For the New Year, I talk to my friends who work at the marriage registry.
She told me that at the end of the year, there was another wave of people who were going to divorce.
It's really not about feeling.
Data show that the number of divorces handled after the Spring Festival is twice as high as usual. People's Daily also reported that among the cases accepted by the court around the Spring Festival, "divorce proceedings accounted for nearly 70%. ”
Not surprisingly.
Those shaky marriages should have ended long ago.
It's just the Happy Spring Festival of Ten Thousand Families, the days full of lively atmosphere, the more men and women who are hurt by marriage, the more they can feel the loneliness of a pool of stagnant water in their hearts, it is so real.
The urge to escape from real life is stronger than in the mundane days of the past.
Complete self
More important than a complete home
When it comes to marriage, most people have an obsession.
They regard commitment to their partners, their children, and their parents as more important than being responsible for their own lives.
Even if a few people have objections, they are often wrapped up in the opinions of the majority and pushed all the way to the immobile situation of life.
I have a friend who is from the same department in college and stayed in Guangzhou to work hard after graduation.
Many years ago (about 14 or 15 years ago), we met in front of a clothing store on Tiyu West Road and made an appointment to have coffee.
Halfway through, she suddenly told me that she was considering divorce recently.
I was a little surprised. Because from her state, I don't see too many traces of being tortured by marriage.
Her hair was no bigger than it used to be, and fine lines climbed up her cheeks, but she was still so talkative, and her eyes still retained the sharpness of not accepting defeat in college.
It feels like a career and life have been going well, but you've suffered a little bit of a small setback in your marriage.
I didn't pay much attention to it, and I didn't ask why. When we broke up on the side of the road, I laughed and said," I said, "Divorce and re-appointment." ”
Unfortunately, she didn't leave.
Everyone was upset with her, but on Bao Da (marriage) or Bao Xiao (her), everyone stood opposite her.
Her father came to guangzhou to see her, saying that her mother was at home wiping tears all day and crying and swollen her eyes. "Your mother firmly disagreed with your divorce, and she kept saying that the widow of the king in the town had a miserable life all these years."
She went to ask her boss.
Her boss is in his early 40s and has been in many relationships but has never been married.
Friends saw her as a role model for independent women, but her boss advised her not to divorce: "You are not like I am alone, do you know how bitter it is to have a child alone?" ”
No one knew her bitterness.
As if divorce is a stain on her life, preventing her from divorcing is the greatest salvation for her life.
Later, she herself hesitated.
The divorce was shelved, and the days that followed were many years.
She was a circle older than she had been, busy with work, obsessed with her children's education, trying to prove herself in front of the person she didn't love; but not, to make herself really happy.
What is more heart-wrenching is that in the year of the epidemic, she was "optimized" by the company. Her position was replaced by a more cost-effective newcomer.
From the mouths of other colleagues, she learned that her boss advised her not to divorce that year, and more importantly, she was afraid that she would be distracted by too many children, which would affect the efficiency of work.
Only then did she realize that the complete self was more important than the complete home.
Marriage is a siege.
Until the fire actually burned, no one knew what was going on inside.
Blindly listening to others is not too kind, but too stupid.
Times have changed
Marriage is also changing
The last time I saw a news, the four major first-line north, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and shenzhen distances climbed year by year, reaching more than 40%.
In other words, for every ten couples who register for marriage, four pairs of old love divorce ends.
Some people say that people's hearts have changed.
Let me say that times have changed.
I remember when I was a child, my father was out running for the family's livelihood, and his clothes often scratched a hole accidentally. My mother would always work overtime at night to help him sew under the lamp.
Early tomorrow morning, my father would get up and get dressed and leave.
But where is this today?
Whether it's clothes, shoes, or something, once it's broken, people will just think of getting a new one. No more thought, tinkering and making it up.
The same is true of marriage today. The right thing to be together, the right thing to pack up and break up.
I know that there is a hot question: why is it that now, it is becoming more and more tasteless?
What is The Taste of the Year?
In the final analysis, the Spring Festival is the product of an agrarian society. It was a big family that got together to talk about last year's harvest and about this year's solar terms, plans and outlook.
Just like the current enterprise, the annual meeting at the end of the year to eat.
Why is the taste of the year fading now?
Because with the progress of the times, the smallest unit of social economy has changed from the initial family to the later family, and then to the individual.
This change is almost in sync with the urbanization process of our country.
You know, in an agrarian society, there is no concept of "private property." There is a certain treasure in the house, not called "mine", but "our family".
When you go to Beijing to catch the exam, you also need the big parents in the family to prepare dry food and travel expenses for you. At that time, the only people who had private property were women, the main house and the concubine room, and they could have "private money".
Therefore, in the past, people's fate was deeply bound to the family.
The happiness of the individual depends on the prosperity of the family; the tragedy of the family is also destined to fall on everyone's head.
But fortunately, we finally got out of this cycle.
When the light of industrial civilization shines into human society, we are no longer dependent on land and family life, and thus have more life choices.
Nowadays, more and more people choose to divorce instead of holding on to the face of their children's house, which I think is the embodiment of social progress and civilization.
I would like to say that now that the state encourages marriage and childbearing, I think it is better to start from "encouraging divorce".
Marriage should be voluntary, divorce should be free.
Only when the cost of divorce really comes down and people no longer treat divorce as a stain on their lives, will the men and women who linger outside the door of marriage take the important but unnecessary step in their lives.
Write at the end
When people reach middle age, they are most afraid of the New Year.
At the end of the day, people are afraid to face the ultimate question of "how is work, how is marriage, how are children?"
But the above three, compared to love, hope, happiness, and freedom, are actually not called, and they are the necessities of life.
You should have your own answer to life, whether life is happy or not, it has nothing to do with marriage.
I've always believed that some pain can make people grow.
And the difference is one of them.
Our maturity and growth are always accompanied by the departure of our closest relatives, from grandparents and grandmothers, to fathers and mothers, to brothers and close friends...
From another perspective, accepting the life and death of love and saying goodbye to a marriage that runs out of oil is also a kind of bravery that deserves praise.
Life is lived by oneself, not for others.
When two people got married, they wanted to live; in the end, two people divorced in order to live well.