Author: Li Wanwan
Source: LiWanwanwan (ID: liwanwanloveyou)
Permission has been obtained to reprint
Five years ago, on October 27, 2017, the famous writer Feng Tang published an article that later spread across the Internet and caused a fierce response from public opinion - "How to avoid becoming a greasy middle-aged lewd man".
In order to avoid becoming greasy, in this article, Feng Tang gave ten suggestions to middle-aged men:
1. Don't be a fat person, except for those who are already fat;
2. Don't stop learning;
3. Don't stay still, go out for a walk, go to exercise;
4. Don't talk about sex in public;
5. Don't reminisce about the past;
6. Do not educate the younger generations, especially do not take the initiative to teach young women;
7. Don't cause trouble for others;
8. Don't stop shopping and keep your desire for fresh goods, such as new computers and new mobile phones;
9. Don't get dirty, trim your nose hair frequently;
10. Don't despise age-independent human habits, such as literature, bracelets, thermos, and so on.
These 10 suggestions, which appear very timely and necessary, can often be read and used as a reference for self-cultivation, and not only middle-aged men, men and women, young and old, should read and think about it from time to time.
01. Don't be a fat person
This can be done on it, eat a little lighter, eat less, can take time to exercise then exercise it, really not, really can only be fat, then forget it.
What really makes people feel sick is often not your appearance, but your words and deeds.
Fat and thin, that's your own business, it can't hinder others, so it's not so important, such as the famous fat boy Su Dongpo, we look at his poetry, his calligraphy, his paintings, his articles and character, no one will think he is greasy.
02. Don't stop learning
This is probably the most important of these 10 pieces of advice.
Many people will think that learning is reading books.
Now there are a large number of book dealers on the Internet, by creating anxiety, providing quick solutions, advocating the utilitarian nature of learning to sell books, many people listen to a few sentences of book sales video explanation, they hurry to place orders, as soon as they buy, the books begin to live and widow.
There are some more absurd, as soon as you listen to what books to read, you can be admitted to 985, quickly buy a hard stuff for your children, and then play mahjong and brush beautiful women live PK.
For ordinary people, the relationship between reading and learning is not a mother-son relationship, nor a brotherly relationship, they are more like distant relatives - the relationship is very distant, can only be said to have a little relationship, this relationship you want to recognize is also OK.
Just because a person is reading does not mean that he is studying.
For example, many people read books for recreation and to pass the time, from this point of view, reading books is the same thing as playing games, watching variety shows, watching sports matches, playing mahjong, etc., and are essentially entertainment.
The difference is that people who play mahjong games also know that their behavior is not worth boasting, but many people who read some idle books will breed a sense of superiority and feel that they are superior - from this point of view, reading books is not as good as playing mahjong games.
There are also those who read books only to consolidate their own prejudices, to prove that the author is the same as he thinks.
If you want to learn, you don't have to read books, of course, reading books is a very important means of learning, if you really can't read books, you don't have to read.
There are many ways you can learn, such as watching videos, listening to audio, listening to other people's words, observing other people's words and deeds, and reflecting on your past.
There is a fundamental difference between learning and recreation - the purpose of pastime is to seek recognition and seek temporary pleasure, while the purpose of learning is to tear yourself apart, subvert your own prejudices, and recognize your bad side, such as you are a farmer, and the purpose of your learning to cultivate is to modify or even subvert your past habits and ways of farming.
Learning is to acquire new knowledge, and new knowledge is the modification and subversion of old knowledge and old ideas.
Therefore, learning is certainly not simply pleasant, it will sometimes make people feel embarrassed, painful, inferior, but after learning, you will feel very comfortable and refreshed.
For example, you had a drink with a friend yesterday, bragged and self-righteously gave people a bunch of suggestions at the wine market, and then you came home, began to remember and reflect on your own words and deeds yesterday, saw your ugly side, felt ashamed and embarrassed, and decided to change - this is learning.
Learning is like taking a cold shower, it is painful when you take a bath, and it is cheerful and warm after washing.
Privately, for the cultivation of individuals, the most important way to learn is "I am in three provinces and my body", "see the wise and think together, see the unwise and introspect within", "do not do to others what you do not want" - to do these three sentences, more meaningful than reading books.
03. Don't stay still
Common sense, this is not to be discussed.
04. Don't talk about sex in public
This reminds me of when I was a teenager, herding cattle on the field, and there was a middle-aged man in our village who went to work in the field, and after the labor, he came to talk to me, and then began his performance, talking endlessly about his youth... It was depicted with a nose and eyes, but I was only 10 years old.
Talking about sex in public, especially when talking about sex with some women, simply cannot reflect the so-called humor and charm of individuals, but will make people feel strong discomfort and disgust.
05. Don't reminisce about the past
Reminiscing is not impossible, you either reminisce with a few of your old buddies, or reminisce with your wife and children, this kind of remembrance is everyone's business, so few people will be disgusted.
But if your reminiscences are meant to show how wonderful your year was, it is still advisable not to have this kind of behavior, because no one likes to hear this.
Reminiscing about the glory of the past, just like Mai Ba, who sang in KTV, the song is like a dog barking, you are still there, will you really have someone to appreciate your singing?
There are also some people who reminisce about the past, not to recall the glory of that year, but to tell the heartache and pain of that year, with the purpose of wanting others to "remember the pain" with him, and then let him "think sweet" alone.
For example, a middle-aged man told his child how hard his life was, he couldn't eat, and his clothes were not warm, so you children should cherish the happiness and save food now.
Very few children like this kind of preaching, and I can't listen to it when I was a child anyway, but the preacher himself feels that it is simply natural and problem-free. It is not said whether children love to hear or not, and this kind of preaching itself is unreasonable. When you couldn't eat, it had nothing to do with whether you saved food or not, and you couldn't eat because you couldn't eat because you wasted food, but because you didn't have food.
Where is the causal relationship between hunger and waste? You can't even convince yourself, how can you convince your child?
The fact is that many elders teach their children to save food by telling about the hunger and cold of that year, but it has not played any positive effect, and the children should waste it. Then the elders felt that the children did not listen to the lectures, and they were very angry, so the elders held out internal injuries, and the children were beaten out of external injuries.
Children waste food, and it is you who educate yourself, not the children.
It is your responsibility that your child wastes food, or buys a bunch of toys to play with for a few days and doesn't play, and the responsibility lies in:
First, you don't realize that this is a common and normal phenomenon, in fact, you don't have to care so much;
Second, if the child is wasted, it is because you give the child the opportunity to waste.
06. Don't educate the younger generations
The bad thing is that many of us, he not only has to educate the younger generations, he even has to educate the elders, as long as it is an individual, give him the opportunity, he immediately catches and begins to educate others.
Many people don't feel that there is anything wrong with educating others, he will be self-consistent, "I am all for his good" - are you really for the good of others?
And ask you, "In this world, except for your parents, or your dearest people, no one really wants you to live well", do you agree with this sentence?
Agree, even if you don't, you won't believe that anyone in a normal relationship would really want you to be okay.
Since you have admitted that no one will really be good for you, where do you come from that belief will feel that you are for the good of others? The whole world is a saint on you?
Admit it, many people educate others, just to get over the mouth, is to brush the sense of existence, is not to accept that others are different from your ideas. All the initiative to give advice to others and criticize others' behavior is to show their superiority in intelligence, knowledge and experience, which is the most disgusting virus in today's society except for the new crown.
If we do not do to others what we do not want, imagine that someone Barabala will criticize, point out, and make all kinds of suggestions to us, will we be happy?
When someone is not really giving others the help that others just need, but just to show others that they are the boss of the behavior of "education", it will only make people feel embarrassed and disgusted, and will not have any positive effect.
07. Don't cause trouble for others
Feng Tang praised the Quality of the Japanese in not causing trouble to others in his article, and I would like to say that in fact, we Chinese and do not like to cause trouble to others.
What impressed me very deeply was that when I was a child, when someone wanted to come to my house to borrow things, borrow money or whatever, they would sit for a long time, chat a lot of gossip, and finally say the real demands when they got up - which shows that our people will also feel from the bones that it is a very embarrassing thing to cause trouble to others.
What's the problem?
Mainly because we don't figure out what "trouble" is, and there are many things that make others feel troubled, and we ourselves are not aware of it.
For example, falling out of love and looking for others to talk to all the time, seeing others write well and hoping that he will write a picture for himself for free, casually giving advice to others, or hoping that others will do things according to their own ideas, these are all troublesome to others, but it is difficult for us to detect.
Let me refine it, what is trouble — trouble is: the words and deeds of two people communicate in accordance with the wishes of only one of them, and only one of them gets the benefit.
Giving trouble to others means that when you are getting along with others, your communication or exchange is only in line with your own wishes, and only you alone get benefits.
For example, if you are out of love and keep talking to others - only in line with your wishes, only you get benefits, so this is to add trouble to others;
Asking others for a pair of calligraphy and paintings or anyone who lets others help you for free, only you get benefits, and all the behaviors that want to be white prostitutes are adding trouble to others;
Educating others and giving advice to others is only in line with your own wishes, because you don't know whether others are willing or not, so you can't tacitly accept that others are willing.
It should be noted that our family relationship is very bad, the relationship between husband and wife is very bad, the most important reason is to add trouble to others, this kind of trouble mainly in the form of making requests - when the child is young, the parents have various requirements for him, the child's study, work, marriage, parents want to come according to their wishes, so the child feels very irritable; when the parents are old, the child hopes that the parents will live according to the child's wishes, such as telling the old man to stop working, telling the old man to go to the hospital when he is sick, asking the old man to go out and walk around more - This is asking for parents, and parents will of course be uncomfortable.
So the family relationship in China is a kind of mutual torture relationship, the first thirty years of parents torturing children, the last thirty years of children torturing parents. Whoever is in his prime feels right.
The relationship between husband and wife is even worse, the husband is not accustomed to the wife, so he makes demands by reasoning and indifference; the wife is not accustomed to the husband, so she makes demands in the form of nagging, noisy, etc., and the result is that everyone is very unhappy.
In fact, it is not difficult for families to be harmonious and husbands and wives to be harmonious - to manage themselves and others, the relationship can be good; if you can't manage yourself and want to manage others, the relationship must not be good.
08. Don't stop shopping
This article is not very agreeable compared to other points.
In Feng Tang's original text, he said that the reason not to stop shopping is to maintain desire and sensitivity to new things.
I think that when people reach a certain age, they do not have to keep up with the trend, but to keep a certain distance from the trend, and they have been consuming, chasing, and always longing to look young, which is very tired.
When people reach middle age, they must begin to explore inward, learn to be alone, and open up a paradise in their spiritual world, because we will inevitably withdraw from the center of society, we will inevitably be out of touch with young people, we will inevitably have fewer and fewer friends, we will inevitably become more and more powerless, we will inevitably be forgotten or even forgotten, sooner or later.
Old is old, old soil is old soil, who will not be old? Who wouldn't get into the ground?
09. Don't get dirty
Common sense issues, not to elaborate.
10. Don't despise age-independent human habits
If the second one, "Don't stop learning," is the most important, then this one is the most fundamental.
People become greasy and bored others, and the root cause comes from the sense of superiority and the pursuit of superiority.
You despise this and despise that, think that there is something wrong with people's young people liking traffic students, and you like Jay Chou is tasteful; do you think that there is something wrong with people's madness for EDG, and you think that there is nothing wrong with your happiness that the team you like wins the championship? Think that the current female stars are not good-looking, when you liked Lin Qingxia Wang Zuxian is the real goddess? Do you think that children's childhood is not interesting now, only your childhood is beautiful?
The sense of superiority is an incomparably bad thing, and the fundamental reason why people have a sense of superiority is due to defects in knowledge or insight.
For example, a science student looks down on liberal arts students and thinks that the liberal arts are useless, only learning mathematics, physics and chemistry is useful, and mathematics, physics and chemistry is the ladder of human progress - a science student will think so, what does it mean? It shows that he does not understand the liberal arts, let alone the importance of the liberal arts for human development;
For example, if a person feels that Chinese is broad and profound and English is nothing, he feels that Chinese is broad and profound because Chinese has concise idioms and rhyming poems, so Chinese the most beautiful language in the world - that is because he does not know, English also has idioms, English also has rhymes; conversely, some people who have been immersed in the English world for a long time will feel that English is better than Chinese, the same reason, it is because he does not know enough about Chinese;
For example, a woman thinks that men are lower body animals, men do not have a good thing, women are superior to men, that is because she does not know men enough, nor do she know women enough, in fact, many women are lower body animals; or a man thinks that women are always emotional, women are stupid, female drivers are prone to problems, that is because he does not know, men are also emotional, men are stupid, male drivers are always problematic...
So, we have to be wary of superiority, because he will make you appear in the form of a monster. The stronger the sense of superiority within you, the uglier your face will be.
Well, just write so much, self-encouragement.
Those who are willing to encourage each other together.