As human beings, we have a variety of emotional problems, especially painful emotions.
Many people don't know how to deal with it, and when they are depressed or explosive, they either attack themselves inward or attack others outwardly.
Feeling psychologically unbalanced is one of the pains.
If there is a psychological imbalance, there are generally two situations:
The first: giving too much and feeling unfair.
For example, when the investment and return in interpersonal relationships are not cost-effective, psychological imbalance will be felt.
In an intimate relationship, if a person pays for a long time and provides significantly more material and emotional value than the other party, it is easy to lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
Because he will feel hollowed out, but not nourished, over time will feel that he is tired.
At this point, whether it is family affection, love, friendship is the same.
The second kind: like to compare with others, see that others have something they don't have, and always feel that others are better than themselves.
The other party can do it, but he can't do it, then he will feel psychological imbalance.
This has to do with personal expectations, such as always feeling that other people's boyfriends are better and other people's wives are more beautiful.
Then, this dissatisfaction will be projected onto the other half to criticize the other party.
Including career, ability, and possessions, once compared with stronger people, you will feel frustrated.
The problem of personal mentality can only be solved from the heart: change what can be changed, and accept the objective environment that cannot be changed.
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Causes of psychological imbalance
One girl posted that her roommate would always use her makeup and not give her money after every time she was asked to buy something.
At the beginning, in order to integrate into the dormitory, she thought that she could be accepted and liked by helping the dormitory to do more things, helping her classmates to fetch water and buy things, and could be more and more liked, and she could integrate into the group faster, and the relationship with her roommates was getting better and better.
But after a long time, she found that her feelings were getting better and better, but she was also becoming more and more rude to her.
Because she never refused, over time, everyone took it for granted that she was that kind of person.
From taking the initiative to help to being called, throwing garbage, sweeping the floor are common, and even deliberately entrusting her to buy things without giving money.
She is sometimes unhappy, but she does not dare to refuse head-on, and will only complain.
As soon as she complained, her roommate would say that she had changed and that she would not want to help.
Such a relationship made her very distressed.
Another submission story is that after the girl graduated, she found that she had a good hair and a small hair, and her education was lower than her, but she married a very good husband.
The other husband's family is in business, and he has lived a comfortable little life early.
And this submitted girl has worked hard to study since she was a child, left the countryside, and worked hard in the big city, but now she can't afford to buy a house on her own, and she only earns enough to spend on her own.
She is getting older, but when it comes to choosing a mate, it is difficult for her to pick a partner who satisfies herself.
She suddenly felt very unfair: "Why are lifes different between people?" ”
In our lifetime, we will often encounter these things that make us feel unbalanced.
Maybe it's really unfair, maybe it's your own mediocrity, but in either case, you should learn to deal with your emotions.
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How to deal with psychological imbalances?
1) Change can be changed.
We can change the imbalance in our relationships.
No matter in which kind of relationship you pay too much, when such a relationship becomes stressful, you should stop the loss in time.
Looking at your own flattering personality first, is it eager to reap relationships with effort, but dare not set boundaries and principles?
Instead of harvesting a quality relationship, this will allow oneself to be repeatedly oppressed.
So when we feel a little uncomfortable with ourselves, what others ask us to do, we can refuse if we don't want to do it.
Because that's not our responsibility, "I" am happy to do it, that is out of "I" happy, "I" am not happy can not do it.
Don't be afraid to lose relationships, dare to set boundaries.
Once the other party knows where our boundaries are, something is unacceptable, and he will not cross the boundary three times.
If the other party does not know our bottom line of principles, they naturally do not know respect, or they will deliberately cross the line of luck.
In intimate relationships, it is not taken for granted that one person asks the other to do something.
Between male and female friends, if the other person does not want to do it is also his right.
It's just that because of the special relationship, it is usually not easy to grasp a degree.
Now many couples who live together have poor living ability and do not like to cook.
At this time, there is no need to feel that anyone who cooks should be, and don't go to this job at once, and then complain in a stomach: "Long-term cooking is wronged, like a nanny, why don't you do it?" ”
In a relationship, if you want to have a stable relationship, you must nourish each other and do what you are willing to do for each other.
When we really don't want to do it, be brave enough to express it.
And for the pain of psychological imbalance within oneself because of comparison, it is to fight for what you want.
Others have it, they have it themselves, so get it yourself.
Immersing in this comparison leads to mental imbalance, which is the least meaningful.
You should focus on your own track instead of focusing all the time on how far others are running.
Other people's running fast or slow has nothing to do with their own lives, so they don't have to suffer for it.
2) Acceptance cannot be changed.
Many times, the objective environment, the people and things outside are something we cannot change.
There are always some people in this world who are not good to themselves and don't like us, and in the face of such a relationship, if it causes us to be consuming, then stay away from them.
Quite simply, it is to accept such a person, there is no need to change, there is no need to force a relationship, a group, so that there will be no psychological imbalance.
Maybe when we were younger, we were too eager to mingle with our classmates, friends, and colleagues.
Therefore, they will deliberately show a flattering posture and want to win the recognition and acceptance of many people.
But without your own edges and positions, it is easy to lose yourself and cater to others.
Such a relationship will eventually make people feel tired.
Therefore, when you can't change the environment, stay away from the environment.
Or to experience in such an environment, slowly discover yourself in interpersonal relationships, and dig out the beliefs behind your feelings of being unbearable, inferior, flattering behavior, inner weakness, and so on.
There is no need to please, or even stay away from relationships that consume you, so as to avoid making yourself uncomfortable.
In addition, what cannot be changed is that there will always be people outside the people, and there will be a sky outside the sky.
So it's good that we can surpass ourselves in our lifetime, and don't look at other people.1
In any case, we can only dance on our own tracks.
When we are mentally unbalanced, it means confronting the environment.
The injustice of this society and the ugliness of human nature will be brought out by us.
Only by accepting the environment and following the environment and trends to develop their own track is the right solution.
For example, a very good friend around him wins the lottery, a good girlfriend who plays together marries an excellent husband, and the dead party has a golden key when he is born.
All of this is inevitable.
I have a small hair, and her family conditions are superior to mine since she was a child.
Although objectively it was also average, at that time, in my perspective, I was very envious of her.
Because her mother was willing to give her pocket money, and my family was not well off, my mother was not pulling out a dime.
There was a time when I was a child, I would be very jealous of her, and I didn't even want to play with her, because going out with her always seemed shabby to me.
I felt very uncomfortable in my heart, and the essence was caused by my own incompetence and lack of self-esteem.
She also often asked me to go shopping and offered to lend me money, which made me feel very ashamed, so I really didn't like to deal with her.
But apart from this, we are too good girlfriends to be good, and we have the same relationship as conjoined babies since childhood.
Because of the close relationship, she is better off than me, which is even more psychologically unbalanced.
But what did she do wrong?
What's wrong is just my mindset, because is it going to give up on friends?
This inexplicable jealousy and even hatred is frustrating one's own incompetence and lack.
The solution is to look at it objectively, and there will be no jealousy in exchange for people we don't know.
We will not be jealous of Ma Yun's wealth, and we will not feel psychologically unbalanced because Zhang Zetian married a noble husband.
So in the end, it's our own problem: I feel that I am a person of one level, why is she better off than me?
Because we can't look at this objectively, we feel that we are not bad.
But sometimes it is the difference in fate, and only by accepting this difference can we live our own lives.
I can look at this kind of thing more objectively now, even if my girlfriend is better than me, I will sincerely bless it.
I will never again envy being stronger than me, being better than me, having more friends than I am.
Because everyone's path, homework is different.
Looking at others is not the content of my life, I create life.
How others live is secondary, and it is the main thing for us to live our own lives.
END
Author | Fei Yu A person who likes to explore himself, with growth as the goal, experience as the road, sincerity as the heart, and live a life of maximum freedom.