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Some time ago, a fan added my WeChat, she said: Boyfriend cheating was caught by her evidence, never thought that those can only be in the online TV series bridge section will also happen to her, she heartache to the whole night can not sleep, even if she sleeps will be awakened by nightmares, eight years of time back is actually betrayal.
The boy was very sincere in admitting his mistakes, and promised that this kind of thing would never happen again, and she asked me if I should forgive the boy, after all, she was reluctant to leave this person for eight years.
I asked her, "If you had chosen to forgive, would you have suddenly thought about it one day with him and made you sad, or would you have really let your guard down and returned to life before it had happened?" ”
She wasn't sure, and of course, the answer was something I expected.
The trust that people build up is fragile, so fragile that it crumpls the paper, even if you can unfold it again, but you can't smooth the folds on it, that's it, it's easy to destroy it, but you want to repair it, even if the craftsmanship is exquisite, it will leave traces, it can't be the same.
As Ian McEwan writes in The Atonement: Man, in the final analysis, is a material being, easily damaged but not easily repaired.
So, before you choose to forgive a person, really have to ask yourself whether you really won't mind this matter in the future, if you still mind, then every day in your future life will be like a time bomb, in an inadvertent, may make your feelings stalemate again.
Most of the forgiveness is not that we will not care, but at that point in time we compromised and chose to "forget it".
I have seen a foreign movie before, I forgot what the name is, there is a couple in the movie, it is because the woman cheated and chose to divorce.
But after the divorce, the woman has been unwilling to give up, constantly good to the man, and finally after the woman has put in a lot of effort, the man still agrees to remarry.
Women want to cherish this opportunity, hoping to be able to reconcile as before, but later, men become suspicious, the smell of women's clothes, text messages on mobile phones, the time to go out make this man constantly suspicious, under the surveillance and questioning again and again, a tragic scene occurred, women can't stand men treating themselves this way and want to separate again, at this time, men accidentally kill women.
Although this plot is too extreme, I have indeed seen many similar couples, once betrayed or lies, like a fish thorn stuck in the heart, every time you want to pull it out, the barbs on it will stab you again and again.
Even if the other party really corrects, some people will leave this wound in their hearts, they want to forgive, want to believe, want to love each other sincerely, but they will also be dragged into painful memories by the previous encounters, and then, even if they love again, they can only choose to separate helplessly.
At the same time, I also feel that the more people who love each other, the greater the anti-phagocytic effect of this betrayal.
As Wang Shuo said in "Addiction to Death": no matter how to make excuses, never repeat the good past, forgive everything. But when the two of them are in the same room, it will come to mind: this person has betrayed me, the person I care about the most, who has inserted a knife in my heart.
Everyone wants to be open-minded, but the uniqueness of love is sometimes accompanied by the existence of possessiveness.
So it's hard for me to believe that love can be shared with people, whether it's spiritual or physical, I love you, then in my perception, we are the only ones with each other.
I will show you my beauty and inadequacy, but you must know that this is also the existence of my weakness, and in the same way, I also hope that your love for me is also unguarded.
Therefore, in this relationship I want to be stable, to be loyal, to be eternal, and if there is a problem of principle, then all the good things about us may be completely destroyed in an instant.
I love you, that is, it will be different from treating others, because there will be no second you in this world, so you should also know that there will be no second me in this world.
When others hurt you, I hope you have the courage and ability to bear it, but this does not mean that you must choose to forgive and let go, but I hope you can be better and not embarrass yourself.
If a relationship really can't restore its original appearance, but it will bring you pain again and again in your future life, then I hope you don't wronged yourself, life is short, the biggest goal of life, but to make yourself happy to live this life.
Use a small amount of aspirin as an analgesic for your mind.
Mr. Light: 187 tall rational and warm big man, financial executive
Healing department micro-writer, radio anchor.
Weibo @ Mr. Light