Famous and famous families in history, or families with many talents, have this success code

The family is not only the place where the individual's life grows, but also the natural link between the individual and the society and the state. Throughout the ancient and modern times, the famous and prestigious families in history, or the families with talents, the code for their success is nothing more than the family style. Their good family style, without exception, pays attention to the cultivation of the moral literacy, cultural upbringing, ability to deal with affairs and feelings of home and country for their families and children.

The first is to combine standing up with the world.

The cultivation of a good family style is the first to establish oneself and deal with the world, including three aspects: becoming virtuous and nurturing, reading and reasoning, and abstaining from luxury and greed.

In terms of the cultivation of virtue, the theoretical basis of the "Yan Family Training" is that "less is like nature, habit is like nature", and Yan Zhitui's view is valued by future generations. Wang Fuzhi of the late Ming and early Qing dynasties, after entering the Qing Dynasty, did not relax his family style in the turbulent and displaced environment, and his "Shizi Nephew" first re-established himself and lived in the world: "The beginning of determination, in getting rid of habits... Reading with it is the meaning of the ancients. Stand with it, and stand on the ground. With the deeds of the relatives, the cultivation of the only will. It is only right to make friends with it. In addition, there are also the "Fourteen Precepts of the Family", which requires children to stand up with virtue and learn to stand up. Wang Fuzhi's eldest brother Wang Jiezhi also has the "Naiyuan Family Training". He himself "boiled millet, paid a hammer, and crowned with quail for more than forty years", hoping that through the joint efforts of himself and his descendants, he would change the popular floating atmosphere with good habits. Such a family style has a far-reaching influence, and their descendants are still famous in the countryside until the end of the Qing Dynasty.

"Yan's Family Training", pushed by the famous scholar Yan Zhi during the Southern and Northern Dynasties, is a summary of the author's experience in standing up, governing the family, handling affairs, and learning, and enjoys the reputation of "ancient and modern family training, with this as the ancestor".

If it is said that the cultivation of virtue is the core of the family style, then reading is the key to standing up, and there are the most such stories and poems in history, such as mengmu's broken godson, the emperor's 20th year of diligent study, hanging beam thorn stocks, Yingxue jufluorescence and other historical allusions, as well as "everything is inferior, only reading high" "the scrolls are amorous like the old man, and the morning and evening sorrow and happiness are every blind date" and other famous poems are concerned about this.

The indispensable thing to stand in the world is to abstain from extravagance and greed, which is a common feature of many good family styles in history. Throughout ancient and modern times, many people of insight have asked their families and children to be frugal and honest, to cherish the blessings of the whole body, and not to cling to the rich and the poor. For example, Bao Zheng's "pure heart is the root cause, and the straight way is the body plot", Huang Tingjian's "collection of ten thousand volumes can teach children, and the relics of gold are often disasters", Lu Jiuyuan's "the rise of the people is replaced, in the righteousness is not rich", Chen Tingjing "by sending the surnames of the sons of the Wuzong Sect, the poverty is the first to seek officials", etc., they not only faithfully practice the concept of honesty and self-discipline in their own lives, but also hope that their family members and children can maintain a clean family style.

The second is the combination of filial piety and the choice of friends.

Respecting ancestors and loving relatives, fatherly kindness and filial piety, brotherly harmony, husband and wife are different, and friends have faith, this is the ethical relationship advocated by the Confucian Wulun. From the beginning, the traditional Chinese family style paid attention to the cultivation and indoctrination of filial piety and human morality, and it is said in the "Spring and Autumn of the Lü Family": "Parents are also to the son, and the son is also to the parents, one and two, the same breath and different breath." If the grass is reckless, if the tree has a root heart, although it is different and connected, the hidden aspirations are connected, the pain and illness are saved, the sorrows are feeling each other, the birth is happy, and the death is mournful, which is called the flesh and blood. "As children, if we cannot really fulfill our responsibilities to the parents who give birth to ourselves, how can we be devoted to other people and other things? Ye Mengde pointed out in the "Shilin Family Training", "Loyal subjects will come out of the door of filial piety." The ancients believed that only filial piety and family style could cultivate the talents of the community who contributed to the country. Parents must first set an example, Yan Zhitui calls the role of parents and other teachings "weathering", "Yan Family Training" Yun: "Husbands are weathered, from the top to the bottom, from the first to the latter also." If the father is not kind, the son is not filial, the brother is not friendly, the brother is not respectful, and if the husband is unrighteous, the woman is not smooth. ”

Rigorous family style can not only cultivate people's feelings, but also cultivate people's reverence. Yan Zhitui asked the family to teach the baby when he could recognize other people's faces and understand other people's moods and angers. He said: "If the parents are majestic and kind, the children are afraid and filial piety." He also used "eighteen or nineteen years old, little knowledge, habit as nature, and difficult to wash away" as a negative example to warn his descendants of the harm of filial piety and late giving, and urged his descendants to sharpen their moral conduct as soon as possible.

Zeng Zi said: "The dwelling place is not solemn, not filial piety; the matter is disloyal, not filial piety; the officials are disrespectful, not filial piety; friends do not believe, not filial piety; Zhan Chen wuyong, not filial piety." "Filial piety is not limited to the inside of the family, when going out, the meaning of filial piety is transformed into loyalty, respect, faith, friendship, courage and other virtues. As the folk say, rely on parents at home and rely on friends when you go out. As a community animal, people cannot do without friends when they go out to study and travel to the sea. Confucius said, "There are three friends for the beneficiaries and three friends for the losers." Friendly straight, friendly forgiveness, friendly smell, beneficial. Friendly and gentle, friendly and gentle, friendly and gentle, damaged. Zeng Zi also said: "A gentleman should be careful where he goes." Swim with gentlemen, such as long days plus benefits, without self-knowledge also; with villains, such as walking on thin ice, each foot down, geometric without getting stuck! Zeng Guofan even said to his disciples: "The success or failure of a lifetime is related to the merits of friends." With mentors and good friends, the long river of life is like having two levees, regulating a person, not to be debauched, not to be unscrupulous.

The third is the combination of family fortune and national luck.

Family fortune and national fortune are one since ancient times, predecessors have long realized that the Qi family and the governance of the country and the world are equally important, most of the good family style is to put the family fortune under the national fortune, in the family education will be closely combined with the national fortune, consciously recognize the "the origin of the world in the country, the foundation of the country at home, the foundation of the family in the body" Confucian concept.

"I Ching Family Gua": "The right family and the world is determined." "Those officials who have the world in mind and are eager to make meritorious achievements have admonished their families and children to take the world as their own responsibility and the people's livelihood as the most important." For example, Jinhua Hu's family motto proposes that "for officials, we should put our country first, and loyalty, filial piety, benevolence, and righteousness as the highest"; Wang Shizhen asked his children to "live up to the people is not to live up to the country, and if they do not live up to the country, they will not live up to what they have learned"; Lin Zexu proposed that "if the country lives and dies, it is better to avoid the trend because of misfortune and happiness"; Liang Qichao said to the children: "People must really have patriotism, and then they can use big things", all of which is to inject a kind of responsibility for the country into the family style tutoring.

Historically, rulers have also seen the important role of family style tutoring in cultivating the idea of loyalty and patriotism and solving the problems of grass-roots governance, and vigorously advocated and commended good family style. For example, the rare magical family in history, the Yimen Chen clan of Jiangzhou, from 731 onwards, this family has continued the history of 332 years without separation of families, and the number of family members living together has reached more than 3900, and they have been favored and watched by the Tang and Song dynasties many times.

In the villages below the ancient county level, clan rules and people's covenants, family style and family training can effectively resolve disputes and contradictions and maintain local stability. In the integrated governance path from the family to the state, ethics to politics, the family is an important place for the ruler to implement indoctrination, and the cultivation of a good family style can achieve effective governance of the grass-roots society.

(The author is a professor at the Changsha Campus of the Party School of the State Administration of Taxation of the Communist Party of China)