1、
On the first day of work during the Spring Festival holiday, I chatted with the birds.
She said I was unhappy and felt more uneasy and lonely than ever. I especially don't like this state.
I asked, what's wrong with you, do you have holiday syndrome?
No, Old Deng is going to sea again tomorrow, this time on the Pacific route, about ten months. She was depressed.
The sparrow is my girlfriend, and we can share all kinds of little secrets.
She is an optimistic, independent, and courageous girl. Old Deng was her boyfriend and was theoretically supposed to be her fiancé.
Old Deng was a seafarer, three hundred and sixty-five days a year, almost two hundred days adrift on the vast sea. Last summer, Old Deng took a long vacation and said that he wanted to rest for a while and accompany the birds.
The birds were happy for many days.
The two men went to the lake to bask in the sun when the weather was clear, fished and drank a large cup of boiling water made from wild chrysanthemums.
Watch movies hand in hand, go to the flower market to buy pots of green lotuses, hanging orchids, and place them on the balcony where winter is warm and summer is cool.
Go to the supermarket to buy ingredients to make leek egg pie and chestnut tarts that Old Deng likes to eat...
When Old Deng was there, the birds usually didn't come out to accompany me to drink tea and chat and go shopping on weekends. She accompanied him wholeheartedly.
Once again she was accustomed to his presence, but once again he was leaving.
People are social animals and are afraid of sudden loneliness.
The bird said that when old Deng left, I would raise a kitten or a puppy to accompany me.
I said, you better have more plants, you have kittens and puppies, you have to take care of it, in case you die you will be very sad.
Maybe only people like me who have been lazy for a long time and are afraid to give will think so.
The bird said, it doesn't matter, anyway, everything exists in case, I just don't want to face the empty house alone, I want to find a breathing companion.
When are you going to get married? I asked,
Wait for old Deng to come back from this sea, and when we come back, we will get married. She said.
At the end, the bird said, in fact, the people who were left behind were the loneliest, and they had to stand in the same place and wait quietly.
Then he squeezed out a smile for me, and that smile was like the hazy sun hiding in the haze of winter.
I was suddenly very sad about the thin girl in front of me.
How much courage it takes to face a long separation again and again, and an exotic love that is not guaranteed even for three days a phone call.
Also maintain an elegant and upward posture in the days of waiting.
2、
Once at noon on the weekend, I had a dream, in the dream my mother was cooking in the kitchen, making my favorite Coke chicken wings, my sister was chatting with my father in the courtyard about her final exam results, only to hear a knock at the door, my mother called me, Mo'er, Comrade Xiao Wang arrived, hurry up and get up.....
I searched for a strong sweet smell, wondering if I should wear a long black dress, or a beige cotton shirt and jeans.
Then I woke up, and the sunlight hit the sheets of white flowers through the glass window, on the red sweater scattered around the bed, and I lay in a daze for a long time before I suddenly realized, Oh, who is there in the house, in this city, only myself.
Maybe this is loneliness, suddenly woke up in the afternoon, and found that there was not even a person around to talk.
Honestly speaking, what I hate most every year is that I have just come to work after the Spring Festival holiday. Because, I'm a person who spends a lot of time alone.
Except for working hours, almost all of them are alone. But when I was alone, I tried to adjust my state many times, I could watch movies, read books, write, exercise, draw. . . . find all kinds of things to do.
So loneliness doesn't come to my house very often.
But the Spring Festival holiday broke the rhythm of my life, I was with my family and friends every day, lively and lively, and I didn't feel lonely. Days that feel good and relaxed always pass quickly, sneaking away from between your fingers.
When I go to work, Mr. Wang always stays with me for a few days, and when I am settled, he will leave.
At this time, I was pinching the days to pass, I did not want to let him go, but he had his own work to deal with, must go back.
After he left, I began to feel very lost and empty in my heart.
The strong courage accumulated over a long time, like a balloon, after experiencing a beautiful time of liveliness and noise, exploded with a bang. Loneliness drowned me silently.
Then you need to inhale and exhale, and regain the strength to fill another balloon.
People like me, who are introverted, slow and hot, and not used to expressing their inner feelings in words, often need to hide in their own safe space for a few days to adjust in order to sort out their mood and start again.
3、
Yesterday on QQ, Sparrow told me that she had found a part-time job.
She had a friend who went to Florence and worked half time. Busy, no time to take care of the online store. So she took over to help run the online store.
It was a fabric curtain website, the first page was a blue Mediterranean style bedroom, simple light gray fishing floor lamps, large floor-to-ceiling windows hung with blue-gray lattice curtains, the upper left of the picture has a shallow sunlight coming out.
Quezi said that there are installation masters and customer service in the store, and she is responsible for the replacement, color matching, and design and layout of the home page.
I said, you're great at taking pictures, but can you design web design?
She said, it doesn't matter, POTOSHOP I can still do, I have always been very interested in as long as the elements related to design, so I have decided to follow the video to learn Dreamweave and Flash, I want to make my life more fun and colorful.
After the last time Old Deng went to sea, Bird followed David to learn photography, she is smart and studious, delicate in her mind, and often captures some touching shots.
Later, she also participated in the company's photography exhibition, and her entry was "Stay", and she went to rizhao beach to sketch photos taken.
The endless sea and the light blue sky are one after another, the waves happily lapping at the vicissitudes of the reef, a small boat with red and blue stripes tied to the shore, it quietly looks at the rough sea, tirelessly, the paint on the hull of the ship is peeling off mottled...
He also won the second prize.
From this picture, I read the loneliness of the boat and the thoughts of the finches.
The interest in photography has not been lost since it was cultivated.
Last time, after Old Deng went to sea, The Bird signed up for a dance class and followed the teacher to learn exactly and Latin dance. Half a year later, I lost five kilograms.
Looking at her slender waist, I once again gritted my teeth and resolved to lose weight.
Of course, during this period, she also enrolled in an adult elective course in advertising design, and became familiar with PS and AI. And from a media company clerk successfully jumped to a listed real estate company as a planner, mainly responsible for advertising promotion work.
Annual salaries have more than tripled.
Sparrow said that people like me who don't want to make progress, every time I make up my mind to change myself, it's always when I'm at my loneliest. I hate this state of loneliness, and loneliness is accompanied by uneasiness that stung my heart.
Therefore, it is urgent to change this state through its own strength.
On the contrary, after Every time Old Deng went to sea, when no one accompanied me, I hurried to find something to do, not too deserted. I want to fill my life so that every day is colorful.
I think that when Old Deng returns, the big white cat of the bird can witness a beautiful wedding in the warm winter sun.
4、
I am, a lazy patient with advanced cancer.
When Mr. Wang accompanied me, I only needed to go to work every day and didn't have to worry about anything else.
I don't learn to cook, anyway someone does,
I don't learn to drive, anyway someone sent,
I don't tidy up the room, anyway someone tidys up,
I don't move heavy objects, anyway, someone comes to move,
I don't pay the property fee, the water bill, the electricity bill, anyway someone pays,
I don't go to pick up the courier, anyway someone took it.......
But at least two hundred days a year belong to me.
Well, you always have to live by yourself.
Therefore, whenever you don't want to eat dinner outside after work, then make something yourself, you know your stomach best.
After eating, when no one talks to me, I will find some books that I like to read.
Ugly people should read more, people stupid should read more, and lazy people should read more. Then I am ugly and stupid and lazy, then there is no reason not to read more.
Fortunately, I also have an interest, which is to write. Since writing in the jane book last May, I have received some positive reviews and likes, and I am very happy.
I found that writing is a happy thing, and then I found that loneliness is gradually fading away, and being alone can also be a happy thing.
This year is the third year that Mr. Wang has gone to work in another city. Gradually, I learned to do a lot of things, and I also learned to cook my own food, raise my own plants, drive myself to vacation in unfamiliar places, learn to manage my time, and gradually treat my lazy cancer...
Thinking about it this way, I also have gains and growth. At least grow faster than when two people are together.
Some people say that companionship is the best gift, but those of us who have no gifts must also learn to give gifts to ourselves.
I am grateful for every lonely time, for the time I have been toddlering in those times.
Loneliness is to give us time to think about ourselves, and in a person's day, there is only one thing we have to do, to make ourselves excellent.
After drying this bowl of chicken soup, tomorrow is another good day.