The British talent Wilde once said such a sentence: "Loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." ”
Walking in the vast world, we carry the weight forward, get what we want, peace and joy, many times, we give too much love to relatives and friends, but forget to leave a little more for ourselves. Patience, grievance, helplessness, often accompanied by left and right, the Virgin plot makes a person often lose himself.
The greatest practice of a person is to first learn to love oneself.
The author, Senyaki Mason, has written a book, "The Man Who Loves Himself Brings His Own Light", in which Senyaki Mason himself is a behavioral therapy psychologist and a member of the British Psychological Association, in which he tells us from a psychological point of view how to love ourselves better.
First, when you pay, leave some room
In Xenyaki Mason's view, the Virgin personality is what we often call a flattering personality, and in real life, people with this personality abound. In the heart of the flattering personality, it is right to pay for others with heart and lungs, and their own needs can be ignored, such people often have no personality, like people like to be in the clouds, and work hard and complain in people who are not worthy, and do not know themselves.
In Senyaki Masson's "Those Who Love Themselves with Their Own Light", the author wrote a story in which the heroine of the story is Amanda, who falls in love with Simon, a divorced man, and because of this persistent love, she lowers her posture, washes, cooks, irons, visits him on the weekend, loves Ya and Wu, and also pleases Simon's son by the way.
Amanda did this for one purpose, which was to gain Simon's love through her endless efforts. Contrary to his wishes, Simon does not value Amanda's efforts, but feels that she is too humble and unattractive. In such a game of love, Amanda lost, and she even affected her body.
Obviously, blindly pleasing can not get true love, nor will it let the other party cherish. Therefore, when you love someone, please leave yourself seven points of leeway, don't be stupid, dig your heart and lungs, in the eyes of others, you will only think that you are cheap.
Second, if you want to be outstanding, self-improvement is very important
Tennyson said something that deeply felt the same way: "Only self-love, self-knowledge and self-control, and guiding life can we derive divine power." ”
In life, there is no shortage of such people: low eyesight, no endurance, no perseverance, and picking fat and thin. He has no ability and sneers at people who are better than himself. Instead of reflecting on why you are always inferior to others, you often lament that fate is too thin for you.
In fact, whether a person is doing well or not is not god's decision, if you lie in bed all day waiting for the pie to fall from the sky, the only end is starvation.
Anyone who wants to gain a foothold in society and wants to live a worry-free life, the only way out is to be diligent, hardworking, and improving themselves.
In the book, Xenyaki Mason wrote a story, Jessica is always afraid of being fired by the company she is in, when faced with the unreasonable demands of colleagues, she does not know how to refuse, busy with her own things, but also busy with the things explained by colleagues, so that she is overloaded with work, there is no way to talk about self-improvement.
Later, she figured out that if she wanted to "bring her own light", she must improve herself. Therefore, she began to reject the unreasonable demands of others, and spent the time saved on learning and thinking, improving herself, because of the decisive refusal, Jessica instead impressed her colleagues and respected her.
Jessica has also become more confident and confident because of self-improvement.
In fact, at any time, we should not waste time on the people who consume us, stay away from garbage socializing, away from people who are not all the way, cherish real friends, leave love to family, and use more free time to learn and study, in order to make ourselves shine.
Third, bravely refuse, saying "NO" is the beginning of establishing a bottom line
A person who does not know how to refuse is not confident in terms of socialization.
There are often such people, colleagues lightly stuff the work to you, say help, because they do not know how to refuse, so waste their time to do other people's work, over time, colleagues do not even bother to say a thank you, will only say that you deserve it.
There are also such people, old classmates who have not been seen for many years suddenly find you to borrow money, said a lot of pitiful words, nothing more than want to lend money from you, a soft heart borrowed, but the result is that the meat bun beats the dog and never returns, and the result of not understanding the rejection can only make yourself suffer silently.
There are more such people, very reluctant to do things, because of the other party's "sincere" request, have to help, sometimes not only wasted effort, but also wasted money, and may even get into trouble.
This is the common problem of flattering personality: not knowing how to refuse.
The most intolerable thing about the flattering personality is that it cares too much about other people's opinions and evaluations, and always feels that if you reject others, what will happen, resulting in your lack of self-confidence, always only promises, but let people look down on.
In his book "Those Who Love Themselves Bring Their Own Light", Senyaki Mason has several ways to give readers how to get rid of this strange circle of pleasing personalities:
First, a proper smile, not too warm, sometimes needs to be a little reserved and a little serious.
Second, do not make preparations, refuse the unreasonable requests of others, be concise and concise, any preparation will only be counterproductive.
Third, refuse to be polite, politely refuse the other party's request in a euphemistic tone, do not embarrass others, and do not be disturbed.
Therefore, saving the time to please others, using it on yourself, using it on people who deserve it, and doing more meaningful things is where the wisdom lies.
epilogue:
There's a classic line in Sex and the City: "The most exciting, challenging, and meaningful of all relationships is your relationship with yourself." ”
To all your friends: you have the right to love yourself, you can become more and more courageous, you will definitely become more and more confident, more and more radiant.
Therefore, the premise is that three points love others and seven points are given to yourself. Self-improvement. Be brave enough to refuse.
Jiang Fangzhou said: "Those who can really appreciate you will always appreciate your proud appearance, not your appearance of pretending to be humble and deliberately pleasing." ”
When you are no longer flattered and your self-worth is improved, your efforts are the most worthwhile. Share.