"Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist": True growth is to shake hands with the past and make peace

Author | Fan Deng Reading · Wendy

Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Yang Gun Gun

Interpret the trailer

Meet · Meet your unknown self in the book.

Good evening to all book lovers, welcome to the reading column "Encounter" produced by Fan Deng Reading.

Do you often fall into negative emotions and can't help yourself?

Are you prone to losing confidence in yourself in the trough?

You don't know if you should see a psychiatrist?

Today I would like to share with you a primer on psychology that subverts cognition - "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist".

The story of Mr. Toad is the life story of each and every one of us.

It will poke you, heal you, change you, and give you the strength to grow.

Pavlov once said:

"All stubborn and heavy melancholy and anxiety are enough to open the door to all kinds of diseases."

There is no shortage of wounded people in this world.

The book "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist" has brought hope and light to countless people who are struggling in the dark.

The author, Robert Debod, is a veteran British psychological counselor, and the book takes the form of a fairy tale and vividly and interestingly shows a person's journey from depression to healing.

The protagonist, Mr. Toad, was originally a warm, fashionable and adventurous guy, but he suddenly fell into depression and could not extricate himself.

With the help of his friends Mole and River Rat, he went to the counselor Heron for ten psychological counseling sessions.

In the end, not only did he return to a normal life, but he regained his happiness, but his heart also changed.

Mr. Toad, in fact, is the true portrayal of every you and me.

Adler once said: "Happy people heal their lives with childhood, and unfortunate people heal their childhood with a lifetime." ”

But whether you are happy or not, life cannot be repeated.

True growth is to shake hands with the past.

Look outward, the root of the pain is not forgiveness

The mole still remembers the scene when he walked into the toad manor.

The hedges are untrimmed, the flower beds are overgrown with weeds, the lawns are covered with yellow leaves, and the unkempt withering looks like they are unattended.

When he found the toad, he was nestled in a chair in the toad manor, a pair of large eyes that had lost consciousness were half-open, and his look was dim.

He was listless every day, and there were often sad, sick thoughts in his head, feeling that he had no value, and everything he saw had no color.

The toad was depressed. Friends River Rat, Mole and Badger contacted a counselor, The Heron, for him.

Inspired and patiently accompanied by the heron, the toad slowly opened its heart.

On the surface, the toad has no worries about food and clothing, and has inherited his parents' manor and property, but he has a serious inferiority and sensitivity.

In order to look sociable, he became someone else's pistachio, pretending to be a passionate hippie.

After a drunken getaway, he stole a car and fled in disguise as a washerwoman.

He snatched horses, stole money, and was displaced all the way, eventually arrested and imprisoned.

After his release from prison, he found that his home was occupied by weasels, and even his favorite school trustee position was about to be replaced by his friend Lao Badger.

Not only that, he felt that his friends were treating him like a fool and a joke.

The toad kept complaining about the river rat's sneer at him, and when the river rat was angry, he had to appease it against his will and plead bitterly with it.

He also indignantly accused the old badger of his harsh criticism of himself, which reminded him of his childhood father's scolding and dissatisfaction with him.

In short, in his heart, all unhappiness and pain come from the harm that others have done to him.

For this reason, he felt powerless and extremely depressed and depressed.

The negative state and the feeling of collapse of the toad are like the confused us in reality.

When a person's heart begins to be closed and anxious, constantly denying and attacking himself, refusing to accept others, he will have no passion and courage in life.

The light is sullen and unhappy, step by step; the heavy is depressed and negative, and the world is tired of life.

A person asks outwardly, and the heart will never get happiness and peace.

To forgive others and forgive the imperfections of life is to let go of oneself.

Instead of complaining about everything on the outside, look inside.

How the script of life is written depends on oneself, and everyone can become a better version of themselves.

Look inward, the key to happiness is in your own hands

Psychology expert Li Xue said:

"A person's life is the happiness and misfortune of reincarnation of childhood over and over again."

As the consultation deepened, we learned about the childhood of toads.

Toads grew up in "joyless" families, with their fathers being stubborn and harsh, and their mothers cowardly and incompetent.

Even if he is criticized by his father, he can only endure in silence and will not be comforted.

From being sent to a private school at the age of 7, to choosing a Latin major at university, to graduating and inheriting the family business, every step of Toad's life is decided by others.

In order to gain recognition, he tries to please them, but in exchange for blame.

Growing up, the toad lives in the shadow of childhood, wrapped in scars and loss, and gradually loses itself in the struggle and wandering.

He is obviously inferior and sensitive, but he pretends to be confident and strong against his will;

He was bitter and confused inside, but he pretended to be happy and indifferent.

After depression, he wanted to take his own life. Stopped by his friend River Rat and led to see a psychiatrist.

The first time I came to The Heron House, the counselor Heron asked, "Who made you come?" ”

The toad replied without hesitation, "River rat." ”

But the heron reminded him, "The only thing that can make you come is yourself." ”

After constant thinking, the toad finally understood:

He must take responsibility for his own life and cannot expect others to redeem himself.

In each subsequent consultation, the heron simply threw out the problem, and the toad itself analyzed the cause.

And the problem with herons has always been:

"What do you think about this?"

"What would you do?"

"How do you feel?" ......

He began to pay attention to his own emotions and feelings, no longer seeking the approval and affirmation of others.

In the dialogue with himself again and again, the toad's heart began to have strength and a feeling of happiness.

Everyone once had the shadow of Mr. Toad.

With the inner wounds, but also to meet the ups and downs of life.

From the desire for external recognition, lose the sense of self-existence.

Someone said: "If you are sad, try to look up at the sky, look at it and forget, it is so big, it must be able to contain all your grievances." ”

Instead of waiting for a cure, learn to heal yourself.

When I went through a thousand sails, I found that the key to opening the door of inner happiness was in my hands.

True growth is to shake hands with the past

The first time I met the counselor, Mr. Toad asked him, "Do you think I'll get better?" ”

The counselor stood still, looked directly into the toad's eyes and said:

"If I didn't believe that everyone was capable of getting better, I wouldn't be doing this job."

During the months of his visit, the toad embarked on a journey of self-discovery with the help of herons.

Slowly, he accepted his painful past and was willing to live in harmony with his emotions.

The score for the "emotional thermometer" also rose from the initial 1 to 2 points to 9 points.

He patiently observed the grass on the side of the road and felt the wonders of nature;

He rebuilt the abandoned rowing boat and rowed it once to feel the long-lost joy of life.

With the heron's patient guidance and encouragement, the toad finally took the first bold step.

He bravely defended his rights, took back the position of trustee from his friends, and competed for the presidency of the Riverbank Cricket Club.

He always remembered a sentence said by the heron: "Whether you want to reconcile with life or not, you decide for yourself." ”

In the process of self-healing, he not only found happiness, but also regained his hobbies.

He bought himself a new boat and competed in several kayak races;

I drove my favorite big convertible again and did a short trip.

He gave up his bored family business and turned to real estate, excited to start a real estate company.

Not only that, but he also had to say goodbye to his past self.

He sold the Toad Manor, built a new house on the riverbank, and walked out of the mansion that carried his grief and witnessed his depression.

The story of the toad tells us that if you want to soothe the pain of the past and overcome the suffering of life, you can only rely on yourself in the end.

As the heron said to the toad on its last consultation:

"If you take responsibility for yourself, you know you have the power to change your environment and yourself."

It turns out that when indulging in a past when it seems to be helpless and painful, it is a wise choice to let go.

If you want to break through the shackles of the soul and truly grow, you must have the courage to shake hands with your past self and make peace.

Write at the end

Robert Debod, author of "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist," once likened life to a river.

It seems to flow quietly, the wind and waves are calm, but in fact, the undercurrent is surging and dangerous.

Life is bittersweet, we will always be hurt, we will always be confused.

But at any time, the only thing that can really heal yourself is yourself.

Don't complain, try to be responsible; don't be afraid of loneliness, try to precipitate.

The detours you think may have different landscapes; the shortcomings you experience may be another window opened by God.

Click "Watching" and may everyone throw away their sadness and loneliness, get rid of helplessness and indifference, and shake hands with their past.

What life can save is always the person who is willing to come out.

Author | Wendy: Loves to read, write, and is willing to write a good life with warm words.

Column Director | Come slowly

Typography | Zheng to the north

Image | Some of the pictures in the text come from the Internet, which are invaded and deleted

Music | Haneda Ryoko - Eiffel