01
This morning to send my daughter to school, I happened to meet my daughter's classmates and two sisters, and the two were sitting on the stone pier at the entrance of the school to eat breakfast. The older sister is seven and a half years old, in the second grade of primary school, with a gentle personality; the younger sister is six years old, attends kindergarten classes, and has a hot temper.
When the time to enter the school arrived, several of my sister's classmates came one after another, and several girls saw that they were about to finish eating, so they stood quietly and waited, looking like they were planning to enter the campus together.
Suddenly, the sister of the two sisters slammed her head into one of the girls who was waiting for her sister to enter the school with her. Although the girl was carrying a heavy school bag, she was still knocked back by the force of the impact and took two steps back. The girl was very stunned, like she was knocked unconscious, and she did not slow down for several seconds.
Seeing that the other party did not have any counterattack action, the sister estimated that "this person is a good bully", so she lowered her head for the second time and was preparing to continue the attack, which was urgently stopped by me.
She didn't realize she was wrong and continued to eat breakfast casually.
Liking to use her hands and feet seems to have become the label that this little girl brings with herself.
Because the family has long demanded "big and small", the sister is introverted and sensitive. Because of the long-term escort of her parents, my sister has always had such a concept: "My sister's things are mine; my things are still mine." ”
Toys or snacks, but whatever the sister wants, the sister can only endure the pain of love even if she likes it. Not only that, my sister also practiced a good skill of slapping a slap with one hand! If the sister had half a complaint, she would slap her sister with great numbness; if the sister pointed out that she had done something wrong, she would come forward and make the sister scream.
I can't remember how many times I've seen my sister cry because of things like that. To be honest, it's really heart-wrenching to watch.
02
Yes, children who enjoy the preferential treatment of "big let small" at home are naturally not a good stubble at school or elsewhere.
According to her mother, "After we were in the first grade, I estimated that we would be frequently chatted privately by the teacher. I'm only in kindergarten now, and I'm naughty at school one day. The teacher said that not only did she not listen to the lecture herself in class, but also had to pull up the classmates next to her to speak; she never played with the girls after class, but with the boys. I especially like to beat people with my hands, and when I came home, I pretended to be pitiful. Last semester she went home for two weeks in a row and said that someone had beaten her, and I couldn't listen to it anymore, so I went to her homeroom teacher, and the teacher said that she was the child who liked to hit people the most. ”
Because her sister and my daughter have a good relationship, yesterday our two families made an appointment to read a book in the nearby library.
On the way, she repeatedly attacked her sister, who had learned to defend herself in order to avoid her attacks. Her mother seems to have become accustomed to the fact that her second-born daughter has repeatedly done things to her eldest daughter, and also joked: "My eldest daughter has found the most suitable way to deal with it." ”
Since her sister used the means of escaping to avoid being beaten, she extended her clutches to my daughter.
While waiting for the subway, my daughter was chatting with her sister when she punched my daughter in the chest, and my daughter reacted quickly and immediately pushed her away, just to her forehead. Seeing the intensity, she hit my daughter with a much greater force, and my daughter's hand only touched her forehead, but she instead complained and cried first, shouting that my daughter had hit her.
Maybe it is that there are more people in the subway station, and the children crying and crying makes people very irritable, or maybe it is painful that their little daughter is "bullied", and her mother's way of comforting is actually - "Crying and crying, crying and crying?" Do you think that everyone is your sister and must let you go? ”
03
In the past, it was an era of son preference; now, the new type of eccentric problem of "big let small" is corroding the hearts of many children. Yes, "big makes small" does tend to lead to multiple extremes:
First, it will make the eldest child have a cowardly personality, so that he will be inferior, self-destructive, and sometimes even self-harming and depressed.
Second, it will make the second child arrogant, not only become the overlord of the family, but also easily become the bully of school violence outside.
Third, "big makes small" will stimulate conflicts between two children, and even change from sisters to sworn enemies.
Fourth, long-term victimization of "big let small", the eldest child may erupt on a certain day to retaliate against the second child.
So, what should parents do to change the harm caused to children by "big and small" in time?
First, do not put all your energy on the second child, you should take more time to accompany Dabao and pay attention to Dabao's emotions.
Second, don't pull the strings of the right thing and don't pull the strings. Don't judge that Dabao must give way to the second child because of his age.
Third, strive to tell Dabao with practical actions that every child is the heart of parents.
Fourth, all words about "big and small" should not appear in the family.
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How many children do you have in your family? How do you measure the "big let go small" question? Welcome to discuss with Xi Xi's mother.