This article was first published on the public account: Warm Star Community
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Yuanfeng was diagnosed with moderate to severe autism at the age of one and a half years old, and had no language at the age of two and a half. Because mom and dad had to go to work, he followed his grandmother on weekdays.
"At the beginning, I didn't know much about autism, I didn't want to learn, and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to teach well, which was too much of a responsibility."
Many dual-career families have to rely on the elderly to help with their children, and Grandma Yuanfeng is one of them.
The difference is that she is facing an autistic grandson. Under the persuasion of her daughter, she learned the intervention method with the teacher of the institution, in order to help Yuanfeng generalize in her home life.
"There are such children in the family, they can only force themselves to learn, otherwise what else can they do?" Changing the concept is out of helplessness, but Yuanfeng's grandmother's learning momentum is not inferior to that of the young parents.
Yuanfeng is six years old this year, is already a kindergarten middle class child, more than four years since the diagnosis, the result of the review is close to normal children.
Grandma said that she also took the Shadow Teacher Certificate to prepare Yuanfeng for elementary school. Yes, she wants to be her grandson's shadow teacher!
I don't want to ... He grew up to be a beggar! ”
I have twin daughters, Yuanfeng is the child of the younger daughter, and I have been taking care of my sick husband before helping her take Yuanfeng. After he died, I originally had a new life plan, but then Yuanfeng was diagnosed, and I could only help my daughter with it.
In fact, when Yuanfeng was very young, we felt that he was "not very clever", did not know about the disease at that time, and did not pay too much attention.
A little older, I found that he loved to watch the electric fan turn and did not react to people. One day his father looked up the information and suddenly ran to my room and said, "Mom, my son may be sick." "At that time, there was no diagnosis, but Yuanfeng's symptoms were very similar to what was said on the Internet, and our whole family collapsed at once."
They immediately made an appointment with the experts of Zhongshan Hospital and took Yuanfeng to the Third Affiliated Hospital of Sun Yat-sen University for examination, and the result was really autism! Hey what can I do?!
My daughter is still reasonable, buy books immediately, and do them while learning. When I didn't find the institution, I made sensory system for Yuanfeng at home, bought a trampoline, various materials, exercised his coarse movements, fine movements, and taught him to speak...
Take Yuanfeng to drink milk tea
In fact, at the beginning, I was not very willing to learn to intervene, afraid of contradictions if I did not do well, and I was afraid of taking responsibility.
Once my daughter had a fight with me, she was very helpless, said: "I just gave birth to such a child, the job is gone, what can I do?" When I heard her say this, my heart was very uncomfortable, and I compromised: "Well, I study, I read books." ”
She showed me a book on autism, and I saw that some autistic children who did not intervene well grew up miserable, and I did not want Yuanfeng to grow up to be a beggar.
My daughter is also very pitiful, this affection can not be put down, on the one hand is the daughter, on the other side is my grandson, I can only harden my scalp and begin to take the matter of learning to intervene seriously.
There is a special child in the family, and the family should unite the front. As a mother, I also understand my daughter's mood and her pressure, and I want to be generous and accommodate her anxieties and emotions, which are also difficult for her.
"For yuanfeng, I am willing to give everything"
Our family division of labor, I am responsible for the intervention in daily life, his father is responsible for the sensory system, his mother does the overall planning, plays the role of "supervisor", the family, learn together, and intervene for Yuanfeng together.
It was difficult at first, we weren't professional because we had never been exposed to autism before, we didn't know what ABA was, and we didn't know how to operate it. They are young people with strong learning ability, and I am older, and it is so easy to learn.
But I have a strong personality and don't want to lose to others, so I don't want to give up, try my best to learn, and hope that my grandson can get better and carry this hurdle.
When you are older, it is more difficult to read and study, your eyes are not good, and you are easily tired. At the beginning of the daughter's teaching, she and Yuanfeng's father are learning to bully, learning things fast, I will be hard scalp slowly with, some times listen to seem to understand non-understanding, even if the reason is understood, encounter practical problems do not know how to operate. Old man, the brain is not good, can not learn ah.
Grandma attends story drama training
Later, when Yuanfeng went to the institution to intervene, I applied to audit, and when he and the teacher were in class, I took a small notebook and took notes next to it, little by little, remembering how the teacher did it.
Because I was slow to take notes and couldn't keep up with the speed of the teacher's lectures, I secretly recorded and went home to learn. Once the recording was discovered, I was kicked out of the classroom, and I was banned from auditing for a month. Although I know that this is not good, but there is no way, learning something is too difficult for me.
I learned to intervene with Yuanfeng at home, make a video comparison, send it to the teacher, ask the teacher for guidance, ask in time if I don't understand, and keep asking. Maybe I have a better personality, and I get along well with kindergartens, therapy teachers, and supervisors, and they are very willing to help me.
Make your own social picture book
In those two years, YuanFeng did ABA intervention, I learned ABA, did language and game therapy, and I learned game therapy. In 18 years, I participated in the shadow teacher training, and in 19 years, I participated in the picture book story drama intervention mode training, and the young girls who studied together were only me, the old woman.
For the sake of Yuanfeng, I am willing to give him all my energy and money. And I'm ready to wait for him to go to elementary school to be his shadow teacher.
" No money is really bitter!"
We used to live in Shunde and wanted to give Yuanfeng the best intervention, so the family moved to Guangzhou. The cost of his intervention a year was three or four hundred thousand, and his mother was not yet working and did not have much savings. Later his father sold the house, and almost all the money was spent on his intervention.
It was difficult at the time, there was no money, it was really bitter. In the most difficult year, even the daily basic expenses had to overdraft the credit card, only buy discounted meat, and go to the "money aunt" to pick up free dishes. I used to love to buy clothes, but now I haven't bought clothes for a long time, I wear old clothes, I can save money, and I want to save more money for Yuanfeng to keep.
Grandma's circle of friends is full of energy
When it was most difficult, I also wanted to ask for help, but I loved face, I couldn't pull down my face to talk to others about this, and I didn't know who to ask for help, or I had to rely on myself.
But no matter how bitter it is, I will not be bitter to Yuanfeng. It doesn't matter if we adults eat simply, his is alone, give him a good meal. I wear old clothes, but I want to dress Yuanfeng neatly and beautifully, I don't want him to go out and be looked down upon, even if he is "sick", he must go out handsomely.
We are very nervous financially, in order to increase his socialization, I will take him to free experience classes, always closed at home can not learn things, more to take out to contact more different people and different environments, so it helps him.
Part-time at McDonald's
I am still working part-time at McDonald's, and when I am old, I still work to earn more money for Yuanfeng, and he needs a lot of money to learn things. I'm still in good health, he went to school and I was bored at home alone, and it would be better to go to work.
Anyway, compared with before, now it is much better, Yuanfeng is getting better, and we will be more comfortable.
"Yuanfeng is my motivation"
I used to be a cheerful extrovert, and I felt pressure and responsibility after taking Yuanfeng, I knew that a full recovery from autism was impossible, but I never felt that he could not overcome this difficulty.
I persevered like this, all because of Yuanfeng, he is my motivation.
Every time he progresses it's a surprise to me, and there will be a period of time when there won't be any progress, or after a long time suddenly jump out of what I've been taught. Teaching him generalization and socializing is the hardest thing for me, and sometimes I'm very strict with him because I want him to be good and I'm impatient.
(YuanFeng in a boxing class)
The process is both bitter and laughable.
Once, in order to teach him to socialize and play imaginary games with him, I assumed a supermarket scene, and Yuanfeng's mother and I would do a demonstration, one of us was a camper and the other was a salesman, and he came to be a customer. Demonstrate what the salesman and camper have to do and say, and then let him take turns playing the other two roles after being a customer. When he was almost done playing the game, he took him to the supermarket to buy his own things.
It turned out to be a joke, because autistic children are very rigid, and when I played this game with Yuanfeng, I didn't pay with money, but just slapped his hand on the hand to represent payment. As a result, when he took him to check out, he also patted people's hands and confused people, and I understood it instantly on the side, laughed non-stop, and immediately helped him correct.
Yuanfeng attends Christmas events
Another time he kept talking to himself, and it didn't matter how I guided him, I said, "If you don't stop, Grandma will be angry!" He was still continuing, and I pushed him away angrily and said, "Grandma is really angry!" "After saying that, my tears flowed down, I don't know why, at that time I felt a little stretched."
Yuanfeng saw me crying, but instead of continuing to talk to himself, he said, "Grandma, don't be angry, Yuanfeng will wipe your tears for you." Grandma don't be angry, Yuanfeng will obey. "Saying that he took his handkerchief to wipe my tears, I hugged him, and I was really touched that time.
Yuanfeng and Grandma
I know he's not disobedient, it's just that his "illness" makes him like this, and he's innocent too, and I really, really hope he gets better.
He's still quite expressive, and when he comes back from outside, he'll hug me, kiss my hand and say, "Grandma, I love you." ”
He said this, I'm all worth it.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
In the conversation with Yuanfeng's grandmother, Xiaoxing can feel that she is an optimistic, strong, open and inclusive elder. But when it comes to her daughter and Yuanfeng, she chokes back tears several times.
It's a difficult process, every autistic family has a darkest moment, and every little bit of progress a child makes is a light that illuminates them.
Along the way, Yuanfeng has been close to NT from the middle and heavy to the current review results, she hopes to build a little confidence for everyone, pass on some energy, as long as the family works together, I believe that the child will grow up slowly.
"I want him in the crowd, not to be seen, or just to be treated as an introverted kid, that's my goal." Grandma firmly said that she was an old man with faith.
Generational parenting is not an obligation, it is a heavy love and inseparable family affection.
Three generations of life together, friction is always inevitable, between parents and children, there may be "resentment", but no regrets!
Grandma's generosity, strength, optimism, but also for the young parents to set an example, the age of nearly 60 years old still do not give up, we have no reason to lose the fighting spirit to resist life!
Note: In order to protect the privacy of children, "Yuanfeng" in the text is a pseudonym.