Cultivate the most interesting and practical psychology every day
We don't live in a world that is black and white, and a lot of things are in a vague gray area. However, there is no definition of absolute good or bad.
Everyone has a good side to him, but also a darker side to him. It's just that the darker side, most of them are not known, only they know it in their own hearts. There are also dark sides that are not even known to me, and come from the subconscious of the individual.
Therefore, people who do good deeds are not necessarily good people, and perhaps they also have a dark side hidden in their bones that is not known to outsiders. The darker the person in his bones, the more obvious these 4 characteristics are, and the more enthusiastic he is about doing these 4 things, be sure to keep a distance.
Good words in front of people, gossip after people
Most of the darker people in my bones know the way of dealing with the world. They can still show strong adaptability in the face of complex and changeable social environments, and they are very good at judging the situation and will progress or retreat with the pace of the public.
They are well aware of the relationship between individuals and groups, and they understand the importance of groups to individual development. Therefore, they will not say anything negative in front of others, but once they have formed an inherent opinion of a group or a certain person subconsciously, it will cause an imbalance in their hearts.
In order to balance this inconsistency between cognition and behavior, they generally choose to superficially agree with this thing or this person, but behind the scenes, they will definitely use some negative language to complain.
In our lives, we usually call this kind of person "two-faced" or "smiling tiger", although this kind of person is not accepted by the public, but because of the too smooth handling, good at calculation, deal with it, the loss is always honest people.
Such people will only flatter in the process of interpersonal communication. But because they look gentle and humble on the outside, they will give people the illusion that they are very good to get along with. Only after a long period of interaction can we see their essence.
I don't want to see people around me who are better than myself
This kind of person is not accustomed to all the people around them who are better than themselves, only allow good luck to happen to themselves, and when someone around them is better than him, it will stimulate a strong sense of jealousy in their hearts.
And this is because they will not willingly admit that there are really people who are more capable than themselves, but they cannot change the established reality. Thus, they open up a self-defense mechanism – rationalization. Use your own subjective thinking to embellish objective facts.
In everyday life, the most common rationalization scenario is the sour grape phenomenon. They will belittle those things that are full of envy in their hearts and cannot be obtained in reality, so as to alleviate the feeling of discrepancies in their hearts due to the inability to get this thing.
Those who are really dark in their bones. Unable to accept that anyone around him surpasses himself, he often uses sour grape psychology to maintain his inner balance.
People who like to control the thinking of others
Such people usually have a strong sense of self, hoping that the world can revolve around them and hope that the people around them can surrender to themselves and have a strong desire to perform and control.
In life, they are unwilling to accept the ideas of others, nor will they listen to the opinions of others, and they will use their subjective consciousness to judge the rights and wrongs of objective things. The last thing they can do and accept is to listen and communicate.
Because in their eyes, they are absolutely right beings. As long as it's not self-conscious, there's no need to waste too much time discussing it. And such people are simply unaware that such behavior is unreasonable.
The most typical example in life is the controlling parent, who will always morally kidnap the child in the name of love, preach to the child as a person who has come over, but never think from the child's point of view.
In the final analysis, such parents simply impose their dreams on their children that they have not been able to achieve in the past, and they enjoy the absolute obedience of their children to themselves and like to control everything from the moral high ground.
When the objective reality of life runs counter to their subjective consciousness, it will stimulate the anger in their hearts, and some people are even accustomed to using violence to vent their dissatisfaction, and such people will be difficult to control once the results of the outbreak.
Knowing that things cannot be done
Those who are very dark in their bones always like to go against the grain of the world. Because they have a heart that wants to prove their efforts. What social morality does not allow is exactly what they want to try in their hearts. This is also the inner activity of many perverted murderers.
Most of these people carry out indiscriminate attacks, have no clear target, and do not have a specific group of people, but randomly carry out their own perverted behavior to the end.
They know that what they are doing is unacceptable to social morality and even the legal system, but their twisted hearts will still regard the evil things they have done as heroism.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205