Wen | condensed mother's understanding
One day last month, when I received the notice of my child's home study, my heart sank, and the past that I could not look back on two years ago came to my mind, and I fought with my son for almost two years, seeing that victory was in sight, and I started again, how should I fight?
On the way to pick up the children, I have been doing ideological struggles, how to better face home learning, secretly decided, not to urge, not to roar, less to talk, more to cook. But I'm not sure if my son can consciously study, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to bear to ignore him, the challenge is great.
3 weeks have passed, and although I had a little bit of anxiety, it lasted for a morning and quickly disappeared.
My son studied methodically as planned, and I did my own thing step by step. The atmosphere in the home is not like two years ago, but it is particularly warm and harmonious.
Looking back on all this, it can be summed up in one sentence: parents put down their anxiety and hold back from interfering, and their children will be more self-disciplined.
Two years ago, anxiety spread and the child became depressed ever since
Two years ago, my son was in the second year of junior high school, when he studied at home, his grades were just in the upward momentum, coupled with his proficiency in computer operation, he thought that he did not have to worry about online classes, but he did not expect to be too optimistic, and once made me anxious.
The son's problem is that he is procrastinating and rubbing, and the speed of handing in homework is slow, often in the list of teachers urging homework.
Classes will also desert, once actually opened a double screen, nominally a class, in fact, watching the rocket launch, but also accidentally shared publicly, let the teacher grab a straight.
Learning initiative is not strong, encounter problems do not know the consultant teacher, all rely on Meng and guess, knowledge grasp is not solid, not solid.
I don't want to brush up on the extra questions in order to improve my problem solving speed and problem solving level. It was hard to insist on doing biology problems, and I was also yellowed.
The child has such a situation, and is facing the pressure of further education, can't help but compare with other children, I became extremely anxious, I have no intention of doing anything, and I am thinking about his learning.
For the delay in handing in the homework, I will directly urge him to write quickly, and don't let the teacher rush to name and urge. At first, the son had a good attitude and promised to try to turn in his homework early.
But this endless urge, not from his point of view to understand him, did not seriously analyze his specific situation, consider his feelings. As the number of urging increased, he became impatient and began to lose his temper, saying" You know that there is more urging, more homework, I will turn it in later, and it is not a lack of delivery."
A bad mood will affect the brain's reaction speed and slower writing homework. It's really getting slower and slower, watching the picks stop doing it.
Because of my son's desertion and the decline in grades, I began to distrust him, and often lay on the door to listen to the sound of his room. If there is a teacher lecturing, the sound of flipping paper, etc., if it feels too quiet, he will push the door in to see if he has studied.
Once, when I pushed the door and found him sleeping, I was on fire and asked him why he wasn't studying, and he was annoyed, "Can't I rest?" You know learning to learn. The next day, he took sick leave for a day off.
It is not practical for children to study energetically every day, and when tigers still have naps, they are tired of learning, and it is reasonable to rest. When we go to school and work, there will also be slack!
My son finally took the initiative to do the exam paper, but I did not cherish this opportunity, over-interfering, and making him lose motivation.
For a while, some students overtook the school to catch up with and help, and every day they made a test paper to share in the group, and everyone cheered together. The son began to insist well, but he found that many classmates did not persist well, so he wrote a few oil poems in the group.
I think that a child like my son who is not hard enough and is not good enough is qualified to judge others! Too much is a mistake, don't cause dissatisfaction from teachers and classmates. Without his consent, he was deleted, and as a result he disappeared from the group, not speaking, and not doing exam papers.
I later regretted it very much, in fact, it was caused by my own excessive anxiety, why can't I respect my son and even deprive him of the right to speak? Block this mouth that speaks freely, and he still says the truth and does real things.
My urging, distrust, and disrespect made the child's mood very depressed, and the learning initiative plummeted, and this bad state lasted for nearly two years.
Nowadays, let go of anxiety, children are active again
My son is in high school and his academic status has fluctuated, but he has seen signs of recovery. This change is not easy to come by, and I really don't want to let my son go back to the past because of my anxiety.
Although I still worry about his indiscipline when I think of the scene two years ago, I still decided to let go and let him learn to be responsible for himself.
Now, my son also has cases of not turning in his homework, but I can tolerate it. The grades were not very good, but I could accept him.
I don't chase him every day to urge his homework, but at most twice a week.
There have also been big changes in the methodology, and I wouldn't simply say," you turn in your homework quickly. Instead, he was motivated by knocking on the side, "Recently there are a few homework that are very timely, and the others are also keeping up with the rhythm, and my mother believes that you will definitely do it."
I also told him, "You don't care about the score, you must understand it, it's okay to hand it in later, and it's the most important thing to learn the knowledge." ”
It was actually urging him, and it wasn't like a hurried language, he felt comfortable listening to it, more receptive, and he had a lot of changes.
On weekends, when he was supposed to rest, he would take the opportunity to study math problems that he didn't understand and make up for the homework he owed.
At 12 o'clock in the afternoon, it was also a break time, because he did not understand a knowledge point, repeatedly watched the video, and there was a little question, he took the initiative to consult the teacher.
This state of not giving up is particularly worth having. Grades only represent the past, and good learning will win the future.
In some classes, he was very active, and instead of feeling inappropriate and dismissing him as much as before, I appreciated his engagement and praised his self-confidence.
I occasionally go to see their class records, I can feel the relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, I will also be dumbfounded, the children's class is really serious and lively, the atmosphere is particularly good.
Seeing these little performances of the child, compared with the previous negative rebellion, I feel very satisfied.
It's not a hard thing to let go of anxiety
Anxiety is a disease, it can be cured, but the bell must also be tied to the ringer, the cure for anxiety is not someone else, nor is it a product, but oneself. In the past two years, I have been battling anxiety and finally survived. Especially during this time, I figured out a lot of things and became less anxious.
First, adjust your expectations for your child.
The level of expectation of children is positively correlated with the level of anxiety. If you are always compared with other children, you are always worried that your child's grades are not good, affecting your future life, and you will often be particularly anxious, and you will be worried all day long.
If you change your mind, the expectation for your child is: to be able to take the right path, have a normal mentality, be sunny and positive, have a dream in your heart, and do not give up the upward pursuit is enough. With such a relaxed mindset, there will be no anxiety.
Second, cherish every day you spend with your children in the present.
Atul Gwende said: "Live today to the best, not sacrifice the present for the future".
The time spent with the child is limited for more than 10 years, and after the child is 18 years old, the number of meetings will gradually increase from half a year to a year or even longer, time is precious and should be cherished.
Instead of panicking in anxiety, it is better to cherish every day of the moment and live happily.
If you figure this out, you won't worry about some uncertain future, try to change your lifestyle, just do what makes you happy, and anxiety won't come back.
Finally, don't sit idle.
As soon as people are idle, the brain begins to think wildly. If you don't want grass to grow in the field, you have to plant crops in the field, and you must keep yourself busy.
Like me, the task assigned to myself is to try to write an article every day, shoot a video, write down the beauty of life, and reflect on some things. Combing through your own life can also give some references to friends who need it. If I insist on this, I can also set an example for my children to work hard and get the best of both worlds.
Considering that my son is a foodie, I worked eating and changed all kinds of tricks to make food. Busy shopping for vegetables every day, making three meals a day, my son eats with relish, seeing him happy, I am also very satisfied.
Although it takes time to cook, it is not worth enjoying the beauty of life! A meal not only nourishes the stomach, but also heals the heart.
epilogue
Some people say that the problem that the child has is the refraction of the parent's problem, when we feel that the child has a problem, it must be a problem on our own, of which anxiety is the main problem.
If you are dissatisfied with your child's performance, check yourself whether there is anxiety, and if there is, change it quickly. Let go of anxiety and let go of yourself in order to achieve children.
I'm @Gelma Goku
Mother of two boys, more than 10 years of parenting experience
Accompany children to read, English enlightenment, science enlightenment
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