Mom is not Superman, it is the truth about raising a baby

Moms aren't superhuman, and there are plenty of times when they can't do anything about it with their kids.

Bao Mama @Cai An An from the lilac mom app "Heart Talk" planet shared her thoughts and feelings when she encountered powerless things in the process of taking the baby.

When I saw the topic of #妈妈做不到 in the Lilac Mom App, I thought of the two most familiar sentences in my ear: a woman who is weak is a mother, and my mother are superhuman.

As a mother, I didn't think this sentence was a compliment, but rather a kind of spiritual kidnapping. It seems that once they become mothers, women have to grow up immediately and be ready to fight.

In fact, invisibly we are also affected by these two sentences, to do this, to do that. If you can't do it or don't do it well, you're not a good mother.

Because of these two sentences, the prejudices and expectations of people around them for their mothers have been too much.

For example, during maternity leave, I have thought about changing jobs. When I went to the interview, the male leader on the other side smiled at the corner of his mouth and asked me with contempt: You just gave birth to a child, how do you balance work and life? The implication is that you have to do a good job with your children and your job...

For men, being a dad may just have to keep being a man, while mom has to be superhuman.

In addition to social prejudices, sometimes we ourselves are asking to be "superhuman."

For example, when I was just pregnant, I was particularly anxious, worried that I would not know anything, what should I do if I did not do well? So I reported a lot of parenting courses, learning about baby daily nursing, disease care, food supplement tutorials, baby psychology, etc.

I did learn a lot of truth and knowledge, but in the actual parenting process, I found that there were too many things that I couldn't do.

Can't always be emotionally peaceful

When the baby was more than 2 months old, her life schedule was not adjusted, and she often stayed up until more than 2 o'clock at night, and she had to lie on top of me to sleep, and I could hardly sleep at night.

After my husband went to work during the day, I was the only one left in the house. The baby sleeps very lightly, wakes up with a little sound, tries a lot of methods, puts the cart, puts white noise, uses the bed in the bed, bean blanket, does not work at all. Only by pushing the cart outside, or holding it, can you sleep soundly. Sometimes in order to get her a good night's sleep, I either hold it or buy a cart to walk outside.

By the time it was more than 3 months, the situation was a little better, and the baby woke up frequently at night, and the breastfeeding was even more awake several times at night.

During the day, I want to eat while she is asleep, wake up as soon as she leaves, and then go back and forth to coax her to sleep, and it is common to not be able to eat food in her mouth.

When you are physically and mentally exhausted, there is nowhere to vent your anger, and you are really annoyed by everything.

The parenting book says that the baby will feel the mother's emotions, and the mother should keep the mood happy.

Sometimes I tell myself to endure, but there are always times when I can't help it. Several times you yelled at your baby, spanked her ass, once beat your baby to tears, and then scolded her and you would cry...

There was also the most serious, the collapse to the extreme, to the husband said harshly to jump off the building, the husband was scared by me, took a few days off to come back to accompany me...

Heck, I feel like a bad mom.

But I have to say that after the emotional venting, the mood is indeed relieved a lot. (However, after losing your temper and taking care of your baby with guilt afterwards, it's hard to say that this is not another kind of mental kidnapping.) ）

The mother can't always smile at the baby, and the mother also has the right to get angry and lose her temper. But after the tantrum, remember to take care of the aftermath, tell the family about their grievances, let them share as much as possible; tell the baby not to blame her (in fact, may also blame her), do not scare the baby. Otherwise, the result of the impulse is that the whole family is not happy.

Can't do it to prevent the baby from getting sick and injured

My baby is the kind of super active baby who can't stop for a minute except for the time he sleeps. I often felt that my physical strength could not keep up with her, and sometimes I couldn't even take a shower to hold her down.

Once, when she was at home bathing her baby, she was very excited as soon as she got out of the water, her legs kept pedaling, and then she kept holding the bathtub with both hands to get up. I put one hand on her head, the other hand to bathe her, a moment of slippery hand did not catch her, the baby slipped directly into the water, drank several sips of bath water, choked suddenly cried, at that time scared me miserable.

Another time, also before the bath, because of the preparation of the bath, a person can not come, so temporarily put the baby in the bathtub. I don't know if she saw me walk away, and she immediately burst into tears. I heard the cry and hurried back, who knew that she had already fallen on the edge of the bathtub, and the corners of her eyes were still covered with blood.

In addition to these two injuries, there was also that 20-day long diarrhea, which also made me feel very guilty. I felt that I was not doing a good job, and I was depressed at one point.

At this time, I think that my mother's words" that "what child does not wrestle from childhood" are really too healing.

Having no heart and no lungs, letting go of myself, is really a lesson that I still need to continue to cultivate as a mother.

Those exquisite complementary foods

Mom couldn't do it

After 6 months, I took complementary food, and at first I made up my mind to make it for my baby. I bought a food pot, a variety of kitchen utensils, high-end ingredients, ready to do a big job, imagining that I had a pair of magical hands, all the materials became exquisite food under my hands, and I was eaten by the baby, but the reality snapped in the face.

First of all, time is not allowed, usually to work, there is really not so much time to prepare complementary food, can only take advantage of the weekend to temporarily do it. Secondly, the baby is not powerful, did several times of complementary food, found that the baby's interest in food is not very large, often cooking for 1 hour, eating 2 to 3 bites, the rest are fed to the trash can.

Then there is the fact that I really don't have patience, growing up so big, I haven't cooked a few meals myself...

Over time, my enthusiasm for making complementary foods also disappeared. Watching other mothers in the circle of friends post exquisite complementary foods, but also for the sake of the dietitian certificate, to be honest, I really admire, but I can't do it.

So the energy of making complementary food has slowly passed, and now this task has fallen gloriously to grandma, and occasionally on a whim on weekends, I will think of doing my duty as a mother. However, I don't ask how good I must do, and I no longer insist that I must eat it all.

Enjoying the pleasant mood of making complementary foods is also a unique memory between me and my baby.

Motherhood should not be a shackle

The child is not a program, she does not run according to the code we set, and even occasionally makes bugs of one kind or another.

So, even if we are fully prepared, there will be a lot of things that cannot be done. At this time, instead of forcing yourself to be perfect, it is better to learn to accept yourself.

Moms are also being mothers for the first time, and moms have a lot of things they can't do, just as the growth of children will deviate from what we expect.

Accepting that you are an imperfect mother, even if you stumble and grow up, as long as you try your best to do it, it is a very beautiful thing.

I hope that the outside world can have more kindness and understanding for mothers. Before we became moms, someone held an umbrella for us to cover the rain. But after becoming a mother, we also had to be the umbrella bearer. Only because, behind us, there stood a young son who needed to be protected.

For the mother is just or the mother is superman, this is the expression of the mother's love, should not become the shackles of kidnapping the mother. In those things that mothers can't do, there is also hidden mother's love ~ more worthy of being seen.

Lilac Mama Planet is a community where learning moms can share and communicate. There is not only parenting knowledge, but also a lot of experience and understanding.

I hope that learning mothers can gather in the small world of "Planet" to share experiences, exchange views, and learn how to be mothers and become better selves.