Xiaobian pinched his fingers, you must not be less angry recently
Recently, because of the epidemic, everyone is more angry than anxiety and fear.
There may be a lot of friction with children, partners, and family members when you can't go out.
Or browse some news online, causing anger to skyrocket
Today's article has some tips and methods to help you control your anger and express your feelings in a healthier way.
01.
First understand your anger
Anger is a very normal, healthy emotion. Like any emotion, it also conveys a message that a situation is disturbing, unfair, or threatening. But if your knee-jerk reaction to anger is an outburst, then that message will never have a chance to get across. So it's normal to feel angry when you've been abused or wronged, but anger becomes a problem when you express it in ways that hurt yourself or others.
You may think that the way your anger is vented is healthy, reasonable, and respectable.
But the truth is, anger is more likely to have a negative impact on the way people see you, weakening your judgment and hindering your success.
The effects of anger
A sudden outburst or loss of control in long-term anger can have serious consequences for some of the next aspects.
Be in good health
Being in a state of high stress and anger for a long time can make you more susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, weakened immune systems, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
mental health
Long-term anger can consume a lot of mental energy, affect your thinking, and make it difficult for you to concentrate or enjoy life. It can also lead to stress, depression, and other mental health problems.
Career
Constructive criticism, creative disagreements, and heated arguments are all beneficial. But lashing out will only alienate your co-workers, supervisors, or clients and reduce their respect.
interpersonal relationship
Anger can leave scars on the people you love the most and can also hinder relationships between friends and colleagues. Explosive anger can make it difficult for others to trust you or make it impossible for people to talk to you comfortably. Secondly, there is also a huge harm to the child's development.
If your temper is grumpy and you feel that you can't control it at all, there is little you can do to tame this beast. But you can control your anger more than you think. After understanding the real reasons behind your anger and your anger management skills, you'll learn to express your emotions without hurting others and not letting your temper control your life.
Angry misunderstandings and clarifications
Myth #1: I shouldn't "suppress" my anger. It's healthy to vent it out.
Fact 1: It's true that suppressing and ignoring anger is unhealthy, but venting anger purely isn't much better. Anger is not something that must be "vented" in an aggressive way to avoid an outburst. In fact, rage and tirades only add fuel to the fire and exacerbate your anger problems.
Myth 2: Anger, aggression, and intimidation help me earn respect and get what I want.
Fact 2: Respect doesn't come from bullying others. People may be afraid of you, but they won't respect you if you can't control yourself or deal with the opposite point of view. If you can communicate in a respectful way, others will be more willing to listen to you and meet your needs.
Myth #3: I can't control my anger.
Fact 3: You can't always control the situation you're in or how it makes you feel, but you can control how you express your anger. You can also express your feelings without verbal or physical abuse. Even if someone is irritating you, you can always choose how to respond.
How has anger management helped you?
Many people think of anger management as learning to suppress their anger, but not getting angry is not a healthy goal. No matter how hard you try to suppress it, anger will still erupt.
The real purpose of anger management is not to suppress feelings of anger, but to understand the message behind the emotion and express it in a healthy way without getting out of control. When you do, not only will you feel better, you will also be more likely to meet your needs, manage conflicts in your life better, and enhance relationships.
We need to make an effort to master the art of managing anger, but the more we practice, the easier it becomes. The rewards of anger management are enormous. Learning to control your anger and express it appropriately will help you build better relationships, achieve your goals, and lead healthier, more satisfying lives.
02.
Method 1: Explore the real reasons behind the anger
Have you ever quarreled with someone about something stupid? Many people quarrel in small things, but there is usually a big problem behind this. If you notice that your anger is rising rapidly, ask yourself, "What the hell am I angry about?" Recognizing the true source of the setback will help you better express your anger, take constructive action, and work toward a solution.
Does your anger mask other emotions such as embarrassment, insecurity, hurt, shame, or vulnerability? If in many cases the knee-jerk reaction is anger, then it's likely that your temper is masking your true feelings. If you grew up in a family that strongly opposed the expression of feelings, this is more likely to happen. As an adult, it may be difficult for you to acknowledge feelings other than anger.
Anger can also mask anxiety.
When you perceive a threat, whether real or imagined, your body activates a "fight or flight" response. In the case of a "fighting" reaction, it often manifests itself as anger or aggression. To change your reactions, you need to figure out what makes you feel anxious or scared.
Anger may stem from something you learned as a child. If you see other people in your family screaming, beating each other, or throwing things, you might think that's how anger should be expressed.
Anger can be a symptom of another underlying health problem, such as depression (especially in men), trauma, or chronic stress.
Anger has far more clues than it does
You find it hard to compromise
Whether you have a hard time understanding someone else's point of view, or even harder to acknowledge one. If you grew up in a family where anger could not be controlled, you may remember how angry people achieved their goals through loudest and harshest ways. If you experience such an environment, you may feel that the failure and vulnerability brought about by compromise are very frightening.
You will see different perspectives as a challenge to the individual
Do you think your approach is always the right one, and you get angry when others don't agree with you. If you have a strong sense of control or a fragile sense of self, you will interpret other perspectives as a challenge to your authority rather than a different way of looking at things.
In addition to anger, it is difficult for you to express other emotions
Are you proud of your toughness and ability to control. Whether you feel emotions like fear, guilt, or shame don't apply to you. Everyone has these emotions, but you might cover them up with anger. If you're uncomfortable with different emotions, incoherent, or just an angry response to certain situations, it's important to get back to how you feel.
03.
Method 2: Pay attention to your anger signals
Although you may feel like you're angry without warning, there are already warning signs in your body. Knowing the signs that your temper is starting to pick up can allow you to take steps to control your anger before it gets out of hand.
Pay attention to how anger feels inside you
Stomach upset
Clench your hands or chin
Feel wet cold or blush
Breathing is faster
headache
Pacing or walking around
Difficulty concentrating
My heart beat faster
Tighten your shoulders
04.
Method 3: Identify your anger trigger points
Stressful events are not an excuse to become angry, but understanding how these events affect can help you take control of your environment and avoid unnecessary deterioration. Look at your daily routine and try to identify activities, times, people, places, or situations that trigger irritability or anger.
Maybe you get into a fight every time you go for a drink with friends, or the commute situation that goes to and from work every day drives you crazy. When you find your own triggers, find ways to avoid them or look at the situation from a different perspective so they don't make you angry.
Negative thought patterns trigger anger
You'll think that external factors are causing your anger, for example, insensitive behavior of others, or frustrating situations. But anger has nothing to do with what happens to you, but with how you interpret and think about what happened.
Common negative thought patterns that trigger and fuel anger include:
Over-summarizing
For example, "You always interrupt me. You never consider my feelings. Everyone didn't respect me. I never got the respect I deserved. ”
Obsessing over "shoulds" and "musts." "Stubbornly believing how things should or must be going to work out makes you angry when reality doesn't align with that view."
Jump to conclusions
You assume to "know" someone else's thoughts or feelings, such as they deliberately upset you, ignore your wishes, or disrespect you.
Collect useless emotions
Always looking for things that upset you, usually trivial, and ignoring anything positive. Let these little annoyances accumulate until you reach the "last straw" and explode.
Blame others
When something bad happens or something goes wrong, you always feel that it's someone else's fault. You tell yourself, "Life is unfair," and then blame someone else for your problems instead of taking responsibility for your own life.
When you identify the mindsets that make you angry, you can learn to re-examine your view of things. Ask yourself: What evidence is there to prove that this idea is correct? Isn't that true? Is there a more positive and realistic way to look at things? What should I say to a friend who is thinking about these things?
05.
Method 4: Learn how to calm down quickly
Once you know how to recognize the warning sign that your temper is rising, and you know your trigger point, you can quickly deal with your anger before it gets out of hand. There are many ways to help you calm down and control your anger.
Focus on the physical sensations of anger
While this may seem counterintuitive, focusing on physical feelings when you're angry usually reduces the level of anger you have.
Take a deep breath
Taking a deep breath, slowly helps counteract the rising tension. The key is to take a deep breath from the abdomen and let as much fresh air as possible into the lungs.
Move it
It's a good idea to walk down the street for a while. Exercise releases repressed energy so that you can deal with problems with a calmer mind.
Use your senses
You can use your senses of sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste to quickly relieve stress and calm down. You can try listening to a piece of your favorite piece of music, looking at a precious photo, sipping a cup of tea, or petting a pet.
Stretch or massage tight areas
For example, if you turn your shoulders when you're nervous, or gently massage your neck and scalp.
Slowly count to ten
Focus on counting and let rational thinking prevail. If you still feel like you can't control yourself when you count to 10, start counting again.
Learn to self-examine
When you start fretting about something, take a moment to think about the situation.
Ask yourself:
How important it is to look at it as a whole
Is it really worth getting angry about it?
Is it worth ruining my remaining day?
Was my reaction appropriate for the situation at the time?
Can I do anything?
Is it worth my time to take action?
06.
Method 5: Find healthy ways to express your anger
If you feel that some situation is worth getting angry about, and what you can do to improve it, the key is to need to express your feelings in a healthy way. Here are some ways to help you learn how to resolve interpersonal conflicts in a positive way.
Reasonable appeals
It's normal to be angry with someone, but if you don't discuss it rationally, your relationship can quickly freeze. Reasonable appeal allows you to express your needs while respecting others.
Put relationships first
Maintaining good relationships is the main thing, not winning arguments with others. Please respect others and their points of view.
Focus now
Once you get into a heated argument, it's easy to bring up past unpleasantness. Instead of putting the blame on someone else, focus on what you can do right now to solve the problem.
Learn to forgive
Conflict resolution is not possible if you are unwilling or unable to forgive. The solution lies in letting go of the hatred in our hearts, and punishment can never make up for our losses, but only further consumes and consumes our lives, thus aggravating our harm.
Find a place to calm down
If your anger starts to get out of hand, let yourself get out of the situation for a few minutes, or calm yourself down.
Know when to let go
If you can't agree, seek common ground while reserving differences. An argument takes two people. If the conflict does not progress, you can choose to get out of the conflict and move on.
07.
Method 6: Take good care of yourself and learn to stay calm
Taking care of your physical and mental health can help relieve tension and dissolve anger.
Manage stress
If your stress levels are ridiculously high, it's harder for you to control your temper. Try practicing relaxation techniques such as mindfulness meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, or deep breathing. You will feel calmer and more in control of your emotions.
Chat with people you trust
Nothing is more effective in relieving stress than a face-to-face chat with a friend or loved one. The person doesn't need to provide answers, they just need to be a good listener. But talking about your feelings and seeking a different perspective on something isn't the same as venting. Simply venting your anger to someone will only exacerbate your temper and make your anger problem worse.
Get enough sleep
Lack of sleep can exacerbate negative thoughts and make you feel irritable and irritable. Try to get seven to nine hours of quality sleep.
Exercise regularly
It's an effective way to eliminate tension and relieve stress, and it can make you feel more relaxed and active throughout the day. The goal for most days is at least 30 minutes, which can be divided into shorter periods if easy.
Stay away from alcohol and drugs
They will reduce your control and make it harder for you to control your anger. Even consuming too much caffeine can make you more irritable and more angry.
08.
Method 7: Use humor to ease tension
When things get stressed, humor can help you lighten your mood, clear up disagreements, reframe problems, and keep your points right. When you feel like you're going to be angry in a certain situation, try to use a little light humor. It allows you to express your point of view without making the other person feel conflicted or hurting their feelings.
However, it's important that you laugh with each other, but not laugh at them. Avoid sarcasm and mean humor. If in doubt, start with self-deprecating humor. We all like people who can gently joke about their own failures. After all, we all have flaws, and we all make mistakes.
So, if you make a mistake at work or spill coffee on your body, instead of getting angry or arguing, try making a joke about it. Even if your joke doesn't work, or you tell it wrong, the only person you might offend is yourself.
When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, a potential conflict can even be an opportunity to increase connection and intimacy.
09.
Method 8: Know if you need professional help
Despite putting the anger management techniques in place, anger may still get out of control, or you may need more help if you get into legal trouble or hurt others.
Anger management courses allow you to face the same dilemmas with others and learn tips and tricks for managing anger.
Participating in therapy, whether group or individual, is a great way to explore the causes behind anger and identify triggers. Therapy can also provide a safe place to practice new skills in expressing anger.
In abusive relationships, anger is not really a problem.
Many believe that domestic violence and abuse occur because the abuser has lost control of his or her temper. But in fact, this is a deliberate attempt to control the performance of others. If you have a tendency to domestic violence, you need to consider specialized treatment instead of regular anger management courses.