How can children get into good schools? What should parents do?
Children love to play, chasing stars, playing mobile phones, playing kings, just don't love to learn, have to push parents forward, what to do?
Let the child study well, his mouth is worn out, he is still going his own way, what to do with this child?
We all know that family types are multi-layered and diverse, and cannot be one-size-fits-all, without a master key. Nor can we judge children by whether they can enter key schools. However, there is one thing that all parents should spend energy on, and that is to stimulate the internal motivation of their children to learn. We have seen many reports that children have developed aversion to school, tearing up books and burning books after the big exam, etc., which are the most sad.
So, how can we stimulate the intrinsic motivation of children to learn? I think parents can try something from these aspects.
01
Let your child understand why they want to learn
Once I went to a school and asked the students of the first class: Why study? There is an answer "for mom" and an answer "for the Education Bureau". Parents said that they usually tell him that the competition is so fierce, you must study well, study well to go to a good university, after graduation can have a good job, and have a good job to live a good life. The child asks what is a good day? Parents said that they probably had a house and a car. The child said that there is a house and a car now. So Chinese never know what a good day is, it is probably a good day than the neighbor' day.
Children at this age have 4 problems in their heads, and if you overcome these 4 problems, your child will explode with a very strong motivation to learn.
1. What is the point of learning?
Reading is meaningless, and sometimes it is just lustlessness. You say to the child, there are people and animals on the earth, what kind of life do you see the cats have? How cats lived a thousand years ago and how they still live now, but people are different. People live a creative life because they learn, nature gives people the brain to learn, and classroom learning is a narrow part. You can do without learning, it's the same as cats and dogs coming into this world.
2. What is the use of learning?
Classroom learning is to train the mind, thinking training to a high level, how to see it? You go to the country, find an old woman who is about the same age as me, ask the same question, and then you can see the difference. I can parse geometry with trigonometric functions and understand the relationships between variables. If these two old ladies asked you to take one back, which one would you take with you?
3. It's not that I don't want to learn, but it's too hard to learn, what should I do?
Child, suffering is the emotion, the feeling is caused by the thought, not the thing. What needs to be changed is the idea. For example, someone invites you to dinner with a monk, and the table is full of vegetables. When the monk looked at it, he thought that this man respected me too much. You see, what do you mean, invite me to a meal full of vegetables.
The same thing, because the ideas are different, two people react differently. People are different from animals, and if you cultivate, you will have fun. There is nothing more revealing than classroom learning, and this is the joy of man.
4. So-and-so did not graduate from elementary school, and is now a billionaire, what to say?
Getting rich is determined by characteristics, the first is investment boldness, the second is to be extremely actionable, and the third is to earn a million to divide the four hundred thousand. There are more people who have not graduated from primary school and have a hard life. Man has two parts of enjoyment, material and spiritual, while animals only have material enjoyment, and parents should not put utilitarian things on their children.
Parents should communicate with their children about "why they should learn and what is the purpose of learning?"
I think one's learning should not be limited to textbooks, life is the best school. We all have this experience:
- Go climbing, if you are interested in natural science, then you must feel about nature more deeply than others;
- Go to the Ocean Park, if you know the habits of marine animals well, you must be more interested than others;
- Go to the history museum, if you lack knowledge of this history, see those artifacts do not arouse great interest, just for children;
- Go on a tour to see the ancient buildings, if you don't have the background knowledge to build this building, then this building can only be a souvenir of your visit.
If you think the world is fascinating, your child will have the same understanding, because passion is contagious.
Parents should help their children develop the idea that you are not an exam machine, and you are not studying for Mom and Dad. You learn to explore this wonderful world so that your life is more colorful; you learn to grow wisdom, to explore your unique personality, to make your life more meaningful and happy; you are learning to make your life more meaningful and happy; you are learning to make the most of your strengths and talents to help others.
Tell your child in the chat that the process of learning is a process of continuous self-exploration, you will gradually understand what you like, what you are good at, what you don't like, what you are not good at; you will learn some knowledge and skills, so that you have more choices in the future and do what you are interested in.
For children, you only need to make 3 requests:
1. Be sure to work hard and sum up the experience, but don't care too much about the test results.
2. In today's age when knowledge is updated so quickly, how you learn is more important than what you learn from books. I hope you can learn various skills, such as time management skills, learning methods that suit you, the ability to analyze and solve problems, the ability to think independently, the ability to find resources and self-study, and so on.
3. I hope you have curiosity about the world, want to explore the unknown of the world, have a strong desire for knowledge, and have a lifelong spirit of learning. I hope you can find one or two subjects in school that you are interested in, and I hope you can drill into them and even use your spare time to read more about it online.
I hope you ask the teacher a question, and the teacher doesn't necessarily answer it right away, but says", "Well, good question!" I'll have to think about it and then answer you."
Learning is not equal to book knowledge, and it is not equal to academic performance. Book knowledge is only one part of learning, and life is the best and largest campus.
02
Parents should not make a big deal out of it and learn to let go
I used to take students to the countryside to learn farming, and I saw children picking apples in the orchard. Children jumped and plucked apples from trees, sometimes flushing them with water, sometimes not washing them, and wiping the peels of the apples and eating them.
Look at these children usually eat fruit at home, parents cut the apple peel, cut the apple into slices, put it in the fruit plate, the toothpick is inserted, handed to the hand, the children are still lazy to eat.
This is what we call "a jump to pick an apple". The same is true for children. Parents should set their expectations for their children at the right level. Don't take a big package and send the "apple" directly to the child, otherwise the child will not be interested.
For example, children do homework grinding, procrastinate, do not take seriously, or do not complete homework, often related to the following behaviors of many parents:
Excessive attention to the child's learning results;
Worry about your child's future development;
Too much involvement in the child's responsibility (for example, the parent asks the child to start doing homework over and over again, then sits next to the child to supervise, and finally helps the child check the homework one by one, asking the child to correct each problem).
As a result, every assignment you turn in gets a perfect or high score, but can you say it's your child's homework? When you take the child's responsibility into your own responsibility, the child thinks that learning is for the parents, learning is not my responsibility, and the state shown is procrastinating, absent-minded, and not wanting to complete the homework.
Poor writing, wrong grammar, wrong spelling, sometimes forgetting to do homework, or homework left at home, sometimes taking a bad test to go home, this is a normal thing, is an inevitable experience in the process of children's growth. If parents are therefore angry, complaining, urging and scolding, not only will the child's energy be consumed in dealing with the negative emotions caused by these, but also will deepen the child's boredom and fear of learning, hinder the development of the child's sense of responsibility and initiative for learning, and the consequences are much more serious than the child's initial "problem".
All parents have to do is:
Clearly tell your child that learning is your responsibility, not the responsibility of your parents;
You learn for yourself, not for your parents.
Set boundaries: For example, when to complete the winter vacation homework, you must complete it yourself, what the effect of the completion should look like, and who can you ask for help if you have difficulties in the completion process.
Gradually let the child take responsibility: including the consequences that need to be borne after the completion of the homework starts, the criticism that needs to be endured for the high rate of homework errors, etc., parents can also make other agreements with their children.
After the rules are formulated, parents only need to remind Yan Yuexi occasionally: Has the homework been done? Tell your child that if he needs help in any discipline, tell me and we'll find a solution together. As long as he knows how to schedule time, knows priorities, doesn't get too involved, just sometimes praises his time management for doing a good job.
Some parents like to compare, how can other people's children be so smart? People first, what about you? In this way, the child slowly forms a psychological stereotype of "I am dumber than others", and even produces the resistance of "mother likes others".
Don't compare, but based on the actual situation of your own child. Children can now jump 1.2 meters, that 1.3 meters is a more appropriate target, do not because other children can jump 1.5 meters, they must also jump so high. Don't force your children to read just for their own face, reading under pressure is not good.
03
Let the child feel a sense of responsibility and accomplishment
Parents have always been a resistance to children growing up, especially parents of only children, but you don't feel it yourself. Many of the problems with the only child are because his parents will not allow him to grow up. What are the highest signs of growing up? yes selection. Theoretically, children aged 0-6 are controlled by their parents; 6-12 years old are jointly controlled; after the age of 12, children are controlled by themselves. But is it possible in China, I see that the 30-year-old son is controlled by a 60-year-old woman. How is it possible to raise children with a sense of responsibility for learning.
1. Stand in the same trench as your child.
When a child experiences natural results and realizes that his original choice was unwise, our attitude should not be schadenfreude and count the children down the well, "You see, I told you, you didn't listen, now you know it's wrong?" Rather, it should be an encouraging attitude of "Child, it doesn't matter." Mom (Dad) also did a lot of wrong things when she was a child, eating a lot of food and growing a wisdom, and this is how children grow up."
2. Stimulate your child's internal motivation.
I firmly believe that every child is born with a positive seed, as long as parents have high-quality companionship, love, appreciation, listening and encouragement for their children, it will create conditions for the growth of this seed, and the child's internal motivation will be stimulated. Of course, give your child the time they need to progress.
3. Accept your child's imperfections
In the short term, the child's performance under the constant supervision of the parents may be better than the performance of the child after the parents let go, which is why many parents dare not let go. But the child's performance under parental supervision comes from outside control, not from internal forces.
In the long run, the inner strength will be stronger and more durable, after all, we can only accompany the child for a while, the rest of the road needs the child to have the internal motivation to go on, so we must accept the "imperfection" shown by the child in the growth.
As long as we change our attitudes and ways, many of our children's "problems" will improve. It is often heard that some parents complain that children who have gone to high school are not very responsible for their own affairs, which may be that the parents are too much in the family when they are young, or that the parents have too high expectations of their children in terms of "responsibility".
4. Let the child feel a sense of accomplishment
Why do I like math? When I was in middle school, once I was the first in the class to make a problem assigned by the teacher, the teacher ran from the podium, touched my head and asked, are you feeling happier than eating a candy? I said yes. Since then, I have liked mathematics and thought that I was good at mathematics. That's the magic of encouragement and fulfillment.
Xiaobian believes that after a period of communication and running-in, children will have a rapid growth, work together!
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