Author: Creative Group Oh Mom
Recently, a scene by Haiqing in the popular drama "Heart Residence" spread throughout the circle of friends, which resonated with many netizens.
In the play, she plays the daughter-in-law Feng Xiaoqin, who is at home full-time, industrious and capable, and has taken care of a family by herself for 8 years.
However, because he wanted to have a second-hand house that belonged to himself, his husband and children, he was discouraged and suppressed by his in-laws for various reasons.
She even felt that she was too strong, staring at her husband too tightly and forcing herself too hard.
In the face of the distrust and understanding of the whole family, she finally broke out emotionally after years of hiding and poured out her grievances:
"I don't have a good mentality with you, you guys one by one, take your time, don't worry."
"I can't, I'm in a hurry!" I don't keep an eye on him now, and it will not be you who will accompany him to drink the northwest wind in the future, it will be me, and the little tiger. ”
"In eight years, you have hired a babysitter for hundreds of thousands, or in your eyes, I am not even as good as a nanny?"
Others blamed her for buying a house with selfish intentions, regardless of the lives of the elderly in the family.
But she just had more precautions and wanted to plan for the future of her family of three as soon as possible.
With one enemy and many enemies, she was isolated and helpless, and she had no choice but to lose.
I wanted to spend eight years of my youth, diligently and earnestly doing everything; who knows, I gave so much, and in the end I was thankless.
This despair and loss can be seen as early as her marriage with her husband Gu Lei.
The biggest unbearable marriage,
It is the story of two people, living into the world of one person
For Feng Xiaoqin, deciding to marry Gu Lei, in addition to love, there is more or less a "springboard" psychology.
After all, it is a foreigner, who wants to base himself in Shanghai, has no academic qualifications and no background, and has to find an honest family to marry and let himself have a dependency.
However, the old fairness is unremarkable, does not know how to do things flexibly, and is dull.
Born insecure, she spent her life educating her son, and also wanted to be a virtuous helper, encourage her husband to be self-motivated, and take an accounting certificate to improve the level of the family.
But the husband is content with the status quo, get by, and don't take her words seriously.
To be strong, she saw that her husband was completely different from herself on the same channel, and she only felt disappointed, sad and frustrated, and even implicated her anger on her son.
When he was not happy, he yelled at his son and kept counting his husband in front of his son.
Even if you complain to your father-in-law and eldest sister and ask for support, what you get is not a concern.
After eight years of marriage, instead of getting better and better as desired, he was always regarded as an outsider by his in-laws and was wary everywhere.
There is a saying that a marriage of one person alone often has no happy ending.
The combination of two people obviously has to work together and operate together, but it is always one person who bears the pressure, constantly exerts himself, and fundamentally goes on.
I remembered the experience of Lin Chengwei and his ex-wife in the program "Spring Day Late Departure".
He is a good gentleman in the eyes of everyone, but after spending nearly 30 years with his ex-wife, he still can't get to the end.
In the end, there are many differences between each other, and the two hearts can't get together.
Marriage is a combination of love and responsibility, even if the two initially identify each other because of the coincidence and fate.
If there is no mutual support and care for each other, only by the efforts of one person, it is completely impossible to dance a good dance step and perform the marriage drama.
The partner who stayed alone on the stage finally arrived with a longing, disappointed and disappointed.
Blindly self-sacrificing,
After all, it is yourself who is exhausted
Over the years, I have seen too many full-time mothers pour everything into their husbands and children, but they are unable to survive alone after the tragic marriage change.
In addition to their heartache, they also have to recognize a cruel reality:
Accustomed to giving, often compromising, and overly seeking perfection, such a woman lives more and more without herself.
In "Our Marriage", the encounter of full-time mother Jiang Jing is also painful.
Once she was a high-income, capable, and deeply rooted in the hearts of leaders and colleagues.
After suffering discrimination in the workplace after marriage and pregnancy, she was bent on becoming the woman behind her husband, and she was determined to resign and return to her family and teach her husband and children.
He shouted that "there is nothing wrong with treating your husband as a boss", but asked about her husband's income and threw himself into the family.
Knowing that being a stay-at-home mother without financial resources will be particularly humble, but she will also persuade her friends to learn from her, and it is okay to sacrifice.
The result?
Thinking that obediently signing a prenuptial agreement and giving up their legal rights is to prove their love for their husbands;
But I didn't know that my husband had long been guarding against her, and he had a different heart.
Blind concessions and sacrifices are exchanged for the husband's intensification.
After learning that her husband had cheated on her, she collapsed and despaired, and she didn't know what to do to protect herself and protect her innocent children.
It's not that stay-at-home moms are bound to face such a dilemma.
It's just that if a woman is desperately paying from beginning to end, endlessly hollowing out herself, in the end, it is only herself who suffers.
I know that the last divorced person once shared this:
At first, I listened to the sweet words of the other half, thinking that it was not bad to be a good wife and mother, at least I could guard the rear and let him develop well.
But the child was born, I took care of it all, he never helped once;
The child was sick, and I ran the hospital alone, but he talked and laughed at the banquet;
I have quarreled several times, but I can't help it, I can only keep forbearing, thinking about staying up.
But I never expected that he would dislike my incompetence, the yellow-faced woman, and even take my sacrifice for granted.
Debater Huang Zhizhong said in the program:
"Self-sacrifice is just a bargaining chip to cash in later."
Everyone has a bottle of love in their hearts, if they always give in and pay for themselves harshly,
In the end, his bottle was empty, and he cashed in endless sadness.
A good marriage is when two people practice together
Running a marriage is not easy.
The happiest marriages have 200 thoughts of divorce and 50 urges to strangle each other.
But no matter how difficult and how bad it is, since they choose each other, all the two people have to do is to live a good life and manage the relationship properly.
More importantly, it is to enjoy together, but also to work together, there are comings and goings, two-way.
Chen Daoming, who was once again on fire with the voiceover voice of "The World of Man", and his wife Du Xian were like this.
After falling in love for three years, he walked into marriage hand in hand, and he knew that his fame was far from being his wife who was the announcer of "News Network".
But he is not arrogant, but strives to forge ahead, and wants to be worthy of his wife on his own.
Later, the wife who was close to the family germinated the idea of resigning as a stay-at-home mother, he thought about it and put forward his own opinion:
"Women stay at home for a long time, and they will have a lot of psychological imbalances, so it is not recommended."
Under his encouragement, his wife continued to find a balance between family and career, and finally grew up step by step to become a professor at the Communication University of China.
To this end, Chen Daoming realized the experience of running a marriage:
"Co-cultivation is the highest state of the relationship between husband and wife.
The greatest meaning of a couple's relationship is not to eat and dress, have children, but to nourish each other, achieve each other, and improve the level of life. ”
In marriage, everyone is equal.
It is not said that anyone should give up on themselves, seek perfection, the more healthy and mature the relationship, the more attention is paid to each other's mutual achievements.
In this practice of the two, the pursuit is that everyone will become better and have a happier relationship.
I once envied the old Japanese couple in the documentary "The Fruits of Life".
The 90-year-old Shuichi and the 87-year-old Hideko have been together for most of their lives, always thinking about each other and passing on their love.
When he was young, Shuichi wanted to buy a yacht, but the cost was far beyond his budget.
Eiko did not think that he was whimsical, but since her husband wanted to buy it, she should abandon her kimono to support her husband's dream.
Eiko loves to cook food, and her biggest wish is to say "delicious" by Shuichi.
Shuichi not only praised him, but also wrote to the restaurants that provided the food, thanking them for providing ingredients for his wife.
Don't forget to praise his wife "You are my best girlfriend".
A beautiful marital relationship is more or less like this.
Two single-mindedly in love with each other and willing to make each other better and work harder.
Such relationships not only nourish each other, but also serve as a beautiful example for their children and influence the direction of a family.
What is marriage?
There is a high praise answer: marriage, is the love of responsibility.
Only two people who walk hand in hand into an intimate relationship can pick up the responsibility on their shoulders without hesitation, pay time and energy, and make trade-offs.
Love for each other can grow together over time, rather than consuming each other.
After all, the original wind and snow moon have finally passed, and only when two people are in step and go hand in hand, can the intimate relationship continue.
I hope that everyone who has struggled and is now determined to change can read the mystery of marriage and continue to study and improve.
Find joy in intimate relationships, find the true meaning of life in loving and being loved, and achieve yourself and your other half little by little.
Author: Oh Mama, educational psychology teacher, senior family education instructor, willing to use her heart and pen to open the children's spiritual world. New Oriental Family Education (ID: xdfjtjy) transmits the concept of professional family education, provides family education information at home and abroad, and shares absorbable and operable methods and suggestions. Make continuous learning a habit for families.