Found that no, now more and more families return to the traditional family model of "male outside, female inside", that is, the father is responsible for making money to support the family, and the mother is responsible for taking the baby at home.
On the surface, the division of labor is reasonable and clear, but it has created a new problem: absent dads, anxious moms and out-of-control children have become the standard in many families.
In recent years, juvenile mother-killing cases have occurred frequently, and when we look at the cases, we will find that these families have one thing in common - the absence of the father, the imbalance of maternal love, and the increasing psychological problems of the children.
Absent father
The White Paper on Parent-Child Companionship in China shows that more than 50% of families have children raised by their mothers; only 12.6% of families have fathers accompanying their children. "Invisible Dad" and "Widowed Parenting" are becoming more and more common.
A wife who takes care of the children full-time can indeed allow dads to devote themselves to their work and devote more energy to their careers, but it also gives dads a perfect excuse not to take care of their children.
"I'm tired", "I'm busy", "I just want to be quiet for a while" Dads come home and want to lie down and rest, play games on their mobile phones, and the farther away their children are from me, the better.
"As a father of two daughters, I know that being a father is one of the most important jobs for any man," Obama said. In his view, being a father is no less important than being president.
During his presidency, Mr. Obama had dinner with his daughter every night, and he did not miss a single parent-teacher meeting with his children during the 21-month campaign.
Dads, are you busy with the president? "I'm tired" is just an excuse to escape.
Parent magazine mentions that fathers have an impact on a child's life:
First, fathers love to play with their children more;
Second, the language used by the father is richer and more complex;
Third, the father has more discipline over the child;
Fathers can better help their children reach their potential;
Fifth, the father introduced more about the behavior and role of men in real life;
Sixth, the father has a greater role in promoting the growth of the child;
7. Fathers are more effective in promoting the socialization of their children and preparing them for society;
Eighth, the father supports his wife, cares for the child, and affects the child's sense of family responsibility and social responsibility.
The father is the first male figure in the child's life, and the father's every word and deed will provide the child with a "man's template". Girls who grow up with their fathers know better how to choose their partners and marriages; boys who have a father to accompany them are more manly and have a stronger sense of responsibility.
The results of a 12-year study at Yale University in the United States show that children raised by their fathers from an early age have high IQs, intelligence, energy, good communication, and good academic performance.
The absence of father's love will cause regrets for the child's growth, and will also cause the child's lack of personality.
Anxious mother
Among the top ten family anxiety factors in the "Anxiety Index" Report for Chinese Mothers, children's health and children's education successfully topped the list, ranking first and second.
The child now lives more and more tired because behind him stands an anxious mother.
From the moment the child falls to the ground, the mother begins to live in endless anxiety, worried that the child will not eat well and develop poorly. Even the inability of children to sleep independently can become a heart disease for mothers.
Especially in learning, I am afraid that my child will fall behind a little, and I hope that my child can speak is the level of English interpretation, and I will reach the level of university after graduating from primary school.
Mothers, desperately trying to train their children to become "prodigies of prodigies"!
Tighten your pants to live in the most expensive school district room, go to the best tutoring class, learn the most advanced hobbies, and participate in the highest summer camp! Anxious mothers, while spurring their husbands to work hard to make money, while asking their children to work hard.
There is a very interesting data: the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences once did a survey, 95% of parents, think that their children's test scores should enter the top 5%!
As parents, the last thing we want to admit is that our children will eventually become an ordinary person, so we choose to close our eyes, put unrealistic hopes on the child, and ask him to work hard and work harder, even at the expense of forcing the child to waste.
Put your mind at ease and don't compare yourself to other people's children
A big reason for the mother's anxiety is that she always likes to compare with others, seeing that other people's babies are fluent in English at the age of four, hoping that their babies are proficient in English at the age of 1, seeing other people's babies learning junior high school mathematics in the fourth grade, and they are eager to challenge high school mathematics in the first grade of their own babies.
It is this unbalanced mentality that makes the mother have an imbalance in education. To alleviate anxiety, the first thing moms do is to calm their minds.
Shift your focus to yourself
Stay-at-home moms can easily focus on their children, and they always have a mentality of "I've paid so much for you, you have to study hard to be worthy of me"
Moms, especially stay-at-home moms, must not put their hopes in others. Instead of asking your child how to do it, look more at how you should do it.
Shift your attention to yourself, find something to do for yourself, keep yourself busy, and be a role model for your child.
Pay more attention to the child's personality psychology
Don't focus all your attention on your child's learning.
In the case of mother-killing, the tragic mothers are most concerned with the child's achievements, and ignore the child's inner needs. A person, the most important thing is not the achievement, but the soundness of the personality, the health of the mind, the excellence of the quality, otherwise he is also a wasted person.
When the child's three views are correct, the child will not be crooked, and when the child really has the internal drive, his learning does not need parents to pay too much energy.
Out-of-control kids
In a family, an absent father and an anxious mother are "causes," and runaway children are "effects."
Absent father, the love that the child gets is missing, resulting in incomplete personality;
Anxious mothers, focusing on the wrong direction, let the child's love is unbalanced, resulting in the child's emotional growth and psychological growth can not be truly satisfied.
Many parents complain that after their children enter puberty, they are like a changed person, rebellious, disobedient, and even from a bully to a child who is tired of school and truant, addicted to mobile phones, games, and even with bad children, and even extreme behavior.
These problems are accumulated before the child is 12 years old, and after 12 years old, they will enter a process of outbreak.
Parents must see that the child is a living person, he has curiosity about the world, but also has a desire for emotions, his spirit needs to be irrigated, but the heart also needs to be nourished.
Spend more time with your children, care for your children with love and respect, and put more attention on your children's morality, behavior, and character, so that your children will naturally not grow crooked, but become an excellent one among ordinary people.
Children who are born to repay and collect debts from their parents are only a very small number, most of the children are ordinary children, and what they can become in the future depends entirely on what kind of love and education their parents can give.
We must recognize that the standard of the family should never be in the text, but should be a father who is not absent, a peaceful mother and a healthy child in all aspects.