He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
Lev. Tolstoy has this to say in his book War and Peace:
"We like people, not just because they're good to us, but because we're good to them."
When getting along with people, there will always be one party who takes the initiative and the other party who is in a passive posture.
It's like you're pursuing someone you like.
Whoever moves the feelings first will subconsciously give, invest, and spend more time, energy and money on the other person.
The same is true in socializing.
When you ask for people, you will naturally take out your own low posture.
But when we continue to be nice to others, this gesture continues.
Being good to a person will make you gradually adapt to this rhythm and adapt to this way of getting along with each other.
Over time, being nice to him becomes an addictive behavior.
In psychology, this can be explained by "Bab's Law".
-01
Babe's Law: The better you treat a person, the less the other person will cherish
There is a Bebber's law in psychology, which can be understood as:
When a person continues to experience the same stimuli and then gives him the same material stimuli, it becomes insignificant and insufficient to attract his attention.
Like what:
When you first started working, you earned 5K a month and you felt very happy;
After a few years of work, you earn 10,000 a month, and you are equally happy.
However, if you make a sustained income of 10,000, then your excitement will be reduced.
There is a story:
Every day on his way to work, a man meets a beggar.
On the first day of encountering the beggar, the man gave him 10 yuan; the second time he met, the man gave him another 10 yuan.
Over time, the beggar became more and more impressed with the man, and also got used to the 10 yuan that the man gave him.
One day, the man had no change on him and only 5 dollars left.
When he gave 5 yuan to the beggar, the beggar asked him with a look of displeasure: "Why only give me 5 yuan today?" ”
You see, when you give and give to a person, it remains at the same frequency; once you have lowered, the other person will forget your good and nag you about your bad.
And in turn analyze:
When a man first gives a beggar 10 dollars, he gains gratitude, gratitude, and some sort of redemption in his ego's heart.
After all, when a person does good deeds, the inner sense of accomplishment is enough to make his heart peaceful and peaceful.
Therefore, every time he saw a beggar, he would subconsciously give to the other party.
Since there is a first time, of course there will be a second time.
As long as he could see the beggar, he would always give.
-02
The higher the cost of input, the more reluctant to give up
In fact, there is something called "obsession" in the depths of everyone's heart.
What is obsession?
Persistence, thoughts.
In love, a person's obsession is:
I love you and will always be good to you, as always, from beginning to end.
In the process of paying for the lover, we increase the cost we put into the other person; the higher the cost paid, the higher the other party's status in our hearts.
It's like the Little Prince and the Rose in The Little Prince.
Is there anything different about that rose?
Indeed, the biggest differences in roses are:
It took the little prince countless days and nights, countless energies and love, to cultivate the roses.
There are thousands of roses in this world, but so what?
In the eyes of the little prince, they were not as precious as his roses.
Analyze from a psychological point of view:
When we give for each other, we will silently accept this fact and gradually develop a habit.
In the other person's mind, they will subconsciously think: we should play this role.
Over time, a similar illusion will arise in our own hearts: "I am good to you, so I like you; because I like you, you deserve to be good to me." ”
Therefore, the more you give for a person, the better you are to a person, then the more unwilling you are to give up the relationship easily.
However, the feelings between people are not that you will get the same reward when you give.
In fact, most of the time, you can't get the same reward for your efforts.
In love, there is a sequence.
Whoever falls in love with each other first will give more; but the bottomless payment will only make the other party not cherish your good.
In interpersonal communication, there should also be a "sense of proportion" in giving.
Overzealous and too nice to others will make you develop a "flattering personality."
When you get along with others, you lose the initiative, which means that you are always at a disadvantage in this relationship.
It's okay to be nice to a person, but it should be built on the basis of not hurting yourself.
Today's Topic:
Do you think it's addictive to a person?
(Article with picture source network)