Thinking Methods – Four principles, eight steps, blending different ideas

Living in this world, everyone will live according to their own ideas, but we do not live on the earth independently, and it is inevitable that we will have to contact others and discuss things together. Often when disagreements with others are when deciding on a matter together, the two sides may disagree, express their own views, and even sometimes disagree with each other.

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How can we agree with others in the face of work and life, and both sides can meet their own needs and rejoice?

I think this is a problem that we have to solve all our lives, and today I will interpret my views on this matter by combining the cases and personal experiences that have occurred around me.

When we discuss problems with colleagues, family members or business partners to make decisions, everyone will habitually bias the direction of decision-making to their own advantages, and the contradictions between the two sides will arise.

Therefore, no matter who we decide a matter with, first of all, the two sides must reach a four-point consensus before making a decision:

1. The decision-making results should be win-win;

2. Non-principle issues can be appropriately compromised;

3. Consultation and resolution of principle issues;

4. Think from the perspective of the other party.

With these four points as a guide for decision-making, it is equivalent to having the scale and standard for dealing with problems, and can better measure and solve problems.

The principles of decision-making were determined, and the next step was to explore how we could resolve our differences and better achieve a mutually satisfactory outcome.

Before sharing the methodology, let's look at a case study:

Kobayashi and Xiaoxin are husband and wife, and recently they have a disagreement over one thing, and both sides have their own opinions and do not give in to each other.

Kobayashi makes friends, and friends sometimes come to kobayashi's city to play, and kobayashi leaves his friends at home. And his wife Xiaoxin believes that home is a safe haven, the most free place for individuals, inviolable, it is best not to let outsiders live at home, if friends come to give friends to live in the hotel.

Kobayashi believes that letting a friend live at home can save him some money to entertain a friend, while Kobayashi believes that a friend's stay at home violates personal privacy, and the two disagree over different views.

From this case, we can see that, first of all, to solve the differences between the husband and wife, both sides must be satisfied; secondly, Kobayashi believes that entertaining friends at home can save money, which is not a matter of principle, and it is also okay to let friends live in a hotel. And Xiaoxin values personal privacy and not being disturbed by others, for Xiaoxin, friends living at home is intolerable. Kobayashi values face, while Koshin values the privacy of her personal life without being disturbed by others.

In summary, the two sides in the process of communication and consultation each take a step back, the relatives of both sides can live at home, while friends can open a hotel to live.

When disagreeing with others about something, it is important to first understand the real demands of the other party, and there are eight steps to resolve contradictions and conflicts:

First, truly express your needs. Express the bad feelings about yourself in this matter, let the other party know his own thoughts, and hope that the other party will negotiate a solution together. Use declarative language and less accusatory language in communication. Do not put pressure on the other party to make the other party aware of the impact this has on both sides.

Second, the two sides met each other frankly and expressed their own views. Speak out the true feelings in your heart, do not hide your feelings, express your views on this matter, and use a deliberative tone to negotiate.

Third, find the contradiction points for evaluation. Which side's point of view illustrates the hidden dangers of greater harm to the family, and what concessions should be made to balance the family conflicts.

Fourth, find out the contradictions between the principle and non-principle issues. Whichever the two sides do not give in to is a matter of principle and which is a non-principled issue. The non-principled party can make compromises and concessions. If the contradictions between the two people are both principled issues, it is necessary to consider merging the principle issues to realize the idea together, or one party to make appropriate compromises and concessions.

Fifth, the problem of not understanding is communicated repeatedly until the other party understands. Perhaps when one party convinces the other party, it may be that the other party cannot turn the corner, does not understand the meaning of the other party, and needs to communicate repeatedly and analyze the problem in depth, so that the other party can understand the intentions and ideas of the other party and finally reach a consensus.

Sixth, in practice, the consensus reached by both sides should be tempered. Even the best ideas need to be put into practice, through which we can see whether the ideas are realistic and which need to be adjusted and improved, so as to establish the right family rules or cooperation standards.

Seventh, the wrong party makes changes, and the right party guides positively. After the run-in and communication between the two sides, the wrong party recognizes its mistakes and corrects the mistakes into action.

Eighth, learn from each other's strengths and complement each other's weaknesses, and integrate concepts. In the family, follow the principles, deal with problems, and reach a tacit understanding with each other when encountering things in the future, learn to think about problems from each other's point of view, and even difficult problems can be solved. If it is a cooperative relationship between the two sides, it is necessary to formulate the principle into a contract standard, strictly implement it, operate together with both sides, be honest with each other, and make the business cake bigger and bigger.

We may think that the most difficult thing in this world is to change a person's concept, can the concept change quickly? I think that all changes lie in having good communication, letting the other party understand your ideas in communication, and truly understanding the other party's demands, combining actual needs, and reasonably meeting each other's demands.

The wisdom of life is accumulated bit by bit every day, we can experience the bittersweet and bittersweet that life brings us at each stage of life, when we are mature enough, we can accept and integrate the wisdom of others, we will grow faster.

A growth-oriented life means that we must maintain the rhythm of growth throughout our lives, live to be old, learn from the old, and still be transparent, open-minded, and wise when the flower is a hundred years old.

I am not confused with Qinglian - recommend reading good books, lifelong reading, lifelong writing, continuous growth, and self-worth.