Today is Valentine's Day. The sugar content of the circle of friends is very high, and most of the people who have love are sharing the joy brought by love.
But what I want to talk about more today is,
What if a person doesn't have love? What if one lived a lifetime?
The reason is that I watched a "985 blind date" on the Internet, which happened in Japan.
A 32-year-old female surgeon who is excellent, attends the University of Tokyo and has excellent business. But what has bothered her most lately is the fear that she will face the fate of living her life alone.
From her expression, you can see her crampedness, and you can also see that she is really afraid,
"It seems that I have not cultivated feelings for others until now,
I was afraid that I would die without experiencing marriage and children. ”
I believe that many women can empathize with this. She is afraid of losing some kind of life possibility and experience, even if it may not be better.
She was more afraid of falling into some kind of "doomed" life situation.
Just like the female writer Junko Sakai writes about her own experience of being ridiculed,
"Beautiful and capable woman,
As long as you are single and childless after 30 years old, you are a defeated dog. ”
It is also like how often we hear a group of people with "sympathetic" eyes on a group of women, arbitrarily throwing out various sentences,
No matter how much money you earn, no matter how good your job is, if you don't get married, it's all in vain, "like a non-sound person." ”
Don't underestimate the interference of these sounds on women's choices.
When it strikes you intensely, swiftly, endlessly, you do have doubts at certain moments:
Is this really the case?
Today I want to try to give you some answers.
My colleagues and I looked for samples of women's lives, who either lived alone for the rest of their lives or spent most of their lives alone. They have had love and they have lost it. I have invested in love, but I have also been frustrated.
The following is a "proverb of love" from their life experiences.
If you are also confused about love at this moment, I hope it will inspire you.
They gave an answer:
Love does not solve loneliness.
In that "985 blind date", there was a detail that I remembered, the host encouraged the female doctor,
"You are also immune to loneliness,
Focus on life so far,
I don't think it's an unfortunate life. ”
The term "immune to loneliness" is interesting. Loneliness is like a virus, we produce antibodies, it can no longer disturb your mood.
But before that, you have a long way to go.
Chizuru Ueno, a 74-year-old female professor at the University of Tokyo, has always been single.
The young girls asked her with concern what she could do if she grew old alone.
Chizuru Ueno said that anyone who lives a long life will eventually become a person.
Needless to say, loneliness is a necessary subject. More importantly:
"People don't fall in love because they're lonely.
It is through love,
In order to sincerely appreciate what is 'loneliness that others can't solve at all',
It seems that you have not yet understood that 'the few encounters are as bright as the stars in the night'.
What does this sentence mean? ”
Yes, love does not eliminate loneliness,
Instead, it will remind you that there is always loneliness that you have to face alone.
Here I would also like to share a sentence from Zhang Jie, a female writer who just died,
"Believe it or not, 'alone' is a treat.
Maybe you don't feel it now, but one day you will find that it is a treat.
I said that 'enjoyment' needs to be learned. ”
Writer Zhang Jie
Zhang Jie experienced a disappointing marriage and later lived alone.
She wrote about a wonderful Christmas Eve alone in "My Graceful Night".
"On the table with flowers,
Juxtaposed with three bottles of wine,
And there are so many that I like alone,
Without having to consider the tastes of others, the food is waiting for me to enjoy.
Who's to say that a 'solo' Christmas dinner isn't perfect? ”
They showed one possibility:
Living alone does not mean rejecting love.
And the most exciting thing is that you will find that
In the end, it is precisely those who can enjoy love who are often frustrated in love, but they are always optimistic about love.
Who would have thought that this was a love poem written by a 98-year-old man?
"Even if you're 98 years old,
I'm going to be in love, too.
And dream,
I also want to ride on the clouds in the sky. ”
Poet ToyoShibata
To be sure, the older you get, the more you will disenchant your love.
When we are young, what we chase is always a love that avoids pain.
Let me laugh more than tears, let me never experience betrayal, let me never regret it, let my love never fail.
But time will tell you:
Love does not promise to shield pain.
One of the female picture book writers I admire the most, Yoko Sano, has a vigorous personality and a fierce love.
Loved to drive a Jaguar, married twice, divorced twice. Experienced domestic violence and betrayal.
In her later years, she would say that the wedding was more unbearable than attending the funeral.
As if she had watched many "love tragedies" with cold eyes, when the wedding march sounded, when the sweet lovers joined hands to cut the cake, she actually gave birth to a kind of sadness:
"It is the pinnacle of love,
It is also the moment when the smile of a lifetime is released. ”
It sounds pessimistic and sighing, but look at Yoko Sano's choices:
"Even if the beautiful memories fall apart, I will marry the person I love the most."
At the age of 70, she had cancer because the attending doctor was super handsome, like star Abe Hiroshi. During the consultation, she will definitely wear beautiful new clothes,
"70-year-old ladies also like good men, no problem, right?"
Yoko Sano, writer of Kashimoto
She loves to watch Korean dramas, bought a bunch of DVDs, cried with The handsome boy Bae Yongjun of "Winter Love", and bought a bunch of beautiful pajamas.
She still has good hopes for love.
The strongest evidence is her heirloom work, The Cat That Lived 1 Million Times.
There is only one story told in it, loving passionately, and life is enough, enough, enough for you to be willing when you die.
Readers' evaluation of "The Cat That Lived 1 Million Times"
I would also like to share with you an old man who confessed at the age of 96.
She is a Japanese photographer Tsunade Sasamoto. She went through two marriages and lived alone for many years. At the age of 86, he traveled in France, met a sculptor, moved his heart, and maintained correspondence for 10 years.
At the age of 96, Christmas, she decided to confess —
The card reads "I LOVE YOU".
Tsuneko Sasamoto
The story has an unforgettable ending:
The person she loved died after the letter was sent. I don't know if I have seen this love.
But what struck me the most was —.
A 96-year-old man's courage to love,
And can also enjoy the surprise of loving someone with a pounding heart.
Perhaps reality reminds you that true love is hard to live on forever.
But these women will tell you:
Whoever is always optimistic about love can enjoy love forever.
With their tortuous but rich experiences, they repeatedly consolidate a truth to you:
Women must have enough "road confidence".
Truth be told, society doesn't welcome women with many options.
With each additional option, a tidal wave of noise comes pouring in.
But you have to be sober enough, confident enough.
When others ask you whether it is a sacrifice not to have children for the sake of what you like, you have to answer decisively —
"There is no sacrifice."
Yang Liping, a 63-year-old dancer, was asked if it was bad for a child to inherit a career? Did you make a big sacrifice?
She was decisive:
Don't use such a tragic word as "sacrifice".
Doing what you love is a blessing and a blessing.
When others ask you whether a person living a lifetime is full of regrets, you must answer decisively -
"I don't regret it."
The quote comes from 65-year-old architect Zaha Hadid, one of the world's greatest female architects. She designed Daxing Airport.
"I've never objected (to having a partner, kids),
It's just that I didn't let it happen.
I'm very egotistical, I don't know how other people are, but I'll be cut apart by these two worlds.
I had to keep focusing on the building, it took too much time.
Otherwise, you can't do it well. ”
Finally, I would like to share with you a single woman I admire, the artist Qu Jiarui.
On the first day of the 55-year-old, she sent a Weibo post, looking back at her life path -
Having been close to marriage, but not wanting, let go (let go) the opportunity to settle.
Having paid the price, he often ate the pot alone at night, from embarrassment to ease.
She has been inferior, she has been ridiculed, she has been suspected,
But at this moment, 55-year-old Qu Jiarui wrote this sentence with a clear conscience:
"Along the way, I haven't changed much.
I have never regretted the decisions I made.
Every emotional input has not been less than given.
I didn't let my 15-year-old self down. ”
Back to the problem that the female doctor faced in the beginning —
What is an unfortunate life?
I guess the answer should be:
Forced to feel inferior in the life of their choice,
That is unfortunate.
Written by: Dawn Star
Internship: Gray
Editor-in-Charge: Tintin
Some of the Japanese translations of the video are from @crayon oil—Rabbyui
Vespers Hours:
Some questions are not mandatory for women.
There are some options that should have multiple options for women.
Like the one who has been single all his life,
Architect Zaha Hadid, who has achieved the ultimate in architecture,
It will be remembered like this:
"A planet in her own inimitable orbit."
"A planet with its own unique orbit."
Just choose to obey the will of the heart,
Be upright and confident!