In the movie "My First Brother", the priest stands in front of a newlywed couple and witnesses their marriage: "It is difficult for one person to get through the difficulties, but he and the other half can support each other." That's why jesus will unite two weak people. ”
Lack and scarcity become the premise of love, and love is the forgiveness and forgiveness of human fragility.
I especially agree with that.
Lack and scarcity become the premise of love, and love is the forgiveness and forgiveness of human fragility. /Figure pexels
So, while I am passionately loyal to ease, I am constantly wary of expecting it once and for all—to rely on others to make up for my flaws, and can I be free from the obligation to self-repair this defect? Is love an opportunity to escape from one's imperfect self and to cast an overly perfect hope for one's lover? Can this hope really be realized? Love – such "righteous" speculation may end up with great risks.
In love relationships, there is a kind of person called "Maxist" - Max (referring to the American comedian Grok Max) once joked that he would not join the clubs that were willing to accept people like him as a member, although he wanted to join the club, but when the wish was realized, he did not want to join - like Max, this kind of person longs for love, but can not accept that love really comes; expects the other party to love himself, but when the other party really loves himself, he will be ashamed and angry. For fear that when the true self of the sweetheart is revealed, it will be followed by disappointment—a disappointment that usually has already arisen (perhaps as early as the bosom of the parents) but will continue to be projected into the future. As a result, although they will fall in love, they will not really enter the relationship.
On July 8, 2021, Chengdu, Sichuan, the love zebra crossing in Hejiang Park was completed after the renovation was completed. / Visual China
Writer Alain De Botton explains this by looking at the people we love from the perspective of a unrequited lover, imagining the infinite happiness of living in paradise with them, a major danger that we tend to overlook is that if they begin to respond to our love, then their attraction may soon fade.
"We love because we want to escape our own weaknesses—ugliness, stupidity, stupidity—by borrowing the perfection of our beloved—beauty, intelligence, and humor. But what if such a perfect person one day decides to love us back and forth? We can only be a little shocked - the taste is so low, that they look at us, how can they be as perfect as we hope? If, for the sake of love, we must believe that our sweethearts are superior to us in some way, then isn't it a cruel fallacy for them to respond to us with the same love? We are led to the question: Is she/he really that perfect? How could she/he possibly fall in love with someone like me? ”
De Botton said that love without response may be painful, but it is a safe pain, because it only hurts itself and not others, it is a personal pain of self-inflicted, and it is a mixture of bittersweet and bittersweet. But once love is reciprocated, then people must be prepared to give up just being passively hurt and take responsibility for hurting ourselves — through love, we ally ourselves with beautiful and powerful lovers, allowing us to get rid of our weaknesses, but once we get rewarded, we have to start looking at ourselves and further examining the beauty of the other person that once made us love. No one can be sure whether the cause of love is just a misunderstanding, whether love is, as Wilde put it, "separated by understanding."
No one can be sure whether the cause of love is just a misunderstanding, whether love is, as Wilde put it, "separated by understanding." /Figure pexels
In love relationships, Marxists have a particularly clear sense of self, they themselves feel that the true self is unacceptable, and intimacy must expose this side - if love is bound to disappear, why should they accept the favor of love?
De Botton wrote: "If you love me now, it's only because you don't see the full me." Marxists argue, "If you don't see the whole me and I'm trying to get used to your love until the day you see it, it's crazy."
In De Botton's "Notes on Love", the protagonist falls in love with a fantasy object with his own advantages, "clear thinking ability, stable personality, firm direction, clear theme", but after the skin kiss, the lover exposes more secret self, or the self that the protagonist deliberately ignored in the early stages, "fragile, easy to collapse, mentally scattered, poor inside", and even, the protagonist is thinking: "How can she like these shoes?" How can someone who likes these shoes like me at the same time? ”
De Botton wrote: "If you love me now, it's only because you don't see the full me." /Screenshot of the movie "Bouquet of Love"
The veil of love gradually faded, everything that was blurred and chaotic became sharply clear, gradually moving from the part to the whole, and the self was unstoppable.
People who are new to the network are often reluctant to prejudge heavily that a new world is coming, and not just a locally similar, partially powerful, partially beautiful person has emerged. If two worlds are about to merge, it will be a horror story; if the other person and I are very compatible, very compatible, it will be as easy as a love sketch - but this complete world will always come.
Returning to the priest's testimony, "The Lord allows two weak men to unite," that is, love arises when there is something lacking and needy. Paradoxically, when love comes, we will find that others have the same needs and needs as we do. De Botton said this "infuriated us immensely" and that "I had hoped to find the answer in another person, only to find that they were facing the same problem." We realize that they need an idol too, and we understand that our sweethearts cannot escape the same feelings of helplessness as we do. In order to take on the dual responsibility of saving and being saved, we are forced to no longer be childish and passive in hiding in God-like admiration and worship."
In essence, it is only when we are loved that we truly gain life. /Figure pexels
In the final analysis, the dilemma of this kind of thinking depends on the self.
Stendhal said: "An isolated person can get everything, but he can't get personality." "Individuality is born and manifested by the reactions of others. De Botton went even further, he put it bluntly: "Maybe we really don't exist until someone witnesses our existence in this world; maybe we can't say it in words until someone understands our language." In essence, it is only when we are loved that we truly gain life. ”
But when one self meets another self, the personality will both dissolve and be rebuilt, both exploited and enriched, and if the other self is regarded as another world as equally as it is—a world as huge, mixed, sophisticated, cumbersome, and spectacular as it is, then love will strike a balance between self-love and self-hatred, remove its mannerisms, and enter the truth.
We have both the freedom to embrace love and the freedom to reject it. /Figure pexels
Entering a love relationship has always required courage, not everyone can do it, but fortunately, we have both the freedom to embrace love and the freedom to reject love, without courage, freedom is also a kind of progress. I still remember a man's call to a girl who fell in love at first sight in the musical "Laundry"—"The one who made me laugh briefly and cry for a long time"—sometimes high-pitched, sometimes low," turning thousands of times, young like a newborn world.