Where does the "sense of meaninglessness" of stay-at-home moms come from?

A few days ago, a full-time mother who graduated from school told her about the fears and thoughts brought by the epidemic.

The preparation of three meals a day, the play, study and all the housework of the eldest and the second eldest, etc., these made her completely lack of time.

Whenever she faces the mess after the meal and the husband who justifiably wipes his mouth back to the house to work, the sense of meaninglessness and the anger hidden in her heart fills it inside.

The reason is very simple, buying vegetables, cooking, and taking care of household chores is regarded as a chore that has no cost and does not produce economic value. Even if there is a market price reference, the internal still cannot be calmed.

Because compared with the men who "earn money to support their families", they have no time and reason to eat a meal quietly, nor do they have the private space to drink coffee and rest.

The same is the work of doing things, one can get paid, status and respect for having a legitimate reason for work; the other is neither paid nor affirmed because of full-time work.

She'd love to ask: Doesn't stay-at-home moms create value?

Where does the inner sense of meaninglessness within stay-at-home moms come from? Let's take a look.

01

Stay-at-home moms, not working means not creating value?

The heroine of the film "Jin Zhiying in 82 Years" fully thought in advance that "she may lose her youth, health, work, social connections, and even life planning and future dreams because of giving birth to a child."

Although she repeatedly identifies with social and cultural limitations, and rationalizes all such things as "acquiescence rules" and "invisible injustices" until she loses her right to speak, no, she may still lose herself.

But when she left the workplace as a mother and her wrist was injured, she was asked, the rice was cooked in an electronic pot, the clothes were washed in the washing machine, and how could the wrist hurt...

In the New Year, I went to my in-laws' house to play a good daughter-in-law, and I wanted to stay time to return to my mother's house, but I was asked to stay and entertain because of the arrival of my in-laws' daughter. The lover takes care of her daughter, and she is grateful to Dade. Dissatisfied with your lover but thinking of apologizing.

Going out to take his daughter for a cup of coffee, being ridiculed by the man in the suit as a "mother bug" who buys coffee with the money earned by her husband...

In the end, she finally collapsed after accumulating bit by bit. And through the unconscious, the exit of the original program of life is activated, and the anger that has been suppressed for a long time is expressed. I saw myself.

Only then did she gain the sight of her lover, who encouraged and supported her to enter the psychiatric treatment room.

The doctor told her that the most difficult treatment process for patients is to be able to sit here.

And the premise of being able to sit here is to see yourself.

Because only when you see yourself, you have the opportunity to let others see you.

Who says stay-at-home moms don't work outside the home means they don't create value? When you start affirming yourself, the sense of meaninglessness slowly disappears.

We do not deny the limitations from culture and society, and the comments on stay-at-home mothers will be biased. However, how stay-at-home moms themselves see, interpret and interpret it is crucial.

To put it realistically, even if it is the elderly in the family or reliable others, who can compete with the mother, wife's energy, physical strength and hard scientific parenting?

Speaking of which, you may also agree that stay-at-home moms create value, and the value is great. After all, the child says that the big is related to the society and the nation, and the small is related to the whole family and the family.

So the question is, where does the low value or even meaninglessness of stay-at-home moms come from?

Is it from the inside or from the outside?

Perhaps even if the mind knows that it comes from the outside and should not agree, it may not be able to know it. So it is so easy to identify with and be swayed by the outside.

This may not only be the confusion of stay-at-home mothers, but also the confusion of many people.

02

Is a stay-at-home mom a pot-backer?

In the American drama "Growing Pains", Maggi, a mother with three children, and her husband Jason agree to return to work after the youngest child, Ben en, goes to school.

Her husband, Jason, a 39-year-old psychiatrist who was supposed to work as a section director at one of Long Island's largest hospitals, gave up his position after full consultation because his wife, who had been at home for 15 years, returned to work.

Jason's clear love and support, Maggi's freshness and no guilt, just made the people inside and outside the family change, and the others were as brilliant as ever.

In other words, how many people in China can stay at home like Jason and support their wives to return to work? And after returning to the workplace, can the wife accept it with peace of mind and not feel guilty?

Presumably, before the husband makes a decision, there is already a family, social, and cultural one that solidifies and defines the roles of men and women.

Even if it is really done against common sense, perhaps the hidden undercurrents in the relationship are uncomfortable.

I think of multiple surveys on happiness that point to good relationship qualities and personal health and happiness. Old Man said that the happiness of mature people comes from the drive of sex and aggression, that is, the ability to love and work.

Psychologists believe that happy people can express their true selves. The sense of unreality that has accumulated over time increases the sense of meaninglessness within a person.

Existentialism holds that human beings have the need to be interconnected.

It seems that healthy, happy, and happy people have the ability to love, work, express, grow, and connect.

In the early days, Jin Zhiying was consumed in life due to social and cultural recognition and the ability to love, his true self was repeatedly suppressed, his daily life was filled with trivialities, and he lost the ability to grow himself and connect with others.

The sense of meaninglessness continues to expand and breed.

Maggi is also full-time, but her love affair with Jason is stable and romantic, and they will spend time alone every week to "commemorate the three good children they had."

Jason also goes to Atlantic City for academic conferences mostly with his wife. When Mike was 15, they were traveling alone.

For Maggi, the life of a stay-at-home mother, repetitive dullness and richness, is filled with a happy and meaningful life.

Speaking of which, you may have discovered that the sense of meaninglessness doesn't necessarily come from stay-at-home moms, but in the ability to love, work, express, grow, and connect. It's about how you live your life.

After all, there is no shortage of people who have worldly successes but still feel low value and meaningless.

Speaking of which, you may also agree that the low value of stay-at-home moms comes from the inside rather than the outside. Stay-at-home moms are just back cookers.

All low value is not brought about by a simple real identity, but lies in how one interprets and interprets evaluations from the outside.

Behind it often hides the secrets of our early growth, our current self-growth and relationships.

03

3 ways to break low value

1. Truly express yourself and affirm your own value.

Whether it's a stay-at-home mom or something else, anyone who thinks I'm bad, I'm bad, I don't deserve to be loved, I don't deserve to have... Fear of being denied and rejected, thinking that they are doing "scraps" of chores, not making money and having no economic value, all reflect the inherent sense of low value.

The implantation of these ideas must have been shaped by the early growth experience.

Identify them and separate the past from the present. Seeing, affirming, and authentically expressing your feelings is an important step.

After receiving psychotherapy, Jin Zhiying identified the demeaning and attacking of her father as a child, which was her father's fault, not hers.

She can fight back against the man in the suit who insulted her "motherworm": how do you know my upbringing, what kind of person I am, what qualifications do you have to say that I...

Don't forget that what others say is someone else's business, and your own view and interpretation are the most important. The process of looking at and interpreting is also the process of separating the self from others, and the boundaries are established invisibly.

2. Hold the line, gently but firmly say "no" to unreasonable demands.

In the American drama "Growing Pains", even if the mother is full-time, housework in different areas, cleaning up the house, taking out the garbage, etc., there is a clear division of labor at home, so that everyone feels their responsibility at home, of course, behind which is a deep love and connection.

Because the rules for housework are also the source of cultivating children's sense of responsibility. It is a means of increasing the connection of relations within the family.

Maybe we were implanted in the early years of other people's good personality, to be patient, to pay, not to complain.

But when we grow up, we are no longer the children who are afraid of being denied, rejected, and set limits everywhere, we can allow ourselves to find confidence, courage and strength, gently and firmly set boundaries, live the life we want, and find our true selves.

3. Love yourself.

No matter how stressful and busy life is, leave yourself a little space, find your hobbies, get love through connections in life, let the energy of love flow, see yourself, and be seen by others.

Maybe no one invites you to share your experience because you insist on breastfeeding;

No one gets up at night to take care of your baby because you are sick, and write down merits for you;

No one gives bonuses to mothers because their children have successfully entered kindergartens, primary schools, junior high schools...

Maybe there is only social praise for the baby, neglect and accountability for the mother.

But don't forget that no matter what others think, how to interpret and interpret it is your business.

You can choose to walk into the fitness and beauty salon to take good care of your body and face;

You can choose to walk into the psychological growth classroom to make your heart more harmonious;

You can choose to wear beautiful and appropriate clothing to make the temperament image more elegant;

You can choose to shop with your girlfriends, complain, let yourself be busy, have a moment of leisure;

You can choose to express yourself authentically, including rejecting others;

You can be tired, tired, be a baby, and be taken care of by others;

You can cry enough when you are sad and wronged;

You can choose ...

The ability to love, to work, to express, to grow and connect is not selfishness, not scarcity, but love for oneself. When the heart is filled with love, love overflows to the family, friends, careers, and lives around you.

See yourself, "I am useful", "I am valuable", and the sense of meaninglessness disappears.

Author | Molihua Editor | Flower

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