A girl asked me: We obviously love each other, there are so many good memories, I have done this job, and it is pleasing and redeeming, why does he say that if he does not love, he will not love? Why is he so desperate?
Did he suddenly not love you? Did he say that he immediately became desperate after not loving? Maybe you're ignoring those details of everyday interactions. Just pay a little attention, and you will find that the signs of a man's change of heart are actually very obvious.
When we fall in love with someone, we always hope that "if life is only as we first see", but we do not expect that "waiting for idle changes but the hearts of the people". Probably the human heart is so changeable, you and I can't help it.
When you find the clues of a man's change of heart, don't try to cover it up, don't live in a beautiful fantasy about the future, try to analyze this relationship from a rational point of view, if you can still save it, try to save it, if it is a foregone conclusion, then bravely let go.
Men change their minds, there will be the following performances, found that one should also be paid attention to.
With nothing to say, there are fewer and fewer common topics between you
Psychology believes that the key to maintaining feelings in intimate relationships is "friendship" in addition to love, and communication is the key to "friendship".
Through communication, resonance allows both parties to have more common topics, which continue to strengthen the relationship and increase the sense of intimacy between the two.
Like what:
You like to watch a certain type of movie, the other person tells you that he also likes to watch, and also listed a few of his favorite movies, you exchange each other's movie viewing experiences on these movies, and asked which one you want to watch together next time.
What you like to eat, the other person tells you that he also likes to eat, you maintain a strong interest and a high degree of unity in what you eat at each meal, and you can always get healing from the food together.
Based on common interests and hobbies, the feelings between you have become more and more intimate, creating the feeling of meeting a soul mate.
Looking back at the scene when you first got together, is it very similar to the above? And since when have you gradually lost interests in food, movies and other hobbies, and the common topics between each other have become less and less until there is nothing to say?
Perhaps, you perceive this change, do not think about it, just feel that he is busy, do not have the time and energy to communicate with you, and will also have a feeling of "old husband and wife".
Less and less passion between you, bland and tasteless;
The communication and resonance between you is getting less and less, and the communication is limited to very superficial content such as what to eat at night and what time to leave work, and there is no longer in-depth communication;
The pace of your joint construction of small families becomes inconsistent, and often you are enthusiastic to give advice, he tells you "I am tired, you look at it";
He no longer greets in advance when he works overtime, no longer explains when he returns late, and spends only his free time socializing and gaming.
In intimate relationships, the "desire to share" is an extremely important factor, there is sharing, interaction, resonance, the relationship can develop for a long time.
When the other person no longer actively shares with you, there is only one real reason - he does not love you anymore.
I don't care about you, I don't care how you feel
You can clearly feel that when a man begins to change his mind, his concern and concern for you is gradually disappearing.
At first, you may just forget something you said and ignore the impact of something on you; slowly, you forget the important days associated with you without any explanation; and later, I am afraid that you are not even as good as his buddies and colleagues.
In resorting to daily interaction, the most direct manifestations are probably the following categories:
One is that when you are wronged, he thinks that you are pretentious and think a lot, and it is not so serious at all.
For example, you feel that his relationship with a member of the opposite sex is too close to make you uncomfortable. When he loves you, he will coax you, care about your feelings, promise you to pay attention later, and when he doesn't love you, he will only care more about his feelings, thinking that you are too much.
The other is that when you express your sadness, uneasiness and other negative emotions bluntly, he will no longer comfort you as before, but will ask you unusually calmly - what does your unhappiness have to do with me?
There is also a kind of quarrel, he no longer takes the initiative to reflect on his mistakes, he argues on the basis of reason, wants to defeat you logically, even in the Cold War, he is no longer the one who takes the initiative to seek peace.
Of course, he is not completely indifferent to you, and occasionally his attitude towards you will become slightly softer when he is in a good mood, and he will tell you two jokes and talk about things around you.
But this situation lasts very short, maybe one second laughing with you, the next second it cools down.
Don't think that his occasional "softness" is soft on you and thinking of old feelings, he just hasn't thought about whether to continue the relationship and how to say break up.
Men don't love anymore and will continue to be with you for other reasons, psychologically and can't cut you off instantly, waiting until one day. He slowly adapted to not loving you, and it was only when he really said to break up.
Likes verbal sarcasm that plunges you into self-doubt
From nothing to say, to indifference, to verbal sarcasm, it is a gradual process. At this stage, the man is ready to leave you, his patience with you has dropped to the freezing point, and his love for you has disappeared.
You can actually feel his impatience and disrespect for you, panic in your heart, not knowing what he has done wrong, trying to find a way to change the status quo.
You share happy things with him, and not only does he not have the patience to listen, but he interrupts you when you first open your mouth and asks you "What's so much to be happy about?" ”；
Obviously the atmosphere of getting along is OK, you just say a little more advice about something related to him, he is unhappy, sarcastically you manage yourself;
To celebrate the holidays, you prepare a big meal and happily want to celebrate with him, but he is black-faced, cold or silent, making you wonder if you are doing something wrong.
Conflicts between you grow, most of the time he erupts first, accusing you and satirizing you, you go from defending yourself to letting it be sarcastic, the atmosphere of getting along is at a low pressure, your emotions are wavering, and you are caught in self-doubt.
You may really think it's your own problem, constantly recalling past experiences, trying to find out the words and deeds that need to be changed, you try to communicate with him, adjust your self-state, apologize, and reconcile.
Eventually you will find that whatever you do is wrong and deserves to be scolded.
If you don't jump out of the relationship in time, you'll only become more and more humble and less self-worthy.
Actually, where do you have such a bad one? Outside you get along harmoniously with friends and colleagues, and you are deeply recognized by your superiors, how did you become worthless in front of him?
Believe me, it's not all your fault, it's just that he changed his mind and didn't love you anymore.
The above three kinds of men's manifestations of changing their hearts can be summed up in three words - cold violence.
People who are accustomed to using "cold violence" to solve intimate relationship problems are usually more self-sufficient, have no sense of responsibility, and are accustomed to facing problems with avoidance, and what they care about most is always themselves.
Entangled with such people, your self-esteem, self-confidence, sense of security, etc. will be eroded, and even cause serious mental trauma.
In this life, losing love and getting love is a perfectly normal thing.
When you find that the man who once promised you has changed his heart, and what he has given you is no longer love, only hurt, please be brave and leave.
Today's Topic:
What else do you think men show as a change of heart?
Flowers say emotions: Focus on interpreting the emotional problems of marriage, and give you comfort and warmth in the hustle and bustle of the world