"Thirty and Standing" is to understand the world, to understand oneself, to understand oneself, and to understand the position of oneself in the world

I don't know if you are single, have you ever been forced into marriage? Well, this question is equivalent to a white question, there must be some, and there are many. I was also forced to get married.

So when you are forced to get married, have you often heard such a sentence: thirty and standing. There must be.

I want to talk to you about what it means to be thirty and standing, I think it is definitely not the meaning of starting a family, I think everyone is in favor, approved, trouble to like.

"No, Mom, you listen to my sophistry, no, you listen to my explanation."

It happens that I am also thirty years old this year, single, yes, the single dog uncle of 92 years. No house, no car, no savings, no career, no insurance. Commonly known as "five coal middle-aged", I originally planned to use "five plum youth", but think about it, I do not have the purity of plum blossoms, nor the pride of plum blossoms, and I dare not trespass. And because I was often close to coal when I was a child, Zhang's is a little dark, so let's five coals! There are sixty more for one, and I am Chinese New Year's Eve now, I am already half-cut into the loess, and I dare not think of myself as a young man, well, admit it! A bite of the teeth, a stomp of the foot, decided, just use the "five coal middle-aged". In ancient times, there were Mr. Wuliu, who did not seek much solution for good reading, and now there are five coal middle-aged people, and good reading alone seeks to understand.

The phrase "thirty and standing" comes from the Analects, which Confucius said, and from the Analects of the Analects: "I am fifteen determined to learn, thirty and standing, forty and not confused, fifty and know the Destiny of Heaven, sixty and obedient, seventy and from the heart, not excessive." “

This sentence is Confucius's life experience in his later years, it is the chronology of Confucius's life, and many people like to use it as life guidance, indicating that they should reach a certain stage at a certain age. But with the spread of this sentence, there are many people who rely on the old and sell the old as the law of life, I don't know if you have seen it, I have seen it. They also don't want to think, this is the life experience of The Sage Kong, are you a saint?

Confucius was married at the age of nineteen, and now it seems that it is an early marriage, and it should be fined, so if it is said that thirty and standing is to start a family, then Confucius's sentence should be twenty and standing, which shows that "thirty and standing" is not the meaning of marriage and children.

Why does the thirty-year-old stand have the meaning that they should get married and have children? This may be from the "Etiquette Qu Li"

Ten years of life is young, learning. Twenty weak crowns, thirty strong, roomy. Forty strong, and Shi. Fifty Years of Ai, serving the government.

Sixty years old, commanding. Seventy years old, and passed on. Eighty-nine years of mourning, mourning and old, although guilty, no punishment is imposed. Centennial date.

"Thirty days strong, there is a room." Mainly this sentence, "room" they think is to have a family, that is, to have a wife and children. Song Xiangfeng of the Qing Dynasty agreed with this view and said in the Analects of The Subtle: "Strong and roomy". Therefore, everyone generally believes that thirty years old is in the prime of life, and it should already have the appearance of starting a family.

I strongly disagree with this view. It's not that I don't respect the ancestors, the baby is also bitter in his heart, the room, there is the meaning of the house, you ancients do not care much about the house, although the family is four walls, broken is broken, fortunately there is ah. We all listened to the ancients: Why does a great husband suffer from wifelessness? It can be seen that there are still people suffering from it. Have you ever heard of: Why does the eldest husband suffer from no room? But we are suffering now, and all the people who are suffering are overcrowded.

How can we ask the elite women of the new era to marry five coal youths like us? Ah, oh, five coal middle-aged. Young man, I am no longer worthy. I strongly disagree.

So what Confucius meant by "thirty and standing" does not mean "strong and roomy"? What does that mean? Confucius himself said it in the Analects.

Chapter 8 of the Analects of tabernacle, Zi Yue: Flourishing in poetry, standing in ceremony, and becoming happy.

In the thirteenth chapter of the Ji shi chapter of the Analects, Chen Kang asked Yu Boyu: ... He was independent again, and the carp tended to pass through the court, saying: Learn etiquette? Right: Not yet. If you don't learn etiquette, you can't stand. The carp retreated to learn the etiquette.

The third chapter of the Analects of Yao Yue. Confucius said: I don't know my fate, I don't know what A gentleman is, I don't know etiquette, I don't know what I can do, I don't know what I can say, I don't know who I am.

Therefore, Confucius said that "thirty and standing" is standing in ceremony. It is to know the etiquette, so what is the etiquette? Confucius was about to speak again: DaZai asked, this is a question of great significance.

So what is etiquette? "Etiquette and Fortune": It is the old husband's ceremony, which must be based on the first year, divided into heaven and earth, turned into yin and yang, changed into four hours, and listed as ghosts and gods. Its surrender is known as its destiny, and its official is in heaven. The ceremony of the husband shall be based on heaven, the place of movement, the matter of the column, the change of time, the cooperation of the art, and the people who live in it are also known to be nourished, and their deeds are based on cargo power, resignation, diet, crowning, mourning, shooting, and hiring.

Although the Book of Rites uses such a long paragraph to discuss what is "etiquette", in fact, it is simply the world view of the ancients, the heavenly way, and the rules and regulations of "etiquette" are all established in accordance with the Mandate of Heaven, which is a social ethics and discipline, and the legalization of behavioral norms.

Tai Shi Gong has a cloud in the "Book of Rites of History": Yu Zhi Da Li Guan, looking at the profits and losses of the three generations, is to know the human condition and make ceremonies, and to make rituals according to human nature, and its origin is still unknown.

Kong Yingda of the Tang Dynasty also had a similar view in his "Book of Etiquette and Justice": the husband of the ceremony, through the heavens and the earth, the beginning of the first year of the original; the original is the end, the body is the desire of human feelings.

Tai Shi Gong said: He was a ceremonial official, watching the losses and gains of the three dynasties of ceremonial ceremonies, only to understand, Oh ~ the original ceremony is derived from human feelings, according to human nature, this is all based on the Heavenly Dao.

This is a manifestation of the spirit of benevolence, and Old Master Kong is a very humane old man, and he said this. One day a man named Lin Fang came to ask Confucius, what is etiquette? What is the essence of the liturgy? Confucius sighed: Oh, your question is of great significance, he said: General etiquette, rather than extravagance and waste, would rather be simple and simple. As far as funerals are concerned, rather than being thoughtful and appropriate, it is better to be excessively sad.

Etiquette, rather than extravagance, rather frugality; funeral, and its easy also, Ning Qi. Zi Lu explained this sentence, in the "Li Ji Tan Bow" Yun: Zi Lu Yue: I heard the masters: funeral, rather than mourning insufficient but the etiquette is more than enough, but if the ceremony is insufficient and mournful, there is more than enough mourning. That's what it means.

The ancients believed that at funerals, crying is to cry, because the death of relatives will inevitably be excessively sad, so it is necessary to be polite, but if you only do the superficial work of the ceremony, there is no real grief, this is not the true meaning of the ceremony.

I have attended funerals in the countryside, and some women can really cry, ordnoble, stretch the rhyme, like singing. But not a single tear was shed, they all covered their mouths with towels and cried, and I've seen people who were secretly wet. The real crying is by no means good, just like Mr. Lu Xun said in "The Lonely Man": suddenly, he shed tears, followed by loss of voice, and immediately turned into a long howl, like a wounded wolf, howling in the wilderness in the middle of the night.

Confucius meant that the ritual is only the external form, and the true feeling of the heart is the root of the ritual. Only later, I don't know how it changed, originally it was made for people's feelings, but human feelings gave way to etiquette, and etiquette reflected human feelings, so it became what Lu Xun called "the etiquette of eating people."

Therefore, in Confucius's view, "thirty and standing" is to know the etiquette, to know the etiquette, to know the warmth and coldness of human feelings, and to know the rules of heaven and earth. The rules and regulations established by human feelings are to know oneself, and if you are yourself, you can gain a foothold in this world.

Dong Qing also said this point of view in a conversation, she said: Thirty and standing, it is really not to say that thirty years old has any position, status, but what it says is that at the age of thirty, you should form a relatively clear and complete world view, outlook on life, you know more about yourself, better understand the world, it is the fundamental place that supports you to 40, to 50 years old

This view is actually consistent between ancient and modern times, but in fact, Confucius said it in more detail. Sometimes I also wonder, why should I read this ancient book, that old pile of old paper, what is the use? Until I saw a saying: To read an ancient book is to ask the dead for answers. This is our history, and those who are separated from history are people who hang in mid-air, without boundaries, and nowhere to land.

We are all groping people on the vast road of life, and we can only dispel the darkness in the distance by walking together and lighting the lamp.