Wen | Cheats Jun
I remember a few years ago, when talking about whether to have a second child, many people will subconsciously move the conditions for the birth of a second child, "there are people with money", and the "people" here actually refer to the elderly in the family, and most of them are in-laws and grandparents of children.
Even when I combined the examples of people around me, I found that the reason why some families did not have a second child was actually because no one brought them, and the elderly who could have helped bring them were actually brought to their other son.
This leads to a new type of "eccentricity" that causes headaches for parents and also makes children feel defamatory: families with two sons in the family, as parents, bring the first and second children to the son, but do not bring it to the other family.
This eccentricity not only caused a difference in the number of children in the two sons' families, but also caused subtle changes in the relationship between the two brothers.
"Among the parents of my kindergarten classmates, those who give birth to a second child are all brought by the elderly; those who do not have a second child are mostly brought by the elderly to another family."
In the kindergarten class where my daughter is located, there are already many people with two children, and in the remaining few families that only have one child, I have asked the reason, although some say that they do not want to live for the child for a lifetime, but if you ask, most of them are only brought by their parents, and the elderly in the family have not helped.
The mother of a little boy said that she and her husband had sacrificed too much to bring their son. Originally, she and her husband were both public institutions, but the public institutions she was in were busy and could not take care of their children, so they could only resign, found a sales job in the mall, and took care of picking up and dropping off children on weekdays.
On weekends, dads take their kids to his work unit and sell them in the store himself.
Usually, if she is busy, she will also see her uncle and aunt come to the kindergarten to help pick up and drop off the children, which shows that it is not easy for the two to bring a baby.
I asked about the child's grandparents, and I replied that the child's grandfather had been seriously ill and did not dare to ask for anything. Later, I learned that after my grandfather recovered from illness, he was with his grandmother at the child's uncle's house to help take the baby. The uncle's family has already given birth to a second child, and the second child is a few months old.
Although I didn't hear the meaning of complaining, I still felt the sense of alienation from my mother when she mentioned her children's grandparents.
"Because of the unfairness of taking the baby, I have been rejected by the second family"
Walking the baby in the community square on the weekend, the child and the two little babies had a good time, and the three of us parents stood and talked for a while.
The two old people with babies chatted for a while, and one of them said to the other in a serious tone, "You had better tell your second husband in advance, and in the future, you will have to stagger with the old people, otherwise don't say that the eccentricity of the mother did not bring it."
It turned out that this grandmother helped bring up her eldest granddaughter in the old people, and then the daughter-in-law became pregnant with her second child.
At this time, the second daughter-in-law marries the daughter-in-law, and the younger daughter-in-law belongs to the unmarried and pregnant. When the family discussed the marriage of their children with her, they paid special attention to who would bring the children when they were born. Now she hesitated. Trembling and trembling told the old people, the eldest daughter-in-law was not happy, saying that if the second treasure was not brought, she would go to beat the fetus.
Where is this? I had to lose the second family.
After the children of the second family were born, they were brought by their grandmother and grandfather. And the second brother has no contact with the old people.
Look, parenthood is really a practice. Not only should we pay attention to "a bowl of water and a flat bowl" in the process of raising children, but also try to be fair and just in the matter of taking a baby.
Of course, in the matter of taking the baby, the elderly can not be completely fair, do not have a second child, have several children, whether there is an old man to help bring is not the main reason, more or to see the family's economic strength, parents' parenting expectations for children and their own inner voice.
But if the old man can obviously "rain and dew evenly", but because of his eccentricity to a son who only brings a family's baby; or does not help with the baby, but he is justifiably born, it is as if he owes them. Such an attitude is really unpleasant.
[Do you have such examples around you?] 】
Senior nursery, psychological counselor. Understand the parenting and psychology, but also pay attention to the self-growth and family management of baoma, and strive to be the intimate person of mothers.
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