September 30, 1979.
During the Mid-Autumn Festival of this year, Sanmao's husband Jose died unexpectedly while diving in the sea on La Palma Island.
After sanmao experienced this huge emotional catastrophe, his hair began to turn gray.
"On the day of Jose's disappearance, I prayed all night, and I didn't believe in God, but for Jose, God was my last help. I said God, I exchange all my repentance for Jose, even if my hand is broken and my face is ugly, it doesn't matter, I must return my Jose to me. My Spanish wife, who was with me, told me that she looked at my hair all night and turned little by little white. ”
March, 1943.
Sanmao was born in Huangjueya, Nan'an District, Chongqing, to a family of scholars.
During the chaotic era, the Sanmao family continued to relocate, settling briefly in Chongqing and Nanjing, and later the family moved to Taipei.
In 1967, Sanmao felt frustrated because of his love, and finally set foot in a foreign country to study at a university in Spain. This time, in fact, it was her youthful paranoia to deal with feelings, at first she just hoped to rely on this action to retain the person she liked, and she did not think that sometimes some actions could not be exchanged for too many meaningful things.
Her study abroad life began with a blurted out move, and she also won a worldly love because of the appearance of a person.
Figure | Sanmao old photo
On a foreign Christmas night, when Sanmao and her friends were celebrating the holiday, they met her future husband.
--- Jose.
The name was later coined by Sanmao.
At that time, Sanmao's name was actually "Hexi", a sunny and warm enough name, but Jose really couldn't learn these two words, and Sanmao simplified it to "Jose".
On that day, Jose just walked down the corridor and said Merry Christmas to each other, and Sanmao at a friend's house also happened to see him.
The girl's heart fluttered, and she wrote a paragraph on the paper, recording their first meeting:
"The first time I saw him, I was electrocuted and thought, how can there be such a handsome boy in the world?" If one day he could be his wife, in vanity, it should also be a satisfaction. ”
Sanmao is a sociable girl, when studying abroad, she often went to a friend's house to play, and Jose's house was nearby, and after a long time, the two began to get acquainted.
They play baseball together and go shopping together.
Later, Sanmao discovered a secret, and the teenager in front of him actually liked himself, and Sanmao could not accept this at that time. Although she had a vision in her heart, she had experienced suffering in the emotional world and did not want to develop a relationship with Jose in front of her.
At that time, Jose was still a senior in high school, and Sanmao was already in his third year.
Figure | Sanmao
Jose knew that Sanmao liked to read, and for Sanmao's pursuit, Jose also used the same method.
Every time he looked for Sanmao, he would always carry a few books, which were no longer important if he had read them, the key was that Jose hoped to get Sanmao's likes.
The two had their first formal date at a nearby movie theater. Even if Sanmao did not feel that it was a date at that time, it was a normal interaction between friends.
Sanmao remembered this memory later, and still felt extremely sweet. Jose and Sanmao were not a well-off child, and when they first watched a movie, Jose only had fourteen Western dollars in his hand, which was only enough for two people to watch a movie.
Jose was also embarrassed to tell Sanmao:
"I have fourteen dollars, just enough to buy tickets for two people, shall we go to the movies together?" But you have to walk, because there is no money for a car. ”
With the first smooth appointment, Jose showed a crazy pursuit of Sanmao, he always met Sanmao when skipping class, and after four days, Sanmao still decided to explain the matter to Jose.
While they were wandering the streets, Sanmao took the initiative to say a word to Jose:
"Don't come to me from today onwards."
Sanmao may not have thought that her words were not exchanged for Jose's letting go, but a sincere commitment to the future of the two people.
Jose told Sanmao:
"Wait another six years, let me go to college for four years, two years of military service, and in six years we can get married, and all I want in my life is to have a very small apartment with a wife like you, and then I will go and earn money to support you, which is the happiest dream of my life." 」
Sanmao is cautious about this love.
Maybe it wasn't long after she had just withdrawn from her previous relationship, even though she liked the teenager in front of her, she finally chose to refuse.
No matter from what angle we look at the friendship they first met, what we see is a deeply affectionate teenager, a mature and considerate girl.
She didn't believe in what was called a "six-year contract."
The clean and pure initial love of the teenager did not become sanmao's thoughts. At that time, she did not believe in such an oath.
On the occasion of parting, Sanmao asked Jose to leave along the small slope of the park, so that she could see the back of his departure. However, Jose did not choose to become a ramp teenager in Sanmao's memory.
He chose to trot along the park's flat path, running and shouting as he turned back.
"Goodbye Echo, goodbye Echo."
When Sanmao recalled the scene of that day, she said that while Jose was trotting all the way, it suddenly snowed, and Jose, who was running in the snow, was engraved in the depths of her memory.
After the end of his study abroad career, Jose returned to Taipei. During this period, Sanmao had fallen in love, and she was hurt by love again, and the optimistic and cheerful teenager who remained in her memory never thought that there would be a chance to meet again.
Six years later, Sanmao's Taipei happened to have a former Spanish friend of hers, and after meeting Sanmao, she told Sanmao the story of Jose.
Jose grew a beard and was no longer the teenager he had been in high school.
Just half a year later, Sanmao chose to return to Spain from Taipei.
Sanmao is bent on becoming the kind of person who will never be hurt by him in the emotional world. But the final outcome is always so unsatisfactory, she is repeatedly injured, and she is often full of hope for life.
Returning to Spain this time, Sanmao saw a more fiery Jose.
When Spain met again, Jose picked up the unprepared Sanmao behind his back, and Sanmao's long skirt drew a beautiful arc with Jose's rotation.
Figure Sanmao and Jose
Jose warmly invited Sanmao to the room.
Sanmao was also stunned by the scene in front of him, and inside Jose's room, there were densely packed photos of Sanmao. These photos were once sent to friends by Sanmao, and Jose always took the opportunity to secretly keep all the photos about Sanmao for himself.
That day, he saw Sanmao, who was full of pictures of himself on the wall, and was moved by Jose.
She looked earnestly at Jose and asked him:
"Do you still want to get married?"
Seven months later, Sanmao and Jose chose to get married.
In the Spanish Sahara Desert, after watching a movie, the two wore blue shirts together, walked forty minutes in the yellow sand to the courthouse, and completed the marriage notarization.
This is almost impossible in your and my opinion today, and it will not become the choice of most people.
In the days after marriage, Jose, as a seaside diver, was often busy with work. Sanmao is busy cleaning up the housework, and his leisure time is spent writing.
Figure | Jose
Later, when Sanmao accompanied his parents on a trip to Europe, Jose accidentally died while diving.
When Sanmao buried Jose, he was mad for a while, constantly roaring and screaming, unwilling to accept this reality.
After Jose's death, Sanmao buried him in the cemetery.
From early morning to sunset, Sanmao, who has been spread by sad emotions, chooses to go to the cemetery to accompany Jose from the moment the red sun rises.
It wasn't until, when the tomb watcher reminded her to lock the door, that she chose to leave.
Every day when she left, she also had to look back and listen to the clicking sound of the locked door in the hands of the tomb watcher.
At that time, Jose's cemetery was only a small mound, with no tombstones and no Western ceremonial crosses.
Her parents looked at her sad and wanted to be by her side, and the sensible Sanmao was afraid that her parents would blame themselves for it, and could not bear her parents to go to the cemetery, and in the end, her mother secretly went to visit.
Unfortunately, Jose's cemetery at this time did not have a tombstone, and the yellow flower of Sanmao's mother was misplaced.
Sanmao began to methodically handle Jose's posthumous affairs, and she went to the local carpenter's shop and personally drew the cross, while telling the shop owner what to engrave on the tombstone.
"Jose Marian Groh ---- Rest"
"Your wife commemorates you"
In Sanmao's world, she has an incomparably innocent and clear understanding of love.
This perception goes beyond the sense of security that money brings, beyond the real marriage in the world. Jose is a man who can really enter her heart, and such a man, for him, has nothing to do with money, and it has nothing to do with the future.
He loved her, she loved him.
That's what this marriage really means.
Most of us have not been able to witness Sanmao's story in person, but Sanmao has left her gentle voice for most readers.
Sanmao's voice, through a cool and thin era, warmed generations of people.