Award-winning works released, come and see if it is spring in your eyes?

"I learned Du Fu to write a poem"

Top 10 works are exhibited

Spring Mountain

Deng Yuchun

Yibin No.6 Middle School

Instructor: Lu Xin

The peak loop turns to Jinyin, and the wild birds chirp attentively.

The green trees and mountains are always in spring, and the babbling stream is peaceful.

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Comments: From the perspective of neatness, if "babbling brook" can be replaced by "clear stream babbling", it just echoes with "green trees and mountains", and the noun and verb are interspersed, and the feeling of spring comes to the face. In the same way, the "wild bird chirping" can also be changed, and this process of changing is the training of words. However, the most essential part of this poem lies in the three phrases of "intention and courtesy", "spring is always in place", and "zhengning", because it can be felt that the author not only has feelings in the description of the scene, but also has a gradual, especially "peak loop turn" to "zhengning", which is a valuable creative experience for a junior high school student.

Ode to Spring Peach

Zhong Yuanxiang

Neijiang Longchang Lianfeng Primary School

Instructor: Zhang Guocong

Delicate and dripping branches, Fang Fei does not need green leaves to accompany.

The buds first bloom charmingly, and the fragrance attracts butterflies.

Swallow song warblers cry in the breeze, and peach rain flutters like a curtain fall.

The spring equinox flowers wither into the fragrant soil, just waiting for the green leaves to greet the sun.

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Comments: Two are valuable. Valuable in the more neat rhyme, so that the chanting of this seven-word poem will appear to be very natural, the only flaw in the "peach rain fluttering like a curtain falling"; valuable in the scene realistic combination, the spring atmosphere is very strong, but the flaw is also in the "peach rain fluttering like a curtain fall", of course, this "peach rain" is "flower withering" and like rain, or in the rain and "flower withering", it is worth imagining, but the front of the "delicate dripping" "bud first bloom", it seems to prefer the latter, because there is a bloom and withering at the same time, or there is a contradiction, but in reverse, think, Perhaps another dynamic description, from bloom to withering, it may be natural withering, or it may be withering away by external forces. Look, the essence of this poem comes out, and it's interesting to read.

early spring

Li Muyang

Shehong City Chengxi School

Instructor: Henghui

Peach and plum know that spring has arrived, and half a tree is shaking.

Who is more colorful in red and white? Willow spit buds and laughs.

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Comments: "Knowing" and "contention" are used very well, it looks simple, but it is difficult to change words, the picture is alive at once, and it is like a person, he knows that spring is coming, he is deliberately shaking with the wind, vivid and vivid. But the essence of this poem is the echo of the front and back sentences, peach plum echoes red and white, half tree echoes willow branches, and can even be changed to "Peach plum knows spring, red and white who is more delicate (beautiful)?" Half a tree shakes in the wind, willow branches spit buds and laugh", change a "petite" word to pick up the rhyme foot, and you will find that it has become a poem again. However, it is clear that this change is not as good as the original poem, because it is the intersection of two shots, and the sense of spring picture is obviously stronger.

Spring is a sight to behold

Lin Xueli

Chengdu High-tech Experimental Primary School

Instructor: Su Huabin

Ten thousand branches stand tall, a hundred flowers bloom.

Green and spring are good, colorful into my arms.

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Comments: The opening "ten thousand branches are standing, a hundred flowers bloom" is the direct essence, because it is neat, the tone is good, the picture impact is also very strong, and the sense of rebirth in spring also comes from "standing" and "opening". But the word carving of the latter sentence suddenly fell off, for example, "Chunfang" is slightly redundant, after all, the first sentence has already said this scene; and "into my arms" is too full of deliberate feeling, feeling that the author is affected by the "open" word rhyme of the previous sentence, for a while somehow ending, it is easy to jump out of the modern vocabulary, of course, if you want to adjust, but to change "Chunfang", otherwise, I am really sorry for the essence of the previous sentence.

Spring is coming

Deng Jiaxin

Sujia School, Baihe Town, Dongxing District, Neijiang City

Instructor: Liao Maoyi

The mist azure apricot blossoms are thin, and they are gently drooping towards the dew.

Water duck peach willow branches under the play, sundrop swallow flying cuckoo crying.

The roots of the grass are standing, and the gentle wind is groaning.

The slanting sun is accompanied by bird habitat, and the hot sun smoke wind is the most meaningful!

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Comments: "Mist" to "Morning Dew", "Yin Yin" to "Yo-Yo", "XieYang" to "Xu Sun", "Remnant Xia" to "Smoke Wind", a very neat contrast, the author's word-using ability is extraordinary, but unfortunately, the challenge of the seven-word poem, to be completely neat, there is still a long way to go. However, the essence of this poem is very special, can you see it? This is written from morning to night, the morning fog and dew, then "water duck play" and "cuckoo crying", as well as "grass standing" and "wind groan", does it count morning to afternoon? The last "oblique sun remnants" naturally do not need to be said, but if the "hot sun smokes the wind" is replaced by "the moon star is rare" (this is the autumn and winter cycle, only the word reference), the spring day is very cool.

Gala

Tang Yuxuan

Yangjia Primary School, Guanying Town, Wutongqiao District, Leshan City

Instructor: Tang Hao

At sunset, a tree of flowers, idly listening to birds chirping and looking out at the clouds.

The breeze covered the kites, and saw the clouds playing with the crescent moon.

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Comments: Elementary school students may not have dialectical presuppositions when writing poetry, such as "firewood and a tree and a flower". Chinese farming civilization, "firewood" is the door of the home, the word "home", such as Wang Wei's "twilight to cover the firewood", firewood is taken from wood, is the death of wood, tree is wood, but also blossoming, is the life of wood, the meaning of life to death comes, is this intentional? Not sure, but then sitting at home to taste the narrative of the "Spring Festival Gala", listening to the birds, looking for the wind, watching the moon, very vivid, and obviously far away from the city, to "play the crescent moon", this poem is really alive, most like Du Fu.

Spring is coming

Wang Qin

Zhouli Primary School in Anyue County, Ziyang City

Instructors: Zhang Zhen, Zhou Bin

Melting snow sees spring failure, and pear blossoms meet spring blossoms.

The flowers are full of color, and the grass is a mountain of moss.

The child holds the paper kite, and the warm spring enters the clouds.

Don't sell it for spring and keep it for peach picking.

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Comments: I like the sentence "flowers full of a bunch of color, grass vines and a mountain moss", which is very silky, especially "a bunch of flowers" and "a mountain of grass moss", which are both neat, and after dismantling and recombining, they can also make the flowers and grass move. Of course, the last sentence "Mo sells the spring day and keeps it as a red peach picking" is worth talking about, because Du Fu has never used such a sentence form as "Mo Put", but it is commonly used by the Qing Dynasty poet Naran Sex, either "Mo changed Shaohua lightly", or "Mo put Qionghua than makeup", which is very in line with the lament of the Eight Flags disciples, a bit of a closed door spit meaning, so Du Fu who has the world in mind does not use, but, looking at the whole sentence, simple understanding, is "don't just go to pick peach blossoms, live up to the good time of spring", which saves the momentum, For here is not a lament, but a cheer, a warning.

spring

Dai Qingqing

Primary School of Wangchang Middle School, Jinqiuhu Town, Cuiping District, Yibin City

Instructor: Xu Chunxia

Spring comes to change clothes, and all things are happy.

The mountains are not worried about green, and the flowers and plants are reborn.

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Comments: The essence of this poem is in the second sentence "The mountains are not worried about green, the flowers and grass are reborn", because the author has a pursuit of a thriving mood in the usual "mountains and wilderness return to green", which is very similar to Du Fu's "late sun and beautiful rivers and mountains, spring wind and flowers and herbs", but the realm is a little worse, because "mountains" to "Jiangshan", that is, "small me" to see "super-me", of course, this gap, mainly the first sentence of the previous sentence of "slightly oiled", of course, this is the fourth grade children's poem, can not be pulled out of the seedlings to grow, but try to change it Is it appropriate to make the whole poem more neat, that is, "spring is like changing clothes, and all things are happy to welcome"? Maybe it could be better, just like the difficulty of "chanting a word, twisting a few stems and whiskers" said.

change:

Spring is like changing clothes, and all things are happy to greet each other.

The mountains are not worried about green, and the flowers and plants are reborn.

spring

Tian Guilin

Wusheng County Yankou Primary School

Instructor: Wang Hongqiong

Peach blossoms still smile in the spring breeze, and Mo Negative flows for many years to comfort shallow.

Affectionate new swallow sent, quiet and elegant meaning dark fragrance melting.

Invite Huai FuQu to cherish each other, and interpret the different words.

The poetry rhymes well, and the pen stays in the dream endlessly.

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Comments: "Peach blossoms still smile spring breeze" is the original sentence of the Song Dynasty Wang Anshi's "Send Zhang Mingfu", used here belongs to the "sampling", can also be said to quote, this is no problem, "Mo negative flow year" is a relatively small and fresh usage, especially "flow year", the mood is very beautiful, so many places are used, such as Faye Wong's "Flow Year", it can be said that this is highlighting the tone of this poem, is the essence, the mood is like Guo Jingming wrote "The wind blows through the petals like a broken flow year". After the "style" and "humor", "Fuqu" and "Yin Huai", "exhaustion" and "pen retention", the usage is very much in line with the adolescent children's desire for words, just like "yesterday's mist at hand, the streamer blinks autumn; the copper flower is carved shallowly, the spring light jumps the phnom penh", this can not be said to be bad, but this way of writing, always feel some appropriate, just like "handwriting my heart" but separated by a layer of yarn.

Spring Hunting

Zuo Weiyi

Hongya County Experimental Primary School

Instructor: Xie Tao

Birds chirp outside the house, and naps do not awaken.

The warm breeze supported the window ledge and invited me to look for spring shadows.

Flowers are blooming in front of the window, and the branches are busy with green.

How to bear the good times when you go to the spring?

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Comments: Ping 仄仄平平, 仄仄仄仄. It is clear that strictly speaking, this is not a standard five laws, but this does not affect the meaning of the poem, that is, it shows the author's pen power. With phrases, some people have things, there are movements and statics, especially easy to understand, the rhyme at the end of the sentence is also reasonable, which is very rare, the key from the "spring sleep is not aware" derived from the "no awakening" to "how to bear the good time", this is the vitality that teenagers should have, the yearning for a better world. If you can, continue to write, talk about how to live up to the good times, and form a group of poems.

change:

Naps do not awaken, birds and insects sing outside the house.

Who invites to find the spring shadow, warm wind to support the window ledge.

The flowers in the forest are ready to bloom, and the branches are busy with green.

How to bear the good times when you go to the spring?