I like a saying: "Choose those who are good and follow them, and choose those who are not good and stay away." ”
A person who thinks that the better he is mixed, he must follow the right person, do the right thing, go the right way, and when he encounters bad people and bad things, he will put away his kindness.
Excessive kindness means abandoning one's own responsibility field, but planting someone else's land. The abomination is that people who have benefited do not know how to be grateful.
In life, when encountering the following five kinds of "busy", no matter how kind you are, don't help, it is really not a favor.
01
Don't be reckless: go beyond your own reach and help others.
During the Warring States period, the Qin army attacked the Zhao state, and the veteran general Lian Po commanded with moderation and heroic resistance, and the Qin army was difficult to win.
How to defeat Zhao Jun? The ministers of the State of Qin had a plan in mind-to let Lian Po step down and let Zhao Kuo, the son of King Zhao, take his place.
Soon, the Zhao state was full of rumors that "the Qin army is most afraid of General Zhao Kuo."
Zhao Kuo usually likes to brag, talk on paper, and seem to be smarter than anyone. King Zhao believed that the rumors were reasonable, and after some thought, Lian Po gave way and Zhao Kuo took over.
In this place of Changping, the two armies were opposed, and Zhao Kuo read the military books while adjusting the layout, making the mistake of dogmatism, resulting in the annihilation of more than 400,000 troops.
The mistake of being strong and capable is not uncommon. You can't be a "Zhao Kuo", you must insist on being humble and know how to act according to your ability.
The ancients said: "Only with reverence can we stop doing something." ”
If you can't do it, don't promise to do it. Your courage to be unyielding is actually the beginning of "harming others and harming yourself".
When doing business, you promise to help, but if you can't do it, you lose credit; you help your friends to do things, because the effect is not good, but you are ridiculed by your friends, and your friendship is lost... Any good deed, be faithful, don't agree casually, and avoid catching ducks on the shelves.
02
Don't help it: helping a person and hurting a person at the same time is stupid to help.
If you help, then you are an accomplice, and you have to bear half of the mistakes of your friends. From another point of view, those who are stolen, become victims, they will live a very painful life.
The two get divorced, you help one of them say nice things, and you encourage him to divorce. If their marriage fails, does it hurt the family? Their children, who become children of single-parent families, will not end well.
On the road, when you encounter an old man blackmailing a young man, you don't know it, thinking that the old man has suffered a loss. Your actions will make people around you spit.
Kindness to the wrong person is more terrible than refusing to help.
Everything, be clear about the context, and abide by moral laws. Do something, do something, can not bring negative energy because of people's feelings and habitual thinking.
03
Don't sway others: help others make decisions, and if you miss it, you will hate it for thousands of years.
Many years ago, a classmate asked me, is it better to be a civil servant or to go to a company?
The classmate was admitted to the civil service, and was also favored by a large enterprise, leaving a middle-level management position for him.
I think that young people should break through, don't live too comfortably, and enterprises should be more suitable; but enterprises are not stable enough, in case the benefits are not good, wages and bonuses will be reduced, and there is also the possibility of unemployment.
After thinking about it for a while, I realized that I couldn't help my classmates' decisions. I can't use my own ideas to influence his life events.
Socrates said, "Whoever wants to influence the world must first be able to influence himself." ”
A person with real great wisdom, when he encounters things, will have his own opinion. People who repeatedly ask others "what to do" are not confident enough and have no goals. If you help him, if the ending is not satisfactory, it is all your fault.
The most infuriating thing is that the left and right are not satisfied, and any kind of result is not accepted.
04
Don't borrow money at will: borrow money, splash out the water, meet lao Lai, ask for trouble.
There is such a sentence on the Internet: "Borrow money to pretend to be a grandson, and pay back money to install a grandfather." ”
If the other party is not in a particularly good relationship and has a reliable reputation, you should not lend him money. What is lent out is money, which brings not gratitude, but annoyance.
A few years ago, I borrowed a thousand yuan to my classmate Xiao Li, who has not returned it. At the end of last year, he brought several boxes of oranges from his hometown as a "debt payoff." I couldn't stop crying and laughing.
In order to sell the oranges as quickly as possible, I had to deal with them at a discount. Since then, the classmate relationship has also been discounted.
There are not many old lai who borrow money and do not pay it back, even if they meet one, they are very sad. In order to protect your own interests, you are still cheeky, euphemistically saying "I am poor", covering your pockets, looking at each other's character, and respecting the principle of borrowing money.
05
Don't compromise and seek perfection: Helping people who don't understand gratitude will eventually chill their hearts.
The story of the farmer and the snake makes us understand the nature of the snake and the ignorance of the farmer. When laughing at the farmer, we must reflect on ourselves.
However, when interpersonal communication, there are always times when people cannot be seen clearly. Human nature has a dark side.
Those bad people, instead of writing the word "bad" on their faces, will disguise themselves as poor good people.
Identify the person who will take revenge and then refuse to help: first, to see if he has a previous conviction; second, to see if the people around him are good people; third, to observe whether he has principles in doing things and does not pay attention to rules; fourth, try to refuse once and see how he behaves afterwards.
You don't have to break your heart because of your help. Kindness does not care about the size, cares about warmth, and people should talk about conscience.
06
Conclusion.
Sanmao said: "Don't be afraid to reject others if your own reasons are justified." When a person asks for it, he has two answers in his mind. So, to give him any of these answers is to be expected. ”
When someone asks you for help, he probably has the idea of trying it out, and he doesn't have to do it.
You help others, analyze the specific situation, and don't be kidnapped by the "moral rules you set up". Be a little more indifferent and you'll have a lot less trouble.
I'd rather have no friend than use the above kinds of "help" to please the people around you.
The ancients said, "Don't be poor in the emergency." ”
But no one who is poor is worth helping.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.