.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-center-line" > Second, the values of individuals in Eastern and Western cultures are different</h1>
The first is that the individual in the East always carries the color of sacrifice
The different ways of living and concepts in the East and the West actually reflect different concepts of the realization of personal values.
The culture of oriental colors is full of personal sacrifice spirit, and they sacrifice themselves to complete the family and even the society to obtain the affirmative meaning of life.
China's history has a series of stories of sacrifice: the orphans of the Zhao clan, the King of Qin stabbed by Jing Ke, and so on. In order to achieve great things, you can give up your children and your life.
Just as put forward in the "Book of Rites": the theory of self-cultivation and family governance of the country and the world. A person's merits are all reflected in sacrifice. Therefore, Grandma is very lonely and bitter, and she must choose a person to stick to Changchun and wait alone in order to fulfill the cause of her children.
And when Billie asks if she's doing well, she always has a joyful and sad tone. When Billie feels inappropriate and wants to tell her grandmother, his uncle reprimands her for selfish behavior, and the whole family hides that she is sharing the pressure for her. Grandma and everyone chose to sacrifice to complete the stability and happiness of the family.
In Western ideas, personal values are absolute
However, in Western countries, individuals are completely their own, and their own value and rights are absolutely not allowed to be infringed.
Therefore, Under the influence of Western culture, Billy never understood why everyone should lie. Lying is wrong and an act of violating the rights and interests of others. More importantly, they deprived Grandma of her right to know, which is a violation of human rights abroad.
So Billie's doubts and unhappiness are well understood, and the more she sees Grandma's happy look, the more painful it is.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-center-line" > third, why is the white lie wrapped in a wedding feast</h1>
The wedding banquet represents the "new life" in the eyes of the Chinese people
Billie eventually compromised and performed with everyone, and although there were all kinds of doubts, she understood.
Although her and her grandmother's blood is thicker than water, their relationship is very strong. Their ideological values are different, from the thinking and lifestyle of the various Chinese people she sees. Chinese there is a saying of "rushing joy", and people believe that misfortune and illness can be diluted in the lively wedding atmosphere. Therefore, the wedding feast is an excellent excuse for reunion and a good medicine arranged by the elders for Grandma.
In fact, the wedding feast represents a kind of "new life". The family of marriage and children has been passed down from generation to generation, which carries the vitality and is the grandmother's account to the ancestors.
Therefore, the grandmother happily spent time for her grandson's wedding banquet. One of the dishes was changed from lobster to crab, which made Grandma angry. Perhaps in the eyes of Westerners, this is just a kind of extravagance and showing off, in fact, whether it is a Chinese or Western wedding form, it is a greeting ceremony for "new students". Completing such an important ritual will give Grandma the strength and courage to live.
Ease grief with silence
When Billie offers to tell her aunt the truth to her grandmother, her aunt just casually replies that it will make everyone sad.
This puzzled Billie, isn't it sad not to say it?
Grief is certainly irrevocable, but it is only expressed after people have passed away.
Because if it is expressed when you are alive, the sadness will continue to infect, in addition to making the people around you sad, it will also increase the psychological burden of the patient. The family concept of the East is very heavy, the seriously ill are always tied to their families, no one can completely put down when they leave, what the living can do is to use silence to show their strength and reassure each other.
Western individuals focus on personal ideals and ideas, which is why Billie wants to tell her grandmother that she is worried that her grandmother will have unfinished wishes and will regret that she will not be able to say goodbye. Grandma in the Eastern worldview will be reluctant to go home no matter how many times she says goodbye, to her children and grandchildren, and to Billie. Therefore, the crowd used silence to create a joyful and relaxed atmosphere to dilute sadness.
More importantly, in the East the individual always belongs to the family
In Western countries, when a child reaches the age of 18, parents have no obligation and responsibility to raise their children. It's what the law is, and people follow it.
Both parents and children have been given preventive injections for their separation. And this setting also makes parents less worried, and children learn to face society to be independent. Independence and autonomy are concepts and laws that they must go and are bound to pass on. Human rights are fully emphasized here, and everyone is given the freedom they want. Not discussing the gains and losses of feelings and the issue of education is the attitude of the West.
Yet in the East, especially in China, there was never a day of cutting, except death.
Although there are also reasons for their own reasons to take the road of severing relations, they are very few in the Chinese environment. Whether the feelings are good or bad, maintaining the peace and happiness of the family is full of tradition. Otherwise, the individual will be at odds with the people around him.
Everyone is a thread that weaves the thread of the family. Everyone belongs to the family and has to work for it and sacrifice for it. Of course, they will also be protected and tolerated by the family, so the family chooses to share the pressure for the grandmother, and the grandmother is also endlessly tolerant of the child. This is the expression of love unique to the East.
Of course, in the face of family power, individual behavior is also subject to family adjudication and judgment. There is a lot of detail in this regard in the film.
For example, Grandma taught Billie to be generous and not to twist and pinch, because Billie represents the whole family.
But in Billie's eyes, everyone is as good as they like, but in order to make Grandma happy, she strives to play her family role and be warm and thoughtful at the wedding feast.
When she spoke to her grandmother's attending doctor, the doctor told her that her family had chosen to remain silent in the face of the situation.
What if Billie asks if the other person has something they want to do?
The doctor only said that such a short time, if you can spend in the atmosphere of a happy family is very worthwhile. The last time of an individual's life is so precious, but out of the entanglement of personal and family feelings, it can only be compromised in the end.
Especially when Billie learned that her grandmother had taken the same way of concealing her grandfather, Billie finally chose to release and support.
Although she always felt that concealment would cause pain and regret, because her family did not tell her grandfather for her academic considerations, she did not see him for the last time. Those memories and times that were once good will often sting her heart.
But she knew that Grandma loved herself very much, and she also loved the grandfather who had left early. If that's the way she chooses, then she's sure to respect and accept it.
< h1 class="pgc-h-center-line" ends ></h1>
The seams are tightly sewn, and I am afraid that I will be late. - "Wandering Son"
In the end, when Grandma bid farewell to Billie's family, although she remained calm and smiling, her hand kept holding the car. Endless reluctance returned to silence, converging into a figure that refused to leave and was frozen at the intersection of farewell.
The film tells the story of a family's white lies about Grandma. In fact, it was Grandma who first lied, and she checked in the hospital but was reluctant to tell Billie about her situation. She doesn't want people around her to worry about her, although there are many differences and misunderstandings between Chinese and Western cultures.
But life and death cannot be escaped, and the only way to resolve the sorrows of the world is love.
Love may have various expressions, such as a beautiful white lie. Either way, as long as there is this love in the heart, it will make people full of courage and hope.
At the end of the film, it is written that the film's prototype grandmother spent another six years. This is the miracle of love.
Text/Pillow Cat