My daughter was scolded by her classmates as "ugly", and I only did one thing

Some netizens asked:

Their own babies are always excluded and counted,

My heart was very uncomfortable,

But I don't know how to comfort,

There will also be entanglements:

Do you want to teach your child to go back?

Will it cause the child to be preoccupied with tit-for-tat,

More difficult to socialize?

If you don't go back,

Will the child always feel very hurt,

Growing less confident?

Friend Ah Xi encountered such an incident a few days ago, and her daughter was said to be ugly by her classmates.

After listening to the whole process she said, I thought her method of handling it was very interesting, so I asked her to write it down and share it with everyone. I believe it will give you a lot of reference!

In the morning, while combing her hair, I praised her: my baby is so good-looking, how can there be such a good-looking child - it does not matter whether it is really good-looking, what is important is that a good parent-child relationship is exaggerated.

Unexpectedly, I was not particularly happy, but muttered:

"I don't look good."

"Who said that?"

I pretended to be angry, saying that even such a "rumor" was not enough to believe— but I already knew what was going on.

Sure enough, she brought up the incident again:

"The classmate sitting behind me said."

About half a year ago, my daughter fell off the battery car on the way to school, wiped several wounds on her face, and recuperated at home for more than half a month. But the wound has not yet fully recovered, and there are obvious marks on the place where it has just grown.

After a few days, my daughter came back to me and told my classmates behind me that she looked very good in the back, and turned around and was ugly.

I listened to the heartache and died. But knowing that the child said this was also unintentional, and the marks on her daughter's face were a little special.

The other person is just joking?

Then please be sure to explain it to your child

"Why is it a joke?"

I pretended to be very indifferent: "No, she's joking with you." ”

Of course, the daughter is puzzled:

"Why?"

Children have a mysterious curiosity about the reasons behind everything. Therefore, if the child is dissed parents just comfort and say "people are joking, don't go to the heart", without further explanation, the child will still have questions in his heart: why is it a joke. Communication that does not solve the child's questions is equivalent to nonsense.

And you must give the child a more reasonable and understandable explanation, which is best combined with the child's cognition and environment. During that time, I often heard my daughter talk about some vibrato paragraphs, saying that it was very popular in the class. So I want to try to make children understand from the perspective of "saying paragraphs".

"Because one of the great characteristics of telling jokes is reversal, first this way, and then suddenly the opposite is said, and this is the reversal. If you look good behind your back and look good when you turn around, it won't have a funny effect, but if you say so..."

Next, I performed the lines of my daughter's classmates in a very exaggerated way - highlighting the reversal effect. It made my daughter giggle.

"Some people also want to have this effect when they speak, so they will suddenly reverse, and I guess you classmates may think so." You usually watch the video on Douyin and think it's funny, and a lot of it is because of this. ”

Because I saw that my daughter was in a good mood, I almost ended here.

But communication is not always enough, especially for particularly sensitive children. For example, my daughter will still mention it after such a long time, and she will still mind.

You're wrong, but I can forgive you

So I decided to talk to my daughter again and reassure her.

Me: You're not ugly at all, mom thinks you're really good-looking and cute. I think there are two possibilities for your classmates to say this, one is a joke, that is, what your mother said to you last time.

Daughter: What about the other one?

Me: The other is that she misjudged. (Sorry, I definitely wouldn't think it's right to say my daughter is ugly)

Daughter: Why?

Me: Everyone can be wrong, because everyone's judgment is based on their own current cognition. You see even scientists make mistakes. And everyone's cognition is changing, your classmate said that at that time, it may be that your face is injured, then now her judgment may be different.

Daughter: So what if she still says that?

Me: Then you tell her, I'm sorry, you're not right, I think I'm good-looking, and my mom says I'm good-looking. Your judgment is not right, but I can forgive you, because everyone can make mistakes, even scientists can make mistakes, Einstein made mistakes, Einstein proposed the theory of relativity, deduced from the theory of relativity that black holes exist, but he felt impossible and refused to believe in the existence of black holes. What turned out, we even took pictures of black holes... Wow, I think if you say that, maybe your classmates will want to discuss with you what a black hole is.

In the end, of course, I still didn't forget to numb the flesh: "My daughter really looks good no matter how she looks, is it?" ”

The daughter swept away the decadence just now, and went to play with vigor and satisfaction.

Teach children the logic of thinking,

Not extreme, not narrow-minded

I am only communicating here according to the situation at that time and my usual habit of communicating with my daughter, which is certainly not a standard answer, but some of the thinking points and logic can be shared.

First, express your love and support for him, children are "stingy ghosts"

No matter what kind of diss the child suffers outside, as long as the child comes to you and expresses his grievances, then please understand him from the child's point of view and express your love and support for him.

It is also important to understand the origin of the matter, if the child does not express it clearly, you can first guide the child to explain the ins and outs of the matter: "It seems that my baby has been wronged, and tell my mother what is going on." ”

Some parents may be more generous in their own right and dismiss the "grievances" suffered by their children: "Oh, what a big deal, what's the point of saying two words, stingy." ”

Please, the child which is not a "stingy ghost".

Second, don't judge each other, and put the discussion point on "words" rather than "people"

If the mother's first reaction is: "How can I say that about you, it's too rude, it's too much." ”

Although it seems to protect the child's self-esteem, it is also easy for the child to form this understanding: calling their own children are bad people, because they are bad, they do not know politeness, so they scold me. This is also not conducive to children's integration into the group and happy with their friends, because most children speak "fairy tales" (except for those who lack education).

More importantly, the other party's "bad" does not mean that what the other party says is not true, and the child will still be confused.

So the focus and discussion is not whether the other party is bad or not, but why the other party says this, and how we can look at this "statement".

Teaching children to look at problems objectively and from multiple angles can not only help children be more rational, improve children's logical ability, avoid narrowness and solidification, and over time, children are also easy to form their own way of thinking. The next time they encounter a similar problem, the child will initiate such thinking to solve itself.

Third, emphasize the occasional, tell the child that the other party's cognition will also change

Tell the child that the other party did that at that time is only based on the judgment or situation at that time, perhaps because of some factor of their own trigger (such as the special mark on the injured face of the daughter mentioned earlier), perhaps the other party does not know enough about themselves, or perhaps the other party is in a bad mood at the time... In short, the judgment and performance at that time do not represent the present and the future, this is done to give the child more thinking angle, prevent narrowness, and also leave a possibility and space for the friendship between the children to change.

Anyone can make mistakes, and we forgive each other and wait for each other to grow.

Fourth, don't take this matter too seriously, too much reaction is easy to strengthen the child's impression of the "label"

For example, when a child says that someone scolds him for being ugly, the first reaction of the mother is definitely to be angry, but please try to calm down. If you behave very angry, the child is easy to perceive your emotions, and even feel that they have done something wrong to make the mother angry, their logic is: it is precisely because they are "too stupid" and "not good-looking", they will be said by others, and the mother will be angry. It is equivalent to reinforcing the wrong perception in the child.

Help your child find the power to counter "attack"

The above is a specific way of coping, but in fact, we can usually help children find some support points: it can be the child's strength, or it can be a way of thinking and knowledge reserves, such as the knowledge of the black hole I mentioned earlier. A child with "knowledge reserves" and power blessings will not be easily "attacked".

A few days ago, I was playing downstairs again, and I just met a little boy in the class, and the two of them quarreled while playing with each other.

Little boy: Throw you to Mars to burn to death.

And again: Hmm, Mars is not hot, Mars is the most earth-like star, it is also the most likely star to have life.

(Turn around and say to me) Mom, he doesn't have much extracurricular knowledge, and thinks the name of Mars is its hotness, hahaha.

Me: So study hard, or you won't be able to argue. (Even a quarrel does not forget to export the value of "to study well", it is really "well-intentioned")

And again: Hmm.

Of course, the child's self-confidence and ability to resist "hitting" are not a dialogue can be established, many times "kung fu in peacetime", every time this communication is also a very important opportunity.

There is also the fact that the child sometimes comes to talk to you, or repeatedly talks about his own being "dissed", it is not necessarily the child's psychological vulnerability or really "agrees" with the other party's statement, it is likely that there is still this psychology: trust the mother, know that the mother will be on his side, will affirm himself, the child and you may just be to get your confirmation, there is an element of pampering. (This lies in the overall judgment of the child, for example, my daughter is usually more confident, she has both a mind component and an element that wants to hear what I say)

So don't forget to satisfy the child's "careful thinking", affirm him, praise him - if the child is wrong, of course, you must also point it out, such as whether he attacked the other party first.

In the end, all of the above is based on a judgment: the other party is not malicious and continuous attack, otherwise I will only do one thing: immediately, immediately find the other parent and child, and make them apologize!

Source: Mommy OK (ID: mami-ok)