In 1930, the American educationalist Skies did such an experiment: 2 orphans with an IQ of less than 50 were transferred to women with mild mental retardation to raise. After 6 months, their IQ test found that it reached 77 and 87, respectively; 2 years later, their IQ test found that it reached 95 and 93, respectively, almost the same as a normal child.
The explanation given by the researchers is that 2 orphans received the same care as their mothers.
Even though the woman's intelligence was slightly backward, it did not have any negative impact on the child. On the contrary, because children feel love and care, their IQ is steadily rising.
It can be seen how far-reaching the influence of parents around on children is.
Bai Yansong, a famous host of CCTV, once said that "no matter how bitter he is, he will not put his children in boarding schools" not only clearly expressed his views, but also fully exposed how harmful boarding schools are to students.
Teacher Yin Jianli, who also holds this view, is even more blunt:
A hen will not entrust her chicks to the care of other hens, and a sow will not entrust any piglets to other sows.
Animals know this, but people are often confused about this issue.
01
Home is always the best school
Parents are always the best teachers
In the process of growing up, in addition to living a daily learning life and food, clothing, shelter and transportation, it is more important to pay attention to the fact that the children's emotional life and growth education are also a very important part. Children develop a part of their independence in boarding schools, but correspondingly, children spend less time with their parents.
In the period of development and children's emotional enlightenment, parents' emotional inspiration for their children is very important, and the education of children and the type of communication during this period is the best foundation for children to enter adolescence or rebellious period in the future.
Many netizens recalled the situation of accommodation during the school period, and the most mentioned ones were "homesick", "less and less communication with parents", "not close to parents", "too independent"...
Once, a first-year junior high school student named Li Shanshan wrote an essay on boarding experience, "That Night Without Sleep", which made her Chinese teacher sigh and feel sad.
I think after reading it, you will probably understand why it is not recommended for children to board.
Entering junior high school, I began to live in, and I developed a feeling of homesickness that I had never had before, and I had the sleepless night.
That night, the evening self-study ended early. Go back to the dormitory, get your toiletries ready, walk to the water room, line up, wash your face, brush your teeth, and walk back to your bedroom. Early in the morning, the first year students turned off the lights and rested.
Lying on the bed, quietly looking at the top bunk, without any sleep. Homesick, fatherly, motherly. No, I have to rest well, and I have to go to class tomorrow—I warned myself, so I closed my eyes and wanted to fall asleep slowly and naturally, just like at home. But in my mind came up with a place I knew best—home, that simple but cozy cottage.
At this moment, there should be no lights in the house, right? Mom and Dad should be asleep, right? Our room should have been cleaned by my mother, right? On the bed, there should be a neatly folded quilt, and a cute dolphin toy, the bedside may also have a favorite book, the desk should be... Thinking, thinking, a tear slid across my face and dripped on my pillow, which was a little wet.
I sat up and looked out the window, it was a hazy night, the lively campus was silent during the day, a few stars blinking in the night sky, and they weren't asleep either? Or do you want to stay with me?
I sat against the wall and subconsciously looked at my watch, but it was actually dark and I couldn't see anything clearly. I touched a book casually, flipped it wildly, and the tears fell on the book like beads with broken threads. Raising my hand to wipe my tears, I seemed to see, Mom? That's right, it's Mom!
Mom was sitting in front of the window, looking at the stars in the night sky that were blinking, and she must have been thinking about me. I don't know if I was talking to myself or to the stars, shouting over and over again: Mom! Mom! All of a sudden, all kinds of memories poured into my heart, my mother's nagging, my mother's reprimand, my mother's praise, my mother's embrace, everything was so beautiful.
I held my legs, bowed my head, and let the tears well out, silently thinking about mom and dad. One point, two points, five points... And just like that, it was dawn.
Sleepless spent the night with me, and mom and dad spent the night with me.
After seeing such a sad and desolate text, do you still bear to let your child board the school?
02
The best nutrition is affection
The best schools are families
On the stage of "Teenagers Say", a second-year girl shared her boarding story, which was simply heart-wrenching.
Because his parents were too busy at work, he lived a boarding life since he was a child. Everyone else has mom and dad picked up and dropped off from school, and they can only face the night without their parents alone.
Usually, it is rare to go home on weekends, and I can't see my mother. This is true even at home during winter and summer vacations.
The child shouted affectionately on the show, and the mother was still absent. For this reason, the child bluntly said that he was like a child in an orphanage.
Yes, sending children to boarding schools will inevitably reduce the opportunity for parents to get along.
Whenever the child encounters a problem, he cannot talk to the parents in time, and in the long run, it is difficult for the child to feel the love of the parents, and gradually becomes estranged from the parents, becoming more and more cold, silent and lonely.
In fact, premature boarding, cutting off the child's emotional relationship, the child will have a lot of psychological problems when he becomes an adult.
Before the child is 12 years old, it is the "golden period" of the child's personality shaping, and the parents miss it when they are not around.
03
In these 6 cases, it is recommended not to live on campus
▼ Families who have the energy to tutor their children
If the father or mother graduates from a prestigious university, it is more than enough to tutor the junior high school child.
The children of such a family will certainly not be far behind.
If the child is allowed to go to school, parents are fully capable of tutoring their children's homework, and even open a small stove for their children to add lessons.
▼ Harmonious atmosphere with loving family
If the relationship between the parents is harmonious, and one of the two has a stable time, and is willing to put the education of the child in the first place, willing to sacrifice a lot of time to accompany the child, then the children of this kind of family, too early to live in school, it is a pity.
On the contrary, parents are busy with work, parents are not in harmony, parents and children have a tense relationship, in this case, you can consider letting your children live in school. Family members usually keep a distance, but it is conducive to peaceful weekends.
▼ If it is not a prestigious school, it is not recommended that your child live in the school prematurely
Even the learning atmosphere of the 985 university dormitory and the university dormitory of the second college can be very different, not to mention the difference between the key schools in the middle and high schools and the non-key schools.
If you have high expectations for your child, if your child is a child who wants to study hard, if your child is in a normal school in high school and can not live in school, try not to let him live in school.
▼ Children who love to read
If the child lives in school, it basically deprives them of the possibility of reading a lot.
Residential students either study in the dormitory at night or in the classroom, but it is difficult for children to read extracurricular books freely.
A considerable number of teachers are eager for children not to read the so-called "idle books", and it is best to put all their energy into brushing up on the problems.
The middle school entrance examination and the college entrance examination are only a stop in a long life, and the books you have read when you are young, the people and things you come into contact with in the books, will constitute the foundation of your youth and even your entire life.
Replacing reading with brush questions too early will make children lack of stamina.
▼ Children with good learning habits, strong self-control and strong initiative
One of the benefits of living on campus is that it creates a strong atmosphere of competition and learning.
However, if their children have strong learning initiative and good learning habits, and they don't need teachers to rush to school, how meaningful is it to go to school?
Conversely, learning at home can lead to higher opportunities for self-domination.
If you want to prepare for tomorrow's homework, you can also prepare for next month's lesson. If you want to learn textbook knowledge, you can read extracurricular books, and you can read university professional textbooks.
In school, the freedom to make plans is greatly weakened, and for the students with strong initiative, it is indeed quite a bit of "reading with the prince".
▼ Children who are not very independent
After leaving the parents on campus, some classmates may feel uncomfortable.
This really can't be blamed on children, because not to mention junior high school students, even high school students or even college students, entering a new environment may require a long period of adaptation.
Children who were more clingy to their parents before can only see their parents for a week or two after living in school, and it is normal to feel uncomfortable, and homesickness is also normal.
It should be noted that during adolescence, children will encounter more emotional fluctuations and growth troubles. The company of parents, especially face-to-face conversations, is particularly important.
04
The growth of children is irreversible
Don't wait for no flowers to fold branches
The British economist Adam Smith opposed sending children to boarding schools, arguing that children separated from their parents for a long time would cause the most fundamental destruction of family ethics and family happiness.
Nothing can make up for the harm that boarding life brings to children. He said that family education is set by the god of nature, and complete family education is the way to cultivate wisdom.
Children's needs for parents are not only pure "raising", companionship is also an indispensable part of the child's growth process.
As Cai Kangyong said, "Between people, there is an emotional account, every time you make each other happy, the deposit is a little more, and every time you make the other party sad, the deposit is less." ”
Parents can only give their children enough companionship in their childhood and continue to save in the emotional account in order to properly withdraw when they encounter parent-child conflicts in the future.
In the end, the time for a child to truly belong to his parents is only a dozen years.
If you don't cherish the time you spend with your child, you miss many wonderful moments in your life.
To raise a wonderful child, parents must have this awareness and self-confidence:
Parents are the best teachers, affection is the best nutrition, the table is the best desk, and home is the best school.
Finally, I hope that children all over the world can attend the school that suits them and enjoy the flourishing youth.