Born to be human, vulnerable and strong, we are all the same.
"Don't Tell Her" is an emotional ethics film released by the American film company, which tortures the fragility and strength of human nature. The director of the film is Wang Ziyi, who is a Chinese. "Don't Tell Her" is a film based on Wang Ziyi himself.
The film presents the audience with a mental journey of Billi, a girl born in a traditional Chinese family and raised in the United States. When a thunderbolt strikes suddenly, Billi learns that her grandmother, who grew up with her, is terminally ill, with a lot of mental struggle and inner torment. In the end, under the wrapping of traditional Chinese culture, Billi and his family perfectly interpreted the family reunion.
The world is uncertain, in the face of the dearest loved ones who have been sentenced to "death" in medicine, and there are few days left in the human world, should we tell the truth?
Don't Tell Her movie poster
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" >, not truthfully informed, the dominant is the "emotional card"</h1>
In "Don't Tell Her," all family members are in unison, glorifying a deadly tumor into a benign tumor and planning a wedding that can bring families together. This is a typical Chinese approach.
From the traditional Chinese point of view, the well-intentioned concealment of the terminal illness of a loved one is a practice accepted by the public. If a relative or friend in the family is seriously ill or is terminally ill, everyone will tacitly conceal the illness so as not to affect the patient's mood.
Stills from the movie "Don't Tell Her"
1, do not tell the truth, because the heart wants to share the pain.
After hearing about the illness, the family will cause a heavy blow to their psychology, and there is a kind of life that cannot bear the weight.
After relieving himself, he did not want the blow to hit the patient again. The family subjectively believes that if the patient is kept in the dark, he will live a happier life; after the patient knows the truth, his ideological baggage will be very heavy, and may accelerate the death of the patient. This kind of pain is just for those who know it.
2, do not tell the truth, because the heart wants to cover up the facts.
In fact, the fact that A terminal illness is a fact is the truth. No matter how the outside world covers up, the patient is always suffering from the pain, and the patient's mentality cannot be changed. Such white lies are futile.
Patients may be preparing for the worst in their own deterioration. Deliberate concealment is like a thin piece of paper separated between the patient and the family, obviously it will be broken at a poke, but both sides are not willing to break it.
3, do not tell the truth, because the heart has magnified the separation of life and death. Sick family members do not treat the patient as an individual, but as an important member of the family as an entire family. The prosperity of the family, the longevity of the eldest parents, and the prosperity of the descendants are the very simple pursuits of traditional Chinese families.
This view ignores individual feelings to a certain extent, and each individual in the family has his own destiny. The family as a whole places too much emphasis on life, and the understanding of "life and death" is too deep, and the individual will be "long-lived".
Mr. Barkin, a major figure in the literary world, was hospitalized due to a serious illness, and after some vigorous rescue, his life was saved. But then Mr. Barkin spent the rest of his life in symbiosis with various tubes. Mr. Barkin wanted to give up this life-and-death treatment and maintenance, but his family and leaders strongly disagreed. Love his family and want him alive.
In fact, at that time, Mr. Barkin himself could not feel that he was alive. Aunt Qiong Yao may be luckier than Mr. Ba Jin.
In a letter titled "Make a Good Farewell to Yourself", she once told her family not to let her rely on pipes and machines to "sneak up on life" in the future.
It can be seen that in traditional Chinese culture, the emotional weight in interpersonal relations is heavier, and objective and rational thinking such as rules and reasoning often ranks behind. There is the birth of life in the human world, and there will naturally be the end of life. This is a law of natural development and cannot be avoided. The strong emotional factors of others are mixed in the course of another person's death, which is a manifestation of the lack of reverence for life. The right to die shall be returned to the person.
Qiong Yao's "Make an Appointment for Your Own Good Farewell" part of the original text
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > second, tell the truth, the dominant is the "reason card"</h1>
Billi in "Don't Tell Her" initially questioned the family's silence, and the mother-in-law painstakingly advised her parents, uncles, grandmothers and other relatives, and thus fought with her mother. This is the result of being deeply influenced by American culture.
From an American cultural point of view, the patient should be informed of the condition. Not only the United States, but also Germany and the United Kingdom. In the medical culture of these countries, the doctor's role is to help the patient face the reality, and the family will not ask the doctor to hide the disease.
In their view, life, old age, illness and death are the laws of life development, and no one is no exception. Terminally ill people also have the right to know about their condition. Deceiving the patient's true situation will have a negative impact on the patient's life.
Stills from "Don't Tell Her"
1. Telling the truth is the need of doctors to treat patients. An important duty of a doctor is to discuss and communicate with patients and their families, so that patients have a clear idea of their future, rather than being blinded in their bones. In this way, patients will increase the trust of medical staff, and the ability and confidence to fight the disease will increase accordingly. In the limited time of life, it is also possible to live meaningfully and live with dignity.
Doctors have found that usually after a terminal illness, there are five psychological periods, namely denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Professional medical staff will communicate effectively with patients according to their different psychological manifestations. With the help of medical staff, terminally ill people will not die painfully and tragically, but will arrange their lives under professional guidance.
No matter what period of psychological manifestation a patient is in, medical staff treat them as human beings first, followed by patients.
For example, during the acceptance period, the patient stays in the hospice ward, the layout of the ward will be very family,There are televisions, telephones, tape recorders, wardrobes, green plants at home, and the wall is also the space for the patient to play, and his favorite paintings, crafts, and photos can be on the wall at will.
Patients also have the freedom to choose their lifestyle, choose to be hospitalized, and medical staff will sit by the bedside like friends and relatives to reminisce about their past lives with patients, and will also taste delicious and delicious food with patients; patients will also be allowed to enter the offices of medical staff, chat and drink coffee together. There is also the right to go home for a night or to enjoy intimate contact with your partner.
2. Telling the truth is to meet people's needs for survival. One of the human instincts is to survive, and it is no exception for the terminally ill. Perhaps most people will have emotional fluctuations, psychological upset, mental breakdown at the moment of knowing the disease, and there will be a possibility of light life in serious cases.
However, after professional psychological treatment, the patient's emotions will return to normal, the desire to survive will be ignited, and the focus of the mind will be tilted to how to cure the pain and how to live strongly.
3. Telling the truth is to respect the needs of life. Terminally ill patients generally have a hard time in their final days. Living with dignity minimizes the suffering of the patient.
Economists have ranked the annual death quality index, with the UK once ranking No. 1 in the world and China behind 70th.
2015 Mass Of Deaths Index
The gap is so large that it lies in the end of life, and the United Kingdom upholds the principle of moderation, allowing patients to walk the last section of life in a natural state. In China, however, there are two extremes, either undertreatment or overtreatment. How to choose that death is my right, I don't even know the truth, what right to talk about?
It can be seen that in American culture, doctors only have a prescription for treatment, and the prescription for death returns to me. At the end of life, there is no endless stream of visitors and useless rescue, nor is mechanical recovery forced. The patient maintains the dignity of being a human being and carries the beautiful love of the world to another world.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" > third, inform to have artistic communication skills</h1>
In "Don't Tell Her", the family members have chosen collective aphasia, which is the result of weighing and comparison.
At the beginning, when Grandma's wife and grandfather fell ill, Grandma chose to keep Grandpa in the dark. The whole family chose an "old road" that Grandma had walked. Billi has also become a defender of "lies" after fully understanding and feeling Chinese culture.
Terminal illness news is definitely bad news. When the family decides not to tell the patient, it is necessary to choose the appropriate method according to the patient's personality.
Family photo at the wedding
1, the gentle way is more suitable for strong people. If the patient has always been outgoing and strong-willed, the family can use a gentle way to let the patient know the truth. Accompanied by their families, patients choose to die in the least painful way and spend their last days happily.
2. The way of circumvention is more suitable for sensitive people. Some patients are sensitive to capturing all kinds of information and are sensitive people in the usual concept. Early family members and doctors deliberately concealed it, but this kind of crowd can find clues from various details to find answers.
Long-term concealment will make sensitive people continue to be suspicious, which is not a good idea. After a certain period of speculation, perhaps sensitive people are mentally prepared for the worst outcome, and they already have a certain psychological endurance. Tell the truth at this time, and usually don't hit them too hard.
3. The way of sealing is more suitable for vulnerable people. Some patients are usually introverted, and it is easy to be affected by unfavorable factors, or even defeated, resulting in world-weary emotions. It is best for family members not to tell such people the truth, otherwise they may even have a shortened time together.
< h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > summary</h1>
It is a painful thing to say goodbye to the death of a loved one, but no one can escape such a fateful arrangement.
It is best not to "make up one's own mind" about the living lives of others. Some white lies are not proof of loving him very much. Nor does it have to be so proven, because such love is superficial. Such love will make the insider "tired to the chest", and will also make the patient himself "not take away a cloud" and regret to leave.
Born as a human being, everyone has the right to choose their own way to book the future and say goodbye to the world.
"Don't Tell Her" offers a choice, is this the "curtain call" of your life that you like?
Text/Pillow Cat